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I don't know what to do anymore...

I've always been depressed, that's not new.. I've been like this for what.? 4 to 5 years? But these day it's worse.. I've always believed that the cause was the following : I've had an unknown diseases ( I did so many test ! They still can't find it ) wich is ruining my life. It basically makes me sick all the time. All day long. All night long. It causes nausea, vomiting, insomnia.. Of course they though it was anxiety after all the test came out negative. I did saw a psychiatrist 3 years ago until late 2013, he gave me medication ( anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety and such ). I saw a specialist who diagnosed me ' Asperger ' but I really don't think I have that.. Anyway I just dumped all of that in late 2013..

 

Anyway this year it has gotten worse.. of course I was self harming and I did it too much.. the scars and mark won't go away, all my legs, back, tummy and chest are covered in scars.. So I can't show my body.. 

 

But the real problem, you see, recently, It has gotten worse. I never really feel happy anymore, I don't sleep well, I have no patience, I don't feel like doing anything anymore, I'm tired, tired of all of this. I love animal, and I used to have lots of them, but I'm slowly giving them away because I just can't care for them anymore. I still have pets, but I'm still trying to give them away ( birds and such ). I also have a therapy dog, and sadly I can't even get out of the house without him anymore. It's just so hard.. I have no friends, don't want new one because even when I have friends I can't really do stuff with them cause I'm always sick and my dog must be with me... 

 

Also, I'm so full of sadness and rage, I can't even argue with someone, or talk about something a bit upsetting or sad without ending up in tears. So I end up pretty much never talking. I was never able to talk to my psychiatrist because of that, after 2 words I would crash onto tears.

 

I'm also tigh on money, and it's stressing me so much.. I'm even thinking of getting rid of my other dog, even tho I love him so much !

 

And the worse part? I don't want help! I don't want to have medication, last time I had some it was horrible ! And I hate psychiatrist, I hate talking about whats wrong with me cause I can't ! I always crash in tears!

 

What do I do?! I don't know what to do anymore! Things are just so hard ..

Re: I don't know what to do anymore...

Hey @mikasha,

 

Welcome to the RO community. I'm so sorry to hear that you haven't had a pleasant time in quite a long time. It is so brave of you for reaching out. You have taken the first step. Have you thought about giving on-line counselling a go? It might help you get the heavy stuff off your chest so as it is easier to talk in person. I'm not too sure of the places that offer it except for e-headspace and lifeline. Hopefully one of the mods will be able to help more.

 

Please don't give up hope.  Continue looking for friends, it shouldn't matter that you need to take your therapy dog everywhere you go, that is just a part of who you are.

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you have to give away your beloved animals. When you are feeling better, you could perhaps start volunteering at an animal shelter, just so that you can still spread your love to animals.

 

Take care and please let us know how everything is going,

 

stonepixie


My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: I don't know what to do anymore...

Hey there @mikasha ... so glad that you've found us here... Sounds like things have really tough. However it is wonderful to hear about the positive effects animals have on you and that you have a therapy dog. That's really important and it seems like you realise that giving up the dog would have a negative impact on you so trying to avoid that it is really important.

 

I couldn't help but notice that you said that at the end of last year you gave up all our support services and then since then (this year) you said everything has become worse. It's actually kinda common for some medication to not work or have adverse effects (you have to keep trying different ones unfortunately) and it's also normal to not "click" with every psychologist/psychiartrist that you meet. You might need to try 3 or 4 before you find the one that is right for you and approaches things in a way that works for you. So, I guess what I am getting at is, would you think about giving it another go? Perhaps try out eHeadspace as a first step - you can chat with them online. Or if you live near one, you could call up your local headsapce centre.

 

But on top of that, stick around here and keep chatting with us here on the forums. There are lots of people here who have been through it all before and might be able to offer some encouragement at least - to keep hanging in there....

 

Let me know what you think....

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: I don't know what to do anymore...

Hey @mikasha Im so sorry to hear that things have been so crap for you lately

That really sucks but its great that you are posting and seeking answers and advice, thats really hard to do so well done

I know that you said you dont really want help and I know the process can be long, tiring and frustrating but as Soph-RO has mentioned, sometimes it takes a while to find the right medication or combo and the same with seeing a psych or counsellor - you wont click with them all, you have to find one that you are comfortable with and they know that it takes time too!

 

Feeling like you cant talk about things because you will cry sucks, I am the same way sometimes but I must admit  - when you bawl and get it all out it can feel a lot better. And psychs are sensitive to that kind of stuff, they definitely arent going to judge you for it - it might even actually mean progress!

There was a post about this the other day actually - stopping yourself from crying It shows that many of us do it, whether you see it or not and a lot of people feel like its a good release!

 

Have you ever tried any mindfulness exercises to help with not being able to sleep and having less patience?

Mindfulness can really help you to calm, get centered and see things in a better perspective 

Hope your going okay

Keep us updated

 

 

Re: I don't know what to do anymore...

Hey @mikasha 

 

How have the last couple of days been? Did you get a chance to look over any of your replies?

We'd love to know what you think of it. Smiley Happy