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I'm Alone

Well, I'm feeling pretty lonely a lot of the time right now.

I've got good friends but I can't really see them regularly and I might as well live alone considering how things are with my housemates.

Money is tight and I'm making basically no progress towards stabilising things financially.

I'm...probably depressed I guess. Not really sure what to do or how to cope. Ideas?

Anonymous

Re: I'm Alone

Hi @Remi , it's nice to meet you! I'm really sorry you're going through all this, it sounds so hard Smiley Sad

 

Is there anything so far you've found helpful?

 

Here's some ideas for the loneliness... Would it be possible to join or start a regular social activity? I've found going to social sports really helpful for seeing and having fun with people regularly. Although I know that often costs money... Some cheap options could be seeing if friends are interested in a regular movie or board game night? Or there are lots of meet up groups (lots of them free) where you can do an activity (eg walking, rock climbing, book club) with others interested in that activity...

 

Here's some ideas on coping in general:

-taking time to regularly do things you enjoy or find restful, especially planning them ahead of time so you look forward to them

-arrange to see people you care about, and talk to them about your struggles if you're comfortable with that (even if you start with surface level ones if you're not sure if you want to talk about the deep stuff)

-set and work towards goals that are meaningful to you

-consider looking for a professional who makes you feel supported. A GP can be a good starting point and suggest options for how to cope, or maybe a helpline to talk things through with someone? I've found Kids Helpline useful. (But don't feel obligated to keep seeing someone if it doesn't seem to be helping, trust yourself Heart )

 

Do any of those interest you, or are things you are already doing or have done before? I really hope things get better for you soon Heart we're here for you!

Re: I'm Alone

Hey @Remi , I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling alone, I know from experience it’s one of the worst feelings.

May I ask why you can’t see your friends as often as you’d like? I can imagine that would be really hard

Do you have any family members you would like to see or hang out with?

I also agree with @Anonymous, joining a social or sport group can be an awesome way to make new friends whilst also doing something you enjoy

I also try to connect with people as much as I can at work and at uni so I have connections with people in all major sections of my life. Do you work or go to uni/school? If so, are there people you like there?

 

I hope you find your way out of the loneliness ♥️

 

Re: I'm Alone

Hey Remi,
I'm sorry to hear that it has been tough lately. I know that I don't understand the whole picture, but in my own way, I can relate. I can only imagine what it feels like... I get a feeling that things can feel pretty blue and the future isn't looking too great.

Money is tight... those good friends can't be seen regularly. It's not an easy thing to go through. If anything, it is okay to feel the things you do and not be coping. We are human...

And we are all allowed to feel loved, wanted and supported. You might know or feel that already, but. I just wanted to show you that value you deserve in case it has been forgotten or just isn't felt at the moment.

In terms of advice and support, there are a few things that come to mind. It is perfectly fine if they don't apply to you. I think it is just a matter of getting every thought down to know what we do have, what works and what doesn't work.

We can create a list of things that we know make us feel better. It could be things like - 10 push-ups, calling my friend over the phone, going out for a walk, putting on some music, making and sharing a vent or even an artwork. As long as you feel comfortable and that it can help comfort those feelings of feeling down. A cool thing you can do is make and plan events, whether it is by yourself or with a friend. It could be a movie or a day outdoors. It can be a nice feeling for some people when they have a good day to look forward to. This is something that can apply to any age group.

Another thing that you mentioned was the feeling of depression. I know times can be heard. If anything, you are not alone - Depression or feeling blue, support is always available and here to help. This has been mentioned earlier and I don't mean to apply any pressure. I want you to feel comfortable as I care. One of the people you can see is your GP for extra support and having that regular check-in.

It may seem odd to visit your GP regularly but that is what happened in my case. As I don't study or work and don't have any friends... Seeing my GP who also likes hearing about my week, it makes me feel better. It could be the same for you.

I also know that Flourish Australia has a service known as The Connector Hub - It provides weekly such as an art group, exercise group, coffee chat group and long walks with a group of people! The age group may vary as it is generally made for adults in their late 20s and beyond.

It is a tough thing. Especially if you are around my age. I am currently 18 years old. I can't work or study so developing those relationships is very hard for me. If possible, maybe even volunteer work might help.

I'm still figuring out how the forums work. But, I am happy to listen and hear about your progress.

Sincerely,
Khajiit.

Re: I'm Alone

Thanks for the replies @Anonymous @liv1611 @Khajiit .

