Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

I feel like I can't save her

I don't really know where to start.. I haven't started a post in a while. I guess I should just start with yesterday. It goes a lot further back than then but yesterday I found out my friend is self harming, not the first time, I've had a few friends who have done so before, and I have myself. But her parents are threatening to make her move, also happened to friends before, but they've never meant it. From the sounds of it they are serious and she told me if they do make her move she is going to commit suicide. This is also because of a lot of other crap that has been happening to her over the past few months, and it's been so so hard as a friend watching her get worse, and seeing less truth in her smiles. I have been struggling too, and over the past two years I've been losing focus in everything and I feel so trapped. The thought of losing her makes it worse. And replies to this saying "remind her how much you care", as much as I appreciate the thought, are not helpful, believe me I have told her time and time again how much people care and how much she matters but as long as I remember she has never noticed anything good about herself. This is a small portion of things that are on my mind at the moment. It's so tiring I know life is supposed to have struggles but it was never supposed to be like this. I don't know what to do, if she could get out of this and be free maybe I could one day too. I keep thinking I struggle with procrastination from doing homework just because I'm lazy but when I think about it it's because I literally cannot focus. If I finally do, I start to think. And when I start to think, I start to realise how trapped I am and how I just want everyone to be okay and sometimes I can't take it! Please someone help, my world is breaking

Re: I feel like I can't save her

Hey @-pikapika- - sorry to hear things are a bit overwhelming right now with your friend and your own struggles. You obviously care a great deal about your mate, and you've let them know that - both in words and actions. You might have seen this already, but there are some good fact sheets on RO about helping a friend with self-harm and what to do if a friend feels suicidal. You can also leave her (and her parents) information on where to get professional help for self-harm. Most importantly, you have to acknowledge that you cannot take responsibility for fixing your friend or making her get help if she doesn't want to or isn't ready to. You can love her and encourage her to seek further help and support her when/if she opens up but you can't shoulder her problems for her, especially when you are struggling yourself.

What is your support network like - do you have a counsellor or use Kids Helpline at all? Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) have telephone counselling available specifically for friends of people who feel suicidal, so you can call them for support too. Take care of yourself @-pikapika- - we're always here for you!

Re: I feel like I can't save her

Hey @-pikapika- , I agree with ElleBelle, you could really benefit from a chat with Suicide Call Back. They support people like you who are the friends of someone who is suicidal. They can talk you through your situation and help you acknowledge what is within your control and what is not and how you can best help (they do webchat or phone). Do her parents know that she is contemplating suicide if they move? If not you might want to encourage her to tell them, and if she won't then you need to consider your options - going against her wishes in the short term is worth it if it keeps her alive.


Unfortuntaely we cannot save others but there are certain things we can do to try and prevent suicide and they are listed under "Things you can do" in this factsheet. One of the most important things you can do is look after yourself in all of this.


Sounds like you have done so much for you friend and you care about her a lot. It's understandable that you are feel a bit helpless right now, so it is great that you came here and I really hope you look afteryourself through this difficult time and reach out to Suicide Call Back.

Online Community Manager

Re: I feel like I can't save her

Hey @-pikapika- 


How are you going today? and how is your friend?

Did you find any of the factsheets or resources helpful. Its just as important that you are looking after yourself during this time as well! So i realy do encourage you to make some contact with the resources provided.



Re: I feel like I can't save her

Hey @-pikapika-,

I'm so sorry to hear that you and your friend are both having such a tough time at the moment. I have experienced the pain and helplessness of having someone I was close to self harming and thinking about suicide, and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through that pain now. 

I agree with the others who posted, it's super important to be trying to take care of yourself right now too. I hope you can drop back in and let us know how you are?



Re: I feel like I can't save her

Oh you have most defiently hit a never ending with me. I have been in your shoes more times than i can count.

Take time out to actually look after youself, maybe you can both be the support for each other. I have tried taking on problems bigger than the world and thinking i can "fix" it all and its just too overwhelming for one human being. Save yourself to save her, If this makes sense? Become an idol, inspiration, role model for your friend and in seeing you strive and move forward she too will want to follow. Contuine to be a good friend and sometimes that just simple means being there.


sending you and your friend so much support and having faith in you both that you will make something incredible of your lives.

Re: I feel like I can't save her

Hey @-pikapika- 


I think some really helpful advice has been given to you in some of the other posts so I won't add more to it, but I thought i'd just send through some support. I think you sound like a really strong, honest and caring person. You're obviously a great friend too. This girl is really lucky to have such a great support system in you.


I hope you were able to look through some of the info provided or get in touch with one of the counselling support lines. Don't forget these are safe for you to use  - or you've got the forums here too if you have any other concerns.




Re: I feel like I can't save her

hey @-pikapika- 


how are you going?