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I'm struggling with the fact I am terminating with my psych very soon.

 

On wednesday morning I woke up feeling sick to my stomach with stress and anxiety about all the uni work and job application stuff I had to do.  And then there was  a total shift in my body and I felt so incredibly and overwhelmingly sad and weepy all day.  I was numb and disconnected, I didn't want to move or do anything.  But I still managed to force myself to get what I needed to get done.

So I saw my psych on wednesday morning.  She said she had something on her agenda she wanted to discuss with me, but decided that my last session with her wasn’t the most appropriate considering what we have been discussing.  She started talking about how I’m going to be finishing up uni soon and that we’re going to finish up our sessions soon, because of me having to move.  She then said it was really good timing because she’s pregnant and going to take 6 months off from mid-november.

At the time I was more surprised at the fact she was pregnant.  I had noticed that she was ‘looking’ pregnant the last few months, but I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to say anything because she had divulged to me that her and her husband never plan on having kids and she has constantly been telling her Mum to give up making booties etc, because it was never going to happen and she worked with kids all day anyway.  So yeah…this has come as a bit of a huge shock to me, because she had told me this a few times over the years since I’ve been working with her.  So, it was probably not a planned thing at all.  I actually really admired her for not having kids and being so head strong about it.  I don’t feel differently towards her, it’s just strange…

She made it real though…mentioning that we will have to finish up.  I don’t wanna finish up with her.  Even though I’ve been thinking about this all year.  It’s too much.  Too many emotions.  I feel sad.  I was on the verge of crying in that session, but I like always I still didn’t let myself.  I’m sure I will over the next month.  I’ve booked in another 3 sessions with her.  But three too soon and three not enough. 

I e-mailed my psych that night.  I didn't know if I should or shouldn't.  I don't do well talking about my feelings...but I decided to write it all out.  Everything, about my reaction to us having to terminate and about her pregnancy. 

Last night I talked to my online psych about all of this as well.  It was helpful...I did feel better after e-mailing her...although I wonder and worry what she might say in return.  I also have booked my last appointment with her at a really bad time.  My last week of uni ever with 3 assessments due.  I want to e-mail and ask to re-schedule it for the following week, but I don't know how comfortable I feel writing to her before she's responded to me.

Gahhh...I just didn't antcipate this kind of reaction.  Well maybe I did...and that's what I was trying to avoid.

Re: I'm struggling with the fact I am terminating with my psych very soon.

@_sagira_ 

 

coming to the end of a counselling relationship can be pretty scary. sometimes it bring up a lot of mixed emotions and i think sometimes we worry it's ending too soon. it sounds like you are having tough time right now, but i think it's important to remember that your psychologist wouldn't be ending the professional relationship if she didn't think you were ready.

why don't you speak to her next session about a "back up" person for when she is on maternity leave? that way if you do start to feel overwhelmed or numb for an extended period of time, you will have someone there to talk to. your current psychologist should be able to transfer your notes over to the new person with your permission… or if you prefer you can choose to just start fresh with someone else.

it sounds like you have developed a pretty strong professional relationship with this person and it's completely natural to feel sad about it. if you put that with the fact that you have lots of things going on at work and uni - i can imagine that you would be feeling like this.

why don't you check out some of the coping strategies on the RO website, and then in the mean time hopefully you can talk about this further when your psychologist emails you back.

remember there is always eheadspace too Smiley Happy

 

keep me updated.

lanejane

Re: I'm struggling with the fact I am terminating with my psych very soon.

Hey @_sagira_,

I think @lanejane 's advice was pretty good. It is a challenge when a relationship like this comes to an end. But you and your psych will be able to reflect on all the work you've done together and how far you have come since you first started seeing her. You can be proud of this work, and know that you can take it with you to your next Psych.

When I ended my first counselling relationship (because I was moving back from Sydney to home), I wrote the therapist a letter to say thanks. He really helped me change my life. Do you think it would help you to say goodbye if you wrote a letter like that?

 

Cheers,

@blithe 

Re: I'm struggling with the fact I am terminating with my psych very soon.

hey @_sagira_ 

 

how are you feeling? did you get a response to your email?

lanejane

Re: I'm struggling with the fact I am terminating with my psych very soon.

@lanejane Thanks for checking in.  No I haven't heard from her...I also haven't expected to either.  I also did send her another e-mail to change my appointment time, because I figured it needs to be done, even though I have this need to run and not face all the feelings and emotions I described to her.

So...I'm ending with my psychologist because I'm moving and I knew this from the moment I started working with her in 2012, it's just hard even though I've been aware of it.  Looks like even if I was to stay she wouldn't be around anyway.  I have an online psychologist whom I started working with this year, so I will have her to carry me through until I find someone else.

And ahhh yeah, I can't use eheadspace...I'm 27, but I do use lifeline.  I'm okay now, despite how distressing it is for me, it was really only that day that it deeply affected me.  I know it will come back, but it's just something I am going to have to come to accept.  I know once I finish uni and finish with her I'm going to be really upset for a really long time.

@blithe I'm going to put a card together and write to her about how much she has helped me get to where I am today and definitely going to say I'm going to miss her.  Because I will.  Plus she has said to me that I have a very special way of expressing myself with things like this.  I was also going to ask her to write in a journal I have and I don't care about boundaries right now, I want a hug.

Re: I'm struggling with the fact I am terminating with my psych very soon.

Hey @_sagira_ , you're right in thinking this will be a difficut time changing psychologists but you have a very mature and well prepared approach to it. I think having the online counsellor there is really good, use them as much as you need to during this time. Have you looked at other psychologists available where you're moving to? 

 

Also remember that everyone here at ReachOut are here to help and support as much as we can too Smiley Happy

Re: I'm struggling with the fact I am terminating with my psych very soon.

@_sagira_ 

I know how you're feeling. I've been in this situation a couple of times, and I know it is really, really tough. Initially I've found leaving my psych really hard and I feel really lost. However after time it gets easier. I've seen five different psychologists, and have found it really hard to leave each one. However there has always been another to who has helped me just as much as the last. 

 

I hope you're doing okay. I know it's really tough, but it is possible to move on. One positive I've found from having to leave my psychologists is that new ones seem to have fresh perspectives on my problems.

 

Highlighted

Re: I'm struggling with the fact I am terminating with my psych very soon.

@rt262 Thanks, I really appreciate that!  I'm thinking Art Therapist for my next psych...except I can't really look until I graduate and figure out where I am working.

@florenceforever Ohhh...you make such a good point, regarding a fresh view.  I'm feeling good and okay about it all for the moment, but I am really not looking forward to my next session.  :/  I e-mailed her on friday and she hasn't gotten back to me yet, which I didn't expect her to, but I did need to re-schedule an appointment which I do need her to get back to me on, so I do wonder when she will write back.

Re: I'm struggling with the fact I am terminating with my psych very soon.

Glad you're feeling a little better about it @_sagira_ . I hope it all goes well for you!