I guess...I've got a pretty busy schedule as do many of my friends; and though they're in the same city it can be pretty hard to arrange meetups, especially with having to find somewhere I don't have to worry about paying for parking (a fortnight of fuel is actually cheaper than a fortnight of public transport here, unfortunately, and parking costs are nightmarish).

As for family, my parents more or less forced me to move out by being transphobic and unaccepting of me after I, for some reason, decided to come out to them, and the only supportive family I have is living in other cities.

I get along well enough with my coworkers, but I've abandoned uni in search of a faster and more practical way of getting a proper job. That has helped a lot with stress, but not at all with loneliness. 

I was doing martial arts, which has now shut down because of the coronavirus. I did also do dragon boats, but I'm waiting for new piercings to heal before I can go near the water and it might be shut down because of the virus as well. I have been going to semi-regular social things but again, virus.

The main problem atm is my living situation. My housemates don't really care about me beyond someone else to help pay the rent, and have recently been pretty shitty to me on a few occasions; and beyond that I've never felt at home here, they have their little clique that I've never been part of. Whenever something comes up, they get together behind my back and confront me two-on-one rather than making it an equal discussion.

I guess...I'm sick of living in a place where no one cares whether I come home at night, whether I'm feeling ok, or whether I need anything. Sick of living in a place where I'm not loved, cared for, and appreciated for who I am. I'm looking for other options but at the moment there's nothing and I just...need to live with people who actually care for me.

Re: I'm Alone

Hey @Remi, sorry that everything you are going through is so tough. Given your experience with your family, it sounds like where and who you live with is particularly important to you. Share housing can come with so many challenges but is unfortunately necessary for a lot of people due to living costs. It can really suck at times and I am sorry that it has been a negative experience for you Smiley Sad There is nothing wrong with wanting to form connections with housemates and live in a home rather than a house. It may look different for each person but I think a lot of people value those types of things as well.. so with that being said, I hope you can find somewhere else that is a more suitable and positive option for you.

In your past, it sounds like you faced a lot of judgement and isolation from others. Currently, you have been feeling quite alone and uncared for. I can only imagine the impact that all of these things must be having on you. It sounds so difficult Heart You mentioned potentially being depressed.. have you thought of speaking to a health professional about how you feel?

Re: I'm Alone

@Taylor-RO yeah, it's been pretty hard. I did have a chance to talk to my therapist, which did help a bit, but was no real cure.

Things are looking up somewhat now though. I and a couple of friends are planning to move in together and are looking at rental places Smiley Happy

New problem though...I have to talk to my current housemates about moving. And they won't be happy. I'm expecting at the very least for them to try and guilt me into staying, or staying longer; they might yell at me, start being hostile all the time; they'll probably treat me worse in general. It's...scary.

I know I have to do it, and sooner rather than later, but...I'm afraid. Just like I'm afraid to call them out on anything they've done.

I'll see if I can do it this afternoon; if not then within the next couple of days.

Re: I'm Alone

Hi @Remi, it is great to hear that you found talking to your therapist helpful. What you said about it not being a cure is really important. A cure is usually quick and effortless - the reality of therapy is that it is a journey that can be challenging and involve a combination of strategies and life changes. It aims to assist you in coping with emotions, problems and unhelpful behaviour patterns. This is definitely something that you can talk to your therapist about, which may open up a conversation about what approach is more beneficial for you.

I am really glad that things are really looking up for you - it sounds like it will be really lovely to live among friends as opposed to your current housemates. I am wondering if you ended up chatting to your housemates about leaving? It is a shame that this is a scary conversation for you to have. In general, these types of conversations can be quite anxiety provoking so I don't blame you for being pretty hesitant. If you find this helpful, you could consider a plan for if they do become hostile and aggressive. For e.g, what would you do in that situation to protect yourself/diffuse the situation? Heart

Re: I'm Alone

Hi @Remi , I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Is there anything I can do? I'm always here and I'll be your friend, take care. I hope you're okay x

Re: I'm Alone

Well, I told them, and it went surprisingly well. They didn't blow up at me at all.

But, this being my shitty life, as soon as one problem is solved another shows up to take over. Everything's shutting down because of the virus, and we don't know if we'll be able to move anymore...

I'm looking into other options just in case, and we have applied to a bunch of places, but...I don't know what will happen. Where I'll be living. I lost my job today to the shutdowns and I won't be able to go get whatever barely-sufficient support the govt is doing until I know cause changing my address in the middle of that process will only make it harder.

All I do know is that I can't stay here. Being totally isolated here...I don't think I can take that. I just...don't know what to do anymore.