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I'm too addicted to him...

Let me just admit this now I am the most unhealthy person when it comes to relationships. Especially the one I am currently in. What makes me so addicted to him is we were best friends before we dated, he's really the only friend I have, and we've been through a lot. Anyway, long story short he's way different and way better than all my other boyfriends, I have never dated a guy like him before.
My problem is I am too dependent on him, I always need his attention, I freak out when he doesn't talk to me for a certain amount of time, I worry about if I'm too clingy, I worry about if I'm too pessimistic, my biggest fear is losing him. I do love him I really do, I have never felt this way about anyone before.
I need help on how not to be so crazy over a guy who gives me no reason to go completely insane.

Re: I'm too addicted to him...

Hey @blueheart97 

Thanks for joining reachout, make sure you check out all the guidelines etc Smiley Happy 

Firstly, thanks for sharing your story. Secondly, its so good to hear you have found a wonderful boyfriend. But im sorry to hear you feel like you might be too clingy and dependent. You obviously have great self awareness to know that you dont need to be clingy or worrying all the time.

 

There are some great factsheets on RO.com but here is one that i think might help 

http://au.reachout.com/managing-pressures-with-your-boyfriend-or-girlfriend

 

Has your boyfriend mentioned any of your worries ?? Or have you tried communicating these issues with hiim?

Re: I'm too addicted to him...

Hey blueheart! Welcome to the forums Smiley Happy I'm a guy, so I'll try to give a male perspective on this.

 

The hard truth is that we can be scared off by girls who are overly-attached or dependent. In fact, this is probably true for girls as well! The thing is, it's hard to say where the line is - and it's different for all of us.

 

Luckily, this isn't overly important.  What's important is that you develop your own independence, and look outside of your relationship for other ways to enjoy yourself and the people around you. Don't be afraid to make friends with others! Whether or not this relationship lasts, it's good to know that you have friends who will support you in either circumstance. On the flipside, don't be scared if your boyfriend is doing the same - it's important for everyone to have friends outside of their relationship, and it will actually help to strengthen your relationship! Nothing makes being in a relationship easier than having someone else to talk to when times are tough. 

 

Also important - self-confidence! So many people lack this, and they often try to make up for it by developing a sense of confidence in their partner's opinions about themselves. This is not good! I mean, it's great if your partner thinks you're attractive (and don't worry, I'm sure he does!) but nothing can make you feel better than having a strong sense of confidence in yourself, in all aspects of your physical and mental being. Try to recognise the things that you do well throughout the day, and congratulate yourself on them!

 

If you work on these things and develop a strong sense of self, I think you'll find that the 'clinginess' that you're worried about will be less and less of an issue. As a final note, don't keep this to yourself! If there's ever something you're worried about in a relationship, the best thing you can do is talk to your partner about it. It's possible that this is all in your head, and he sees no problem at all! Good luck Smiley Happy

 

Take care,

Dan.

Re: I'm too addicted to him...

Hey @Magga 

 

Great having a guys perspective on this one!!

 

 

Re: I'm too addicted to him...

Thank you both for each of your perspectives it really means a lot (: 

And Dan I really really appreciate the guy's perspective on this one, I always wanna turn to my two best guy friends for help but one I feel uses a biased opinion and the other one I always feel like I'm bugging because he's 22 and probably doesn't wanna deal with stupid high school drama. So you responding really helps. 

We did talk about it today and I think we both made each side clear that if something is wrong then we should tell the other and he did tell me that I should calm down and not jump to conclusions. I honestly don't know why I got like this, at the begining of the relationship I fully trusted him but now I go insane if he doesn't respond to me in an hour. Usually when that does happen he's busy with something or is sleeping. 

I am truely convinced there is half of my brain that thinks rationally and the other half that thinks irrationally. 

From now on I am going to try and convince myself that everything is okay and that he  is still mine. I did say to him that last night it felt as if he was slipping through my fingers and he turned to me and said "I'm still here aren't I?" 

When he does stuff like that it honestly makes me feel better, I need to stop scaring myself and always keep reminding myself that everything is okay. 

Re: I'm too addicted to him...

@blueheart97 - Great work talking to him about it! Sounds like it went well. That's awesome Smiley Happy 

That last bit - 'I need to stop scaring myself and always keep reminding myself that everything is okay' - is important. If you can recognise that your thoughts are irrational, especially while you're having them, you'll be a lot better off. No one can trick us better than our own minds, so try to stay alert for these sorts of thoughts!

It's good that you have people to talk to about these things, even if they're not ideal. As long as you can strike a balance between talking about your boyfriend troubles and talking about everyday stuff, you should be fine. Friends are there to help, and I'm sure they'll have no problem with listening to you if you need it Smiley Happy just try not to overdo it and you'll be alright. As for the biased guy, maybe try to look through the bias for some sort of truth? It's not really clear what you mean here, but as long as the guy isn't giving you plain bad advice it should be ok Smiley Happy 

Hope all is well!

Dan

Re: I'm too addicted to him...

hey @blueheart97 great to hear you guys talked about it

Having good communication is great in relationships!

 

I understand with the worrying, if my partner doesnt answer a few of my calls I am convinced hes in the emergency room or something terrible has happened but really every time he is just showering/sleeping/eating/away from his phone

I have a habit of calling ten times in a row non stop until people answer so I am trying a new thing where I call once and if they dont answer I try and see how long I can wait until I call again haha

 

Also your friend thats older than you , they are still your friend!  people need to talk to their friends about relationships or anything else on their mind at any age, Im sure they wouldnt mind Smiley Happy They might have a different perspective on things than friends around your own age aswell

 

Anyway, its great you guys chatted and I hope you feel a bit better now Smiley Happy

 

Let us know how it goes and thanks for posting!

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Re: I'm too addicted to him...

Thank you guys so much for giving me advice and your support! It really means a lot <3

Re: I'm too addicted to him...

I was once just like your guy. My partners attention was always focused on me, all day every day.
I can tell u right now that he probably feels like the luckiest guy on earth. Every guy needs a little bit of space. .but there is no such thing as too much, when it comes to affection.