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I hate this: trigger warning

I need to rant about this because right now it's really getting to me.
I hate how my hands don't work or I can't move my left wrist properly or having stabbing pain whenever I move my arms certain ways or no feeling in my arms anymore or that I'm scarred so much that I can't even tattoo it. I hate how damage I've done because of self harm. I hate it. I'm so stupid that I've let it get this bad. I hate always ending up in the emergency department because of it. And I hate that these facts don't stop me which is the worst thing.
I want my hands and arms back but I can't and there's nothing I can do about it Smiley Sad

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Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire
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Re: I hate this: trigger warning

Hi @redhead, sorry to hear that you're feeling this way and that you're in pain. Have you seen a physiotherapist to try and get the movement back/less painful? 

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Re: I hate this: trigger warning

@redhead I'm sorry your hands and arms are in so much pain right now, that must really suck Smiley Sad (Is there anything that helps with the pain? Any physio exercises or things like that?) 

It sounds like knowing that self harm caused the injuries is making you feel even worse as well. You're not stupid at all for self harming, although I'm sorry that you've been in so much pain that you have done. 

I hope the rest of your day is okay. In the meantime here is a kitten in a teacup. 

 

image.jpeg

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Re: I hate this: trigger warning

I haven't had physio or anything but I'm going to ask my GP on Wednesday if there is anything that could be done to help
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire
Highlighted

Re: I hate this: trigger warning

Let us know how you go @redhead!

 

I can hear how hard the impact of the SH has been on you, and also that despite that it's really hard to stop. Is that something you want to talk though with us?

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Re: I hate this: trigger warning

@Ben-RO I don't know how to stop. I've been SH for so long I feel like I don't have other options. And I feel like I have to do it seriously or it doesn't matter. I don't know why but when I SH I crave damage. I have to see my mess then I'm ok. It scares me how dangerous I get with it but when I'm in certain head spaces its all I want. I don't know how to change the impulse to hurt myself. I wish I didn't self harm but it gives me a bandaid for my problems. And when the voices tell me to do things it's the only way I can deal with it.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire
Highlighted

Re: I hate this: trigger warning

Hey @redhead, How are you tonight?

 

The fact that you recognise your thoughts and behaviours, and have so much self awareness is truly great. You've come such a long way in learning about what helps keeps you safe. You're a survivor! 

 

Smiley Happy

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Re: I hate this: trigger warning

@TOM-RO see my short sads post.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire
Highlighted

Re: I hate this: trigger warning

@redhead so you feel kind of split? Like it scares you and you don't like the damage that's happening and you feel a lot of loss for the damage already done, and perhaps fear about doing any more damage, but in the heat of the moment it feels like your only option. 

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Re: I hate this: trigger warning

@Ben-RO yep
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire