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I need hellp! please.

There is a very close friend of mine, she is a very kind hearted and loving girl and is always ready to help out others. Whenever she finds someone in difficulty or in any kind of pain or trouble she always trys to help that person. In her surroundings she always sends a lot of positivity and good vibes BUT when it comes to her own matter she really can help herself! The actual problem with her is that she have a very great fear of losing her close and loved ones and by losing I mean seeing them dead or badly injured due to some accident or something like that.. She recently shared this fear of her with me and also told me that due to many bad things (like death in accidents and disease) which she had seen happening to her family and friends when she was very small she had developed this fear inside of her and because of it she really gets so much anxious and starts thinking in a very negative way. She almost start to think that what are all the negative things that can happen to her by any particular thing. One day she was acting so strange so i forced her to tell me what's the matter and then she told me about all these things and then suddenly she started to panic and started asking me to leave her alone and just kept on saying sorry to me and kept on asking me to leave. That day she told me that nobody will ever understand her problem as her mom and dad don't take her seriously when she tell them about her problems and because of this reason she just act being normal and happy in front od everyone but the reality is that deep inside her soul she is fighting a war with her fears and anxiety and she is LOSING it! I really want to help her as I really can't see her suffer all these things alone. PLEASE GUYS help me with some of your advice that how i can make her feel better and help her to fight with her fear!!! 

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Re: I need hellp! please.

Hi, This seems like a serious problem. My advice is to first validate her feelings. Tell her it's understandable that she feels this way, that those thoughts can be scary and worrying and that it's not a bad thing to be feeling this way. Secondly try recommending professional help. Headspace is a great place to go through and are usually easily accessible (and free!). Just be aware that she may not agree right away, it took me almost two years to convince a friend who also needed help to go to professionals. Also you can convince her to try reaching out on a platform similar to this or through one of the various helplines out there! 

Lastly maybe see if she has any strategies that might help her temporarily relieve her anxieties, i.e. drawing, games, reading, writing down her feelings and fears, etc. 

 

Also that moment where she panicked and made you leave seems like it may have been a panic attack. You should try asking her if she has had similar attacks in the past and also how she prefers to deal with them. Some people like being touched during a panic attack while others hate it and it could make their attack worse so finding out what may help/hurt your friend during these moments will be helpful as you will know what to do next time this happens. Smiley Happy

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Re: I need hellp! please.

Thank you so much for atleast reading my post and giving me your advice. I
had already tried comforting her by telling her that it's okay to be scared
by such things and i can really understand her situation but then also she
is just too scared that she starts thinking that if I try to help her she
will just cause me more problems and because of this whenever she starts to
think those things she just try to hide her feelings and her thoughts from
me and just want me to leave her alone at that time.. Even though I
seriously don't leave her until she finally walks away by herself.
And okay now I will try to convince her to go and talk with any
professional about her problems. I just wish she might get some help that
she needs right now!
Thank you so much again.
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Re: I need hellp! please.

No problem swastik, I totally understand the fear of potentially losing a friend due to their mental health. Although she may be pushing you away now just remember that she did reach out to you before in order to tell you her problem, which means she trusts you and she does want help, all that's left is getting her to accept that. In regards to her parents, that same friend I talked about before also had problems with her parents accepting that she had issues despite her having clear manic episodes where she would lash out. It can take a while but now her mum is super supportive of her and an absolute pillar of support so just remind your friend that although they might not understand now that doesn't mean they never will in the future!

In the meantime just be there for your friend but don't forget to look after yourself too. Making sure you take some time for yourself to breathe and decompress from the stress of this situation is just as important as helping your friend and don't forget that if you find the situation increasingly difficult to deal with but still want to support your friend you can also seek professional help! Professionals might be able to give you some great advice too! Smiley Happy

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Re: I need hellp! please.

Hey @swastik, your friend sounds so lovely! And also like she's struggling a lot 🙁 You seem like such a caring friend, it must be hard seeing her going through that. How are you coping? Hope you're ok ♥️

 

I think just standing by someone and being a friend can be so valuable. Just normal things like initiative spending time or doing fun things together, or sharing jokes or memes with them. Having someone adding friendship and positivity to your life can be super helpful when you've got some big things you're struggling with.

 

I think it can also help to let them know you care, and then let them choose what kind of support they want from you. Like saying 'hey, it seems like you're really struggling lately. I just want you to know I'm here for you and you can talk to me about it whenever you want, ok?'. Sometimes just knowing the offer's there can help someone feel less alone. Or you could ask her if there's anything you can do to help? (She might not know, but it still could be work asking 🙂 )

 

Good luck, and feel free to keep us updated 🙂

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Re: I need hellp! please.

Calm down, just take a deep breath and relax try yourself to distract from other work.
Tough times wont last long time.
Stay happy