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I need advice on this issue

Hopefully, this is the right place to post, but my apologies if not. I always have trouble with talking to girls and I always find that I get misunderstood. I am at a point in my life where I just want to make friends with girls, but being 21 it's quite hard to meet girls with my interests because I don't drink, smoke or use drugs and I am not really into the party lifestyle. I always feel that I come across as I am hitting on them or creeping them, which I am not.  Plus most girls my age 

 

This reason why I posted is because I feel like this girl I am talking to is going to do the same thing as the last girl I tried to befriend.  The last girl I met at university and I use to meet up with her before and after class and talk to her, but I got hurt the hard way. One day in class, her and her friends were making fun of someone in our class on facebook and I should of known then that she wasn't nice.  Later on, my grandmother passed away and I was at uni and needed someone to talk and said she would meet me, but she stood me up. It hurt me because I thought we were friends, but we weren't. 

 

This new girl I met at volunteering and she seems different! I get a feeling she is a warm, caring and geniune. However, my only contact with her is meetings once a month, occasional events and texting/Facebook. I think I have stuffed it with talking to her, because she use to text back quite quick, but when I asked her to meet up with her and she didn't respond for three days! She resonded back and said she was busy, but when she wasn't busy she definately wanted to meet up. However, I am afraid that she thinks that I tried to ask her out on a date. We still message on facebook and she still responds, but it takes awhile for her to get back. The last meeting I saw her at she didn't sit next to me, but we still talked. I messaged her on facebook asking how she was a week ago and she hasn't responded. 

 

I am asking for  help! I am I overthinking it? Should I move on? I don't text often, but should I give her more space? Does anyone have a similiar story? Should I explain the I just wanted to meet her as a friend? I am just really stuck and asking for help.

Re: I need advice on this issue

Hello @GentleGiant

 

I dont think there is a correct answer but I will tell you what Ive learnt myself.

I dont think all girls are partying or smoking or doing drugs. There are just as many that like to stay home read a book, go to the gym, draw or what not. I think you can search out groups on Meetup.com or Facebook pages for groups to join that will tickle you fancy. Search for pages with your city name on it and join groups that may interest you.

 

For example lately I saw a group that goes hiking at night time. You never know what others are doing that you may wanna join. Good luck.

 

If you want to befriend a girl, from my experience its best to ask her out with a few other friends. Its safer that way and you can read her body language a lot better when shes talking to your other friend or mutual friend.

 

Dont worry too much how she thinks. Theres plenty of other ppl you can make friends with. The key to making friends is that only 3/10 ppl arent gonna be interested in making friends. My rule of thumb is ask them 3 times and if they say no then I move onto someone else. 

Re: I need advice on this issue

Hi @GentleGiant, yep, you've definitely come to the right place!

 

Like you, I'm not really interested in the whole drinking/party scene. I've found that I've been able to meet people by doing activities that align with my interests, and that means that the people I meet there tend to have similar interests to me. For example, volunteering at something with more frequent meetings might be something you could try. Or maybe joining a club at university? What do you think?

 

If this person is taking a while to reply, I'd guess messaging them more often could do more harm than good. I don't really have a similar story, but maybe you could try letting her know that you'd just like to be friends.

 

Is there anyone else at the volunteering that you think you might get along with? Maybe it would help to shift your focus a little bit?

 

Let us know how you're going! Smiley Happy 

 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //