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I feel guilty...

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 1/2 years and going into the relationship I was completely awared that he struggled with heroin addiction. In my naivety, I really thought that he would be open with me since I accepted his problem and told him I would be there to support him. 

 

As you can probably guess, there were a few times when he would disappear for a week at a time because he would be using and totally shut me out. When we finally moved in together almost a year and a half ago he had been doing so well that I didn't even dare think that I would catch him using in our place, but then he started snapping at me, which was followed by him nodding out at the computer and taking frequent trips to the bathroom. Of course, I asked him what was up and he lied and said nothing and really tried to turn it around on me for being such a nag. Eventually, he came clean and I was enraged that he tried to guilt me and thought that I was stupid enough not to see something was happening. 

 

It took me a very long time, but I tried to trust him again and he let me down again at the beginning of this year.

 

Now he has a pattern...he gets very depressed and snaps at me, then is suddenly happy a day or two later (because of the drugs.) And I noticed he was both depressed and testy with me so naturally I start worrying. Yesterday I saw marks on his arm which he claims are from scratching, he barely slept at all last night, and I got so mad I outright accused him and asked him to tell me the truth. He swore to me that he didn't do anything and now he's not talking to me because he is hurt by my accusation.

 

I feel very guilty for doing it, but he doesn't understand that I just worry about him and I have been lied to so many times before.

 

Am I really wrong here? 

Re: I feel guilty...

I feel like I'm at the end of my rope here. Is there anyway I can trust him again? 

Re: I feel guilty...

hi lost girl 16 and welcome to reachout.

Weather or not he is using drugs the best thing you can do is to be there for him , you mentioned that he has been acting out of the ordinary recently. He may be stressed about something which could explain why he has been feeling down and why he has isolated himself. 

If he is using drugs again he may too be feeling guilty and want to hide it because he doesn't want to hurt you.  Try talking to him again and really confirm that you are there for him. If he doesn't want to talk to you and want to talk to a third party he can give kids helpline a call on 1800 55 1800

here is a fact sheet about drugs that may be useful

http://au.reachout.com/The-facts-about-drug-addiction

Re: I feel guilty...

Hi LostGirl

Firstly i'd like to applaud you on your strength and support for your boyfriend, it's very strong of you. 

I'm sure it's very hard but try understand where your boyfriend is coming from it must be very hard for him to hear your concerns of him as it appears he does care about you thats why he would be hurt. Maybe you should express your feelings and allow him to open up to you also so you both can speak your emotions without hurting eachother. 

I know its hard but don't feel guilty you care about him and are trying to help him, I'm sure anyone in your situation would do the same thing. 

If he is indeed going through addiction seeking help can seem very difficult and the first steps are always the struggle, i'm sure he can get through with your help as you seem very determined and strong. 

If you need starting points to help your boyfriend you could try looking at ADIN, they have various support networks available 

 

Wish you both all the very best

Re: I feel guilty...

Hi LG,

First, thanks for having the courage to come here and share your story with us - that is a massive first step!

You're not wrong at all to want to know what's going on with your partner who you also share a home with - don't feel guilty for confronting him (however hard that may be). Like you said yourself, you weren't bein g nasty, you're only concerned about him. I think you're very strong for trying to navigate your way through this!

There's a great website called Somazone: http://www.somazone.com.au/ that you might be able to use to get some help. They have a services directory that will give you the best place to call in your state & area.

Take care,
JD.

Re: I feel guilty...

Hi LostGirl16, 

 

You are definitely not wrong and you shouldn't feel guilty at all  in asking. Like many posters here, you are concerned about your boyfriend's wellbeing and as you are sharing a home together, you do have the right to know. I believe that by being in a relationship, you respect each other and each others' boundaries. Honest and open communication is key. As much as he may think you're being a nag, you do care and it's great that you are willing to support him through this. There are some great support networks mentioned on this thread that can help him as well as support you through this as well. 

 

As much as you worry about his wellbeing, you should take care of yourself as well. It's definitely important to look after yourself and seek out appropriate counsel so that you know what steps that you can both take to get through this. 

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