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I don't think I am strong enough anymore :'(

I've been feeling down and depressed lately and been diagnosed with borderline personality.

But I've been self harming for two weeks now and im scared to tell anyone because the school said they would call the hospital and put me in the pyschiatric ward. I'm freaking out and really scared :'(

Re: I don't think I am strong enough anymore :'(

You were strong enough to come onto here and ask for help, which is the first step. I think the next step you should take is to pick up the phone and call Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800, where you can talk to a counsellor anonymously and for free. 

 

Remember that everybody around you and at school is just concerned for your safety and wellbeing. I know everything sounds scary at the moment, but they're just trying to help you. Everyone here on ReachOut is also here to support you, but we need you to take the next step and talk to someone about this. 

 

Good luck, take care. 

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Re: I don't think I am strong enough anymore :'(

Hello Tiffanyeatsdinos, Nice username by the way, it's urber creative! I lovee it Smiley Very Happy

I can only imagine how the hard diagnosis could be. Have you read up on Borderline Personality? The Website has this factsheet,  All About Personality Disorders, I thought we had a specific factsheet on personality disorder itself, but apparently not... that or I'm failing to find it. This one should help though. Otherwise a Google search will do the trick Smiley Happy

 

It's unfortunate (for lack of a better word) that you've started harming. I sort of can empathise with you, about 5 months ago I started to self-harm, for me it was because I felt like I couldn't cope with the thoughts and feelings running through my mind and body. It got to a point where I was so ashamed, I was so scared of people finding out. It wasn't easy to stop, and even in those short few weeks where it was at the worst I believed I would never get out of it, but I did. As days went on without me harming I began to feel a little on edge, I would describe it as feeling like I was abandoning someone I said I would go and see, it was almost like hurting someone close to me.

 

It deffinately wasn't easy for me to stop, but I have, I haven't harmed for just over a month - about 7weeks! I didn't do it on my own though, I had the support of KHL. My regular counsellor there was understanding and helped me to identify why I was harming. SHe challeneged me to put it off, she also challenged me to find something to replace the idea of harm with. SImultaneously, I was serisouly addicted to tumblr, I was blogging like the idea was going out of fashion, and through that I came across the butterfly project. Basically the idea is that whenever you feel like harming you draw a butterfly there and name it after someone who wants you to get better. You just keep drawing butterflies. When you harm the butterfly dies and you start again. If the butterfly fades - without you washing it off, it has survived and flown away. then you draw another butterfly and name it. I killed a few butterflies, but I had some fade without me washing them off. I guess it gave me just that little bit more motivation to try my hardest not to harm.

 

I hope this helps in some way, I know it's not a form of any advice really, but it's part of my story, and when I saw your post I just had to post it. I'd recommend that you call KHL or even jump on their website and find your way to their web chat.

 

Good luck, and let us know how you get on Smiley Happy

Love Bee Smiley Happy x


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: I don't think I am strong enough anymore :'(

The school is bluffing, they can't get you put in a psychiatric ward- only a doctor can. Also unless your self harming is especially dangerous or an attempt to kill yourself, they generally do not hospitalize people with Borderline Personality Disorder. However you shouldn't be harming at school in front of others, that may be seen as manipulative or inappropriate. They can only detain you in a psychiatric hospital if you are mentally ill and a direct danger to yourself or others, moderate self harm doesn't nessasarily meet that criteria. Self harm is not uncommon in teenagers.