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I'm cursed...

I was told to come here for help.. So i guess I should talk about whats going on.
explaining it all would take too long but you could say i've gone through the gauntlet...
Bullied my whole life both online and offline, no friends, family abandoned me, my Ex's abused/raped me, I was almost killed...

I just seem to have misfortune.. if your friends with me chances are the people who are bullying me at that time with harass you too... I'm just an easy target I guess...
I try to make friends and i'm kind and caring... but it's always the same.. and in the end I'm hated. 
Sometimes people I don't even know hate me and just like always I just don't know why.. which is why I assume that I am cursed..
I can never keep a friend... the people who I care for always hurt me. Its gotten to the point where I can't stand people anymore, I am socially unstable, I have trust issues to the point where I don't trust anyone not even those closest to me. I suffer from Anxiety, Depression, Trauma and PTSD.

In my opinion.. I'm just broken now. I can't do the things I love anymore, I gave up so many things like my Art or favourite games because I was bullied so harshly or to extremes that got so out of hand the thought of doing them again make me sick or afraid.

I'm just a shut in now, no friends.. no life.. just nothing... I honestly don't know what to do with myself.. 

Re: I'm cursed...

Hi @Justwantafriend, thanks so much for sharing your story on here. I’m so sorry you have gone through all of this. I’m so glad that ReachOut was suggested to you as a safe place to open up and it takes a lot of strength to post about something like this, so you should be very proud of yourself. I can assure you that the entire RO community will want to support you and help you get through this situation.

 

Do you have any professional supports you are using at the moment? If you are feeling really dark you can call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, or Lifeline on 13 11 14. Another helpline I would really encourage you to contact regarding your sexual assault situation is 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

 

You sound like a really caring person, and I’m sorry that this has not been reflected back to you in your interactions with others so far. Given what has happened to you, both emotionally and physically, I do not blame you at all for having trouble trusting other people. I hope that you will gain strength and inspiration from other role models in your life.

 

Do you have any activities which you like to do in order to help you cope with the pain? I know you have had some difficulties with your hobbies in the past, however I really think that it is important that you have something to do which makes you feel good about yourself, even if its something you do alone.

 

Thanks so much for reaching out on here, and I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

Re: I'm cursed...

Hey @Justwantafriend, thank you so much for sharing your story on ReachOut. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been treated so badly for so long. Please know that the RO community welcomes you and supports you.

 

I see that @mrmusic has directed you to a few helplines, do you think you'd be willing to give them a call?

 

Look forward to hearing from you! 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: I'm cursed...

hello @Justwantafriend and welcome to RO. i think youve taken a wonderful step in connecting with others by getting your story out there and sharing it with others. 

i can understand that cursed feeling all too well, like you my family dont like me, i have no friends, i was sexually abused/raped  more than once over a period of time, bullied, and like you suffer anxiety, depression,and ptsd. 

it has taken quite a few yrs to see any progression but would like you to know there is hope even in the darkest of rooms. have you got any professional support? i think a positive and most effective step forward is to reach out for help with those that are trained. when your over the age of 18, no one has to know anything unless you tell them you see a therapist. your gp will be able to help you more with creating an mental health care plan which allows you some medicare rebataed therapy sessions with a a qualified psychologist. 

trying to deal with trauma on your own is really really hard but with help and support is a little more bearable. trust issues i can also relate with and really is understandable. 

i suggest taking small steps, like even speaking to people in the streets, you dont have to exchange numbers and become best friends but just a little bit of social interaction might help boost your self confidence. 

i see the others here have given some great advice and support lines that you can call too, please dont be afraid to use them. they are free and to use at your own will. 

please keep talking here, we are here for you and listening to your concerns Heart and again welcome Smiley Happy

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because your WORTH it!**
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