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I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

Hi, whoever is reading this!

Thanks for taking your time to read up on a lil slice of what it's like to be me. This isn't a super serious issue that's drastically affecting my life at the moment so don't worry too much, but I just wanted to see if anyone had some advice!

 

Okay, so, I've always been shy, but since I got to year 7 something just seemed to happen in my head, like my ability to become comfortable with people kind of broke? I have a large group of awesome friends but I don't consider myself 100% comfortable with any of them, despite the fact that I've known many of them for over 10 years. I'd say I'm a strong 90% comfortable with two of them, but I got close to those people before whatever happened in my head, and in the past, I have actually considered myself 100% comfortable with them, but now I find that there are things like somewhat awkward silences that shouldn't be awkward. I've even become uncomfortable around some people that I used to be able to hang out with in primary school / early high school, and I'm not too sure on why this happened. I can talk to them, but there's a level of discomfort that has me constantly on edge, wondering what to say. Because of this, I've found that I can't really hang out with anyone one-on-one like I used to be able to, save from those 2 people I mentioned earlier. The thoughts of hanging out with anyone else privately makes me very anxious. I've even become very close and open with another girl I met last year at school over text messaging and I've spoken to her about all these issues, but no matter how open I am with her over text I can't shake the level of discomfort that is there when we're together in real life. I could go on about this for hours, but I don't want to use too much of anyone's time, and I've gone over the main gist of the problem, but I was just wondering if anyone knew if there was anything I could do to get help for this sort of thing? I am introverted and quiet, but this is far beyond that, and I'm just afraid about it impacting the way I form relationships with people in the future. I'm assuming it could be some form of social anxiety, but any tips on what I could do to find out more would be greatly appreciated!

If you got this far, thanks for giving me your time, I really appreciate it Smiley Happy

 

(P.S: sorry for any mistakes, I'm fairly tired whilst writing this!)

Re: I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

Hey @sweetsonmymind,

 

While we obviously can't diagnose on the forums, I've been dealing with social anxiety for many years now and can relate to everything you've said. It's tough to deal with, hey? Smiley Sad

 

Have you ever heard of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)? It's what's generally recommended to treat anxiety and a lot of other mental health issues, and has really helped me. There's an article about it here, as well as some general tips for managing anxiety here and a list of support services here. Hopefully there's something in there that's useful Heart

 

There are lots of us here who have to deal with shyness/anxiety - I'll tag a couple here Smiley Happy

@Bee @letitgo @ErinsAntics @mrmusic @Birdeye

______________________________________________________
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

Hey @sweetsonmymind

Anxiety is the worst!

I agree with @lokifish that it would be worth seeing a psychologist or counsellor about it. The hardest part is always admitting you have a problem and need help, so it's great that you have realised you need help Smiley Happy

I would also check out the links @lokifish has given you, they have also written this awesome post about how to access mental health services and what you could be eligible for which makes things more straight forward.

Going to see a psychologist (or counsellor) will be scary to start but they are invaluable and will really help you with strategies on how to handle your anxiety. I started seeing a psych almost 6 years ago and while it did take me a while to get use to, I find the appointments really helpful and I am still learning things about how my anxiety works. 

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Whatever it takes I know I can make it through!

Re: I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

Thank you so much for your response! I'm definitely going to look into some of the stuff that you've said, and it's really nice to hear that I'm not alone in feeling like this. Thanks again, I really appreciate it Smiley Very Happy

Re: I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

That's really comforting to hear, thank you so much for your response! I'll definitely look into what the both of you have said, I really appreciate all the help Smiley Very Happy x

Re: I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

Hey @sweetsonmymind,

lokifish is absolutely right in knowing that I relate to the shyness and anxiety. It's actually not an uncommon thing!

Can you figure out what the discomfort is about? Is there a certain worry going on in your mind?

Re: I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

Thanks for the response, @Birdeye !
The best way I can describe it is that when I was younger, I used to be able to spend time with my friends privately and feel completely at ease and I didn't really need to think too much about what to say to them, everything we talked about came naturally, and this was with anyone I considered a friend, I didn't even necesserily need to be SUPER close to them in order to feel comfortable; however, now this has completely turned around, and I find almost all silences (which are unfortunately common) unbearably awkward and I find it hard to come up with conversation topics, and some of the people I feel like this with are people I used to consider myself naturally comfortable with. I don't think anything, in particular, happened to cause this, but it's just a general feeling of discomfort.

Re: I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

Hi @sweetsonmymind

 

My suggestion is that maybe you can try letting go. Not be so focused on certain aspects of the conversation or whatever. Just live in the moment. I tend to over analysis everything and I find this impacts on my social abilities as well as making me much more anxious than I should be. 

 

I'm glad that you have two close friends that you can talk to. There's nothing wrong with awkward silences. No one can be speaking all the time, there's bound to be silences in between conversation topics and some of those silences will be awkward. 

 

Since you're introverted and quiet, a lot like me, don't be afraid to raise your voice when there's an interesting topic that you want to talk about. I'm sure you're happy to sit back and listen to your friends talk but there are certain situations where you're like hey I have an opinion! Don't hold back and don't let anxiety stop you. Be in the moment and say what you're thinking!

Re: I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

@sweetsonmymind (I love your username - now I want sweets! Smiley Tongue)

@lokifish @ErinsAntics have both given you amazing responses and I recommend you check those links out if you haven't already Smiley Happy

As @Birdeye said above I too relate to the shyness and anxiety...
I like how you explained how it feels for you. A general feeling of discomfort is also how I feel in a lot of social situations. Sometimes it's easier than others and some people it's easier to feel comfortable around, I have not explanation as to why that happens, but it'd be nice to know.
I too at times find silences *VERY* awkward, and also find it hard to come up with conversation topics! I've often been known to fill in silence with anything I can talk about and bombard people with things that need not know or things that is inappropriate to the setting.

 


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Re: I can't get socially comfortable around anyone

@LeoTheLion

Thank you so much for this, it really helps just to hear these things said by others rather than just being stuck in my own head, I'll definitely try to take this into account Smiley Happy xx