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I feel like everything is going down

Hello ,

 I just made an account here and I even don’t know that someone can see this post or not but still I’ll write this because I feel it’s good to express my problems somewhere.

I am 21 years old Sri Lankan gay guy who’s recently moved to Australia. My parents didn’t know that I’m gay and now someone told them about that and my parents are not even talking to me. It’s just the main problem and because of that now I have so many side problems that affects me in all sides of life.

I really don’t know what to do.

Re: I feel like everything is going down

Hi @ShanT, welcome to the forums. (And to Australia!)

Yep, we can see the post, and you're welcome to talk about those issues here.

 

That sounds so difficult...

Are you still living with/ relying on your parents?

 

I've found this article, I don't know if it'll be useful for you but it's worth looking into I think:

https://www.minus18.org.au/index.php/articles/item/27-how-to-handle-being-outed-before-you-re-ready

Re: I feel like everything is going down

Hello ,

thank You very much for the reply and for that article as well.

my parents are not with me here but still I’m relying on them. The thing is they’re very traditional Asian parents and I’m the only child in my family. But it’s not like I can change this. 

Re: I feel like everything is going down

Hey @ShanT I think @Tiny_leaf's advice was really great and also welcome to the forums!

 

Something that might help the relationship with your parents is simply educating them (without pressuring them or being too aggressive) and just letting them know that you're still the same person you were before being outed.

Let them know that this shouldn't change anything because often people are worried for what this will mean for them and how it will affect their own lives, but in reality the way they treat you shouldn't be any different than if you were straight. 

Another thing is that if you are really struggling you can contact Qlife who provide webchats from 3pm-midnight every day and can help you with anything LGBT+ related that you need advice on https://qlife.org.au/

 

Re: I feel like everything is going down

Hi @ShanT! Welcome to the forums (and Australia)!

I'm really sorry about what happened. Those types of situations are always tough and tricky. Smiley Sad It's hard when your family cannot accept you for who you are. I know that a lot of families have traditional values and knowing that their child is gay can be difficult for some parents to accept. It is also really difficult when someone else has outed you before you are ready to come out, or told people that you didn't want to know.

I think the suggestions in this thread are spot on. I just wanted to let you know that you can always seek support on here. I hope that in time, your parents will talk to you again. Heart

Re: I feel like everything is going down

@ShanT that sucks...

Have you had any contact at all with them since they found out?

And do you have any relatives in Sri Lanka who are supportive and might be able to talk to your parents?

Re: I feel like everything is going down

That's no good @ShanT. Smiley Sad How are you feeling right now about it?

 

Now that your sexuality is out in the open, is there's anything else you want to tell your parents, perhaps to add to or clarify what they've already heard? You might like to explain why you know you're attracted to guys, and how you can't change what you feel. Even if they won't talk to you right now, you could perhaps flick a nice heart-felt text or an email. They will probably still read it even if they've gone silent. Showing that you're open to chat is one of the best things right now. 

 

But yeah, it sounds like your parents are in shock with this coming so out-of-the-blue. They must have a million thoughts racing through their heads! They might not understand why you "chose to be like this"*, or they might feel like they "don't know who you are any more". They might be confused about what being gay looks like for you, and what it means for the family,  and they might even be blaming themselves for "doing something wrong to turn you gay". It's possible they just need some time and space to process this. You might even be asking these questions of yourself! And that's okay. Just remember that YOU are okay as you are. Smiley Happy

 

oh! And by the way, welcome to ReachOut! We're hear to listen and help. Smiley Happy

Re: I feel like everything is going down

Hey @ShanT , welcome to ReachOut, and to Australia!

How have you been going with all this?

We're here to support you as much as we can! Smiley Happy 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //
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Re: I feel like everything is going down

Hello again ,

I’m really grateful for everyone who replied for this and it’s very nice to see there’re people who cares because I have no one that I can tell my problem right now because Sri Lanka’s who’s living here is also not that much open minded about this problems. Even they think this is something not normal. I told one friend who’s living in Adelaide about this problem and now he thinks I’m someone that he can have sex with. He tried to have sex with me when he’s drunk and I had to reject it run away. Then he told others that I’m gay and I had to stop my part time job because everyone’s looking at me in wrong way and everyone now thinks I’m someone that they can use as sex toy or something. They thinks gay people are prostitutes or something. 

My parents are still not talking to me. I tried to explain it to one of my cousins who’s in Sri Lanka and even he thinks this is a mental issue. Then I got news that my mom got sick because of my issue. I have no idea what to do with this now.

again thank you everyone who replied to my message. 

Re: I feel like everything is going down

Hey @ShanT, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is really tough to feel like everyone is judging you. It sounds like you are being excluded by those around you which is a very horrible and isolating way to feel. The resources that everyone else linked below are really valuable and provide great support. They can talk through these issues with you, provide helpful resources and make you feel less alone. How do you feel about using them? Cultural differences make it really difficult for others to understand but it is not impossible. There is no right way to approach this and it really depends on how you feel and what you wish to do. Do you think sending your parents some educational resources may help them to understand? It must be so hard for you but it is not your fault that your Mum got sick Heart That is not something you have control over.