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I am concerned about someone I care about

I think that the person I have been romantically attracted to for four years is too close with his ex-wife. They claim to be friends, but she is ALWAYS at his house, for whatever reason. They have one child together, and I learned through Facebook that he apparently doesn't bother to see her, yet on the same token the child is at his house every fortnight. So I don't know? I am concerned that they are getting back together. I feel bad about myself because I cant't compare to her, although this man has told me that "he has always liked me but has kept it from me." But his actions are showing me that he cares more about his ex-wife than he does about me. I hate myself. I wish things were different. I wish I had the confidence to ask him out on a date all those years ago. I am not okay with him being friends with his ex-wife. 

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Re: I am concerned about someone I care about

Hey @goldilocks 

 

This sounds really upsetting for you and like it is having a huge impact on you, which I am sorry to hear about. It sounds like you are really in love with this man, and it is never a nice feeling to not be loved back. I've loved someone in the past and wasn't loved back - and it's definitely a hard thing to get over. So I hear what you're going through.

 

It sounds like you're feeling stuck, and almost always thinking about him, constantly asking yourself - what he's doing? Does he loves me back? How often is he seeing his ex-wife? Why does he care about his ex and not me? Are they getting back together? Asking yourself these types of questions continually, and the constant self-doubt and insecurity that comes with these sort of questions is not good for your well-being. So, I'm a little bit worried about you and want to hear about how you're coping. Are you receiving any professional support at the moment? If not, I really do encourage you to have a chat to someone to help you through this.

 

Also, if it's okay with you, I need to ask you few more questions.

 

You mentioned that his ex-wife is always at his house... and that the child is over fortnightly. I'm wondering, how did you come to learn this? The reason I'm asking is because I know there is an intervention order in place, and I think it is unsafe for both you and him if you are not abiding by the intervention order. Breaking an intervention order is illegal, and stalking is illegal, so it's important that you refrain from doing either, as you could end up in trouble.  Sometimes love can make us do things we shouldn't, so this is where professional support could be useful for you.

 

I know a lot of what I've said here is a little confronting, but I think it's important that you hear it. I'm saying it because I want the best for you. We're going to send you an email shortly, so please keep an eye out for it.

 

Sending you strength and support today Heart Please remember that we have a list of helplines here if you need some support today.

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Re: I am concerned about someone I care about

@goldilocks that seems like a sticky situation, so we appreciate you posting as we know it can be a daunting thing to do. Have you had a chance to read through @Maddy-RO 's post? Feel free to keep us posted and keep using this thread to chat if you like; we are here to listen.