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I'm desperate for help!

I am a single mum of three kids, been on my own for 8 years and before that married for 5 years. My kids are 11, 10 and 9. The 9 year old is disabled.

My ex husband is manipulative and controlling, quick to acuse me of just about anything and for the past 8 years has made it his life's passion to make my life hell.  During our marriage was sexually abusive toward me.

Our children live with me and visit with him. He is remarried with 2 kids and they live in the next suburb. 

I am not sure why am a writing all this, I'm just desperate for someone to know!

This is the current situation;

yesterday the older two kids went to their dads for a weeks stay.  This 'week's stay' happens every two months because he works in the mining industry.   Tonight I called them (as wednesday is the normal phone contact day for either me or him depending on who has the kids) and my 10 year old boy just started crying on the phone cause he didn't want to say goodbye to me.  my ex suddenly gets on the phone and abuses me for making him cry then hangs up. as you can imagine this infuriates me and also makes me scared for my son who would have probably got yelled at for crying.  I sent a text a few minutes later but no reply came (not that i expected anything).

I need help.  I am so angry.  I don't know how to protect my kids.

We don't have any orders, cause basically he won't be told what he can and can't do.

People in my life have told me that what has happened to me is domestic voilence but I have been too scared to do anything about it, just incase he finds out and somehow ends up with the kids fulltime.....even typing that makes it sound stupid but it is what goes around in my head.

Our youngest child is completely dependent on me, he is 9 but can't do anything for himself.

I'm not sure what type of help I'm looking for, just some type of support maybe.

Re: I'm desperate for help!

Hey Beck, thanks for posting. I don't have kids but I come from a single parent family and I completely empathise with your situation. Have you check out the Relationships Australia website? They have family mediation and counselling services and they have experience in dealing with difficult and abusive relationships.

You could also speak to a counsellor at Parentline and find out what your options are. The number is different depending on which state you live in, so just check here.


I know it seems obvious, but if you ever feel like you are in immediate danger or your ex-husband is threatening you in any way, please call 000 straight away. The safety of you and your children is the most important thing, even if you feel that it might not serious it's better to err on the side of caution.

Re: I'm desperate for help!

Actually @Beck I'd really recommend for you to talk to 1800 RESPECT to get connected to domestic violence support services in your state - check out their website, if you don't want to call they have webchat with a counselor too.


I have worked extensively in domestic violence support and from what you've described - there are too many women in a similar situation to you. It's really important to remember that you not deserve this - and not only that, it is against the law. The way you ex has behaved and continues to behave is abuse and it is illegal. There are so many ways you could get help in this situation. I do understand why you feel afraid and I understand that your head always goes to the worst case scenario (him ending up with the kids). But honestly - there are services that can help you figure out how to best protect you and the kids. Domestic Violence services really understand confidentially and privacy and have helped lots of women deal with men who behave like your ex does. It might be scary to think about it at the moment, as you are only early on in your journey to help - but you could get protection from an AVO. An AVO is not a criminal charge - it's just an order from the court that he stop the abusive behaviour.

Please contact 1800 RESPECT - you do not deserve to be treated the way you are.


Online Community Manager

Re: I'm desperate for help!

Thanks for posting, @Beck . I'm really sorry to hear that you should find that you're a victim of domestic violence. As has already been suggested, I would urge you to involve police. What your ex is doing to you is illegal. I understand your reluctance to do so, but I would urge you to involve police...