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I'd like some feedback

It all started in 7th grade. I was dating a girl named S, she was my first long relationship, things were rough because we went to different schools and couldn't hang out because of my homophobic mother but we made it work because we loved each other. She was my first love. Soon times changed and around came a guy. He was cute and good with his words, he knew how to make you fall for him. He was the son of a family friend. I met him at a school football game. I really wanted to be with him so I left S to be with him. Big mistake. Turns out he had sexually abused his little sister who just so happened to be in my friend group, Bec. I was not ok with this. I flipped out on him and told the police. He didn't get in trouble which didn't make me feel better at all. While I was out of communication with S her and the guy ended up dating which was absolutely absurd to me. Me and the guy dated for a little while until she cheated on me and things ended. Things blew over. Bec became homeschooled due to anxiety and depression.

I became friends with a boy named Lucas. He was nerdy and sweet and extremely nice. We'll after school ended we called and texted but eventually the texts stopped. He entered a relationship with Bec. She was depressed and self harmed and was a mess at those times.

When 8th grade started and me and him spoke again he was extremely different. He began self-harming and was depressed and began smoking. His family blamed it on her and internally I do too. 

Well at our school this new boy named Brad showed up. It was the ship, him and Bec. But stupid me came in and snached him up. We were together for a little while, he was the realest relationship I had been in. The only person i was 'intimate' with. (sounds cringy)

He had a suicide attempt after his mother forced him to break up with me. Somehow in the mist him and Bec started going out. 

In a fit of rage and jealousy. I started dating Lucas. Honestly I did like him but at the time I was infatuated with Brad. Me and Brad started dating in secret. He promised he would break up with Bec and I promised to break up with Lucas. But he didn't and here I was hurting my long time best friend and stirring up drama. He and Bec hung out one night and it turned into other things. I was heartbroken and depressed and it caused me a lot of trauma to be so young caught up in all of this. 

Things calmed and Brad and me were together again. Bec and Lucas also were together again. Me and Brad eventually broke up because i just couldn't get past the things that had happened.

I started dating this guy named Connor. He was sweet and nerdy and perfect, but i craved more in a relationship, he was too innocent to fulfill that. So when Bec left lucas for another guy I broke connors heart. Me and Lucas had a nice relationship, things were great. Eventually Bec and the other guys relationship began to fall apart, so she retreated to Lucas. Me and Lucas went to the dance together and even took pictures with Bec and the other guy. I saw it as making amends. I was wrong.

A week later Lucas left me to be with Bec. I was heartbroken but school ended and not seeing them helped. Lucas was going to go to another highschool anyway. 

When highschool started (9th grade) things were different. I saw it as a new beginning. I tried my best to forgive Bec and we're friends now. She and Lucas are still together although they don't see each other at all because his parents don't like her. 

I started dating a guy named Cole. He was perfect. I fell head over hills for him. I had found the perfect human I had always been waiting for. I'm pretty sure I annoyed him because I texted him every day. We had no classes together so I only saw him in the hallways. There was this awkwardness because I was a virgin and he wasn't. Everytime I asked to hang out with him he ignored my texts. Weeks passed and a new girl came to our school. She lived in a girls home, did drugs, was anorexic, and had many issues [Jennifer]. Me and Bec and some other people welcomed her into our group and now we're best friends. Here's the problem. Last month (december) Cole broke up with me to be with Jennifer. She's more experienced than me, and skinnier than me and they have a class together. It's hard on me to be best friends with Bec because of Lucas, and Jennifer because of Cole. There's this tension now, and its difficult. I have only covered it up inside and I need some feedback and ideas on what to do. Please help me. My love life is a disaster!

Re: I'd like some feedback

Hi there @pandorasbox1844  - thank you for reaching out to get support for what sounds like a really overwhelming situation. 

There's lot of different people and feelings to consider and that can make things really complicated and difficult. 


Have you been able to talk to anyone outside of the situation, about what is going on? It can really help to get an outside perspective. It also sounds like it's causing you a fair bit of stress - have you ever looked at getting in touch with a counsellor? They might be able to help you process everything and work on some strategies. 


I need to let you know that I've had to edit some of the names so that your story is not identifiable to anyone reading.  

It sounds like you might be posting from a country other than Australia - unfortunately we are  best suited to support people who live in Australia - check out our list of similar services in other countries that may be able to better help you. 


I've also sent you an email to the email address you signed up with - please keep an eye out for it and reply when you can. Heart


I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here