I just need help
Okay so three months ago, my best friend committed suicide and two months ago, my other best friend said that she was going to commit suicide because of me. I don't know what I did and I fell into depression. She hasn't done it yet but I got really low because when she told me I just kinda said 'Oh' because it broke my heart and I wanted to burst into tears and punch a wall. Whenever I ask her why she just says that I should know. I have been cutting for awhile now and I'm trying to stop but I feel like it's controlling me, and I can't escape. It's all I think about. When I tried to stop one time, I started scratching myself in my sleep. Some of my friends have started to notice that I keep getting unexplained wounds and when they ask me I just say that my dog scratched me and change the subject. I can tell they don't believe me but I'm too ashamed to admit it. It's embarrassing and I'm starting to get sick of wearing jumpers in summer and no being able to go swimming. I k now I shouldn't be doing it but I can't stop. Any ideas?
Re: I just need help
Firstly I want to congradulate you on coming here and sharing this, I know it can be hard to feel okay about posting something so sensitive on the internet.
my other best friend said that she was going to commit suicide because of me.
I wanted to highlight this because I don't like this comment. Firstly YOU cannot make someone commit suicide. It is their choice entirely! I wanted you to know that if she does carry out this act, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT OR RESPOSIBILITY!
You mentioned that she said you should know, and wouldn't tell you why she said this. This also sparked something inside me. I feel like if you did something to upset her, she should have told you when you asked. By her not giving you that piece, it makes me think that she could be either just saying it or trying to manipulate your feelings.
You mentioned that you "fell into depression" and that you've been Self-Harming. How are you feeling now?
I wanted to say that while self-harm can feel helpful in the moment, it can do more damage than what we ourself know. I know from experience it can worry your friends and family. And as you said, your friends are starting to notice. As hard as it is to open up to them, it is worth it. You don't have to give them every single tiny detail. But just enough to help them make you feel better. It could be as simple as letting them know your not feeling so great, but still want to hang/talk. This should be enough to give them clues to help make you feel a bit better. I know with my friends, when I finally started opening up to some of them, they were so helpful and knew what I was saying because they had been through similar themself. And other times they used distraction and got me laughing again by the random things they do.
In regaurds to the self-harm, I wanted to pass on this website I was given when I struggling with self-harm. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm There is a list of alternatives near the bottom Reachout Also have some factsheets about self-harm and stories about how people go through http://au.reachout.com/Tough-Times/Somethings-not-right/Self-harm
I also wanted to pass on Kids Help Line number (1800 55 1800) They offer over the phone counselling and over web and email. I have found them to be really good to talk things through one on one. I've been talking to them for about 2 years now
I hope this has helped you in some way.
Let us know how you get on
Remember you're amazing just as you are
Re: I just need help
Bee is right. Your friend cannot pin her suicidal idealization on you. She evidently needs help, but you are not responsible for her getting treatment, she is. Right now, you need to take care of you.
When you have the urge to hurt youself, could you try to distract yourself by
- smelling scent candles,
- listening to loud music or
- clutching ice?
I am sorry your friend committed suicide. I know how that feels, I've lost a high school friend in April.
I recommend calling Suicide Callback Service 1300 65 94 67. They also have web-counselling.
See how you go and check-back with us when you are ready
Re: I just need help
hey @rudeandginger I also just wanted to agree with Doris and encourage you to call Suicide Call Back Service - they help people like you who are coping with loss as well as if you have a friend/relative who is feeling suicidal as well. You are dealing with both of these things and you deserve support as this is too much for one person to deal with on their own - no matter how strong you are.
Please call them, or use their webchat.
Keep reaching out
Online Community Manager
Re: I just need help
Hey @rudeandginger ,
Welcome to Reachout. I am so sorry you lost your best friend to suicide. It must have been scary when your other best friend started talking about it as well. It would be really underestandable if you felt overwhelmed by all that.
Cutting can be a response to full on emotions, but it doesn't actually tackle the reason that you're upset in the first place. So it's good you're looking for ways to stop. Distracting yourself or getting a friend or friends to be your support team are some of the things you can do. Here's a fact sheet which has some tips for what you can do to reduce self harm:
Also - if you're scared you're going to cut again, even if you don't want to reach out to someone you know like a parent or friend, there's a couple of numbers you can call like Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline 13 11 14.
I reckon some other Reachout folks will have some specific tips about helping yourself stop self harming, but I just wanted to ask - did you see a counsellor after your friend died? Having someone to talk to can help you work through your grief.
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