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I need help

I just feel really suicidal. I hate myself so much, I don't want to eat, I don't want to look at myself in the mirror. I just want to be gone forever. I know all the stuff about my family will miss me and my friends and everything but at this moment no one cares. I've texted almost everyone in my phone and no body cares. My mum just went and hid in her room from me. I have no one, I have nothing to live for. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so sick of feeling this way, I'm sick of feeling so damn shit. Yeah it does get better. But, then it gets worse again. I get this same feeling about every three weeks and it lasts about a month. I just never want to feel like this. It's like I'm trapped and I can't escape. Nothing is making me feel better this time. I feel like this time is the last time. Please help me.

Re: I need help

Hey luna, I just wanted to reply to say that it was good that you posted here. You mentioned that it does get better, and even though things are difficult at the moment, try and hold onto that knowledge that these feelings will pass. Have you spoken to a doctor about what you've been experiencing?

It sounds like you're struggling at the moment and have a limited amount of support right now, so it's super important that you speak to a professional to help you. How would you feel about calling Kids Help Line or one of the other services like that?

Re: I need help

Hi @luna-joy … I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Just because you feel suicidal doesn't mean you have to act on it. No one deserves to feel the pain you feel. The part of you that wants the pain to end also wants you to live. That's why you're here now telling us how you feel.

 

I know you've had some pretty difficult troubles in the past — people betraying your trust and your sister being incredibly unkind to you. You're very strong to have made it to this point and I promise you that there are people who can help.

 

You need to keep talking about how the pain you're experiencing so you can work through it. It's important you don't keep those feelings to yourself. 

You're not alone and I'm glad you've spoken to us. You only need to take one more step and give someone a call. I want you to give the Suicide Call Back Service a call. They are there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on 1300 569 467. You can chat to them and they can help make sense of the confusion and pain you're feeling.

It's important you contact them now.

 

Please come back and let us know how you get on.

Re: I need help

How are things tonight luna-joy?

Did you manage to get any support today?

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Re: I need help

Just writing to say that I think you're really brave luna_joy and I really hope things are improving. 

Life is awful sometimes but it doesn't mean YOU are awful. 

Much love xo

Re: I need help

Hey @luna-joy 

 

I hope you're doing okay. I just wanted to post and reiterate what the others have said. Nothing lasts forever, not even emotions. This can pass and it can get better. You don't deserve to feel this way, and there are loads of people out there who can help you... The others mentioned some services like Lifeline & Kids Helpline - they're great places to get some support and talk through what is going on for you.

 

Thinking of you Smiley Happy

Re: I need help

Thank you everyone very much for all of the support, it is so nice to have a safe place to come to. 
I am doing much better now and have made contact with a psychologist to start working through things with me. I just cannot say thank you enough! x.

Re: I need help

@Luna, Jesus cares and love u when everybody turns thier back to u, Just give ur life to him and he will turn things around for u and make u solution to the problems of others.

Re: I need help

hey @luna-joy 

i know what your going through and i know that its hard and  it all hurts but you have to keep your head up. I know that youve heard this so many times and it really doesnt make a difference whether i say it or not, but you are beautiful, you really are. You are loved and you are special. I know how it feels to wish you were dead, please trust me, i know exactly what it feels like because i think about it everynight until three am.  i know that it seems so much easier to slip away into the stars. I know that its hard, i know it is. trust me though, hang in there. I know what it feels like to wake up every morning with tears on your cheeks because youve cried yourself to sleep, i know how scary it is everytime you realise that youre still alive, i know what it feels like to bite the tip of your tongue and hold your breath because youre trying to stop yourself from breaking down in the middle of no where. I know,  trust me, i wish i was dead too.

 

I also know how  it hurts to feel worthless, existing can be tiring.  My mum always gets angry at every little thing that i do wrong and she makes me feel so worthless because she criticises everything i do and it feels like my entire family would rather life without me. And i know it hurts because theyre meant to be family, theyre the ones that are meant to make you feel special and loved but really, theyre not. i know i how it feels, please youre not by yourself, you just have to remember that life is hard but you are beautiful and you are worth it. 

I know that life seems horrible and ugly. theres just no other words to explain your feelings, everything is purely sad. pure sadness. I know. 

 

But you know what? i also know how much it hurts when somebody you love leaves without a single good bye. I know how much it hurts when youve seem death coming too. My uncle was sick for a very long time, i had years and years to prepare myself for his death. @luna-joy youre beautiful and you are worth it. You hear it soooo many times, but you hear it becuase its true. You hear stories about death and you think you know what it means. When my uncle left me , i thought i knew what death was like, but i didnt. I didnt know that three years later i would be waiting for death too. I didnt know that every day when i walk outside i would have to choke in the tears. What people dont understand is that, when somebody dies, they are still every where, in memory. I see my uncle every where, every day and his death, killed me too. It killed so many. 

Please @luna-joy you are beautiful and you are worth it. Life did not come with a meaning, life came for you to give it meaning. you are perfect the way you are. just because you think you are worthless, it doesnt mean its true. you are beautiful, and if you leave, it will break everybody around you because youre worth it. You are loved. You are beautiful inside and out. Youre not worthless, youre not pathetic, youre not ugly or stupid or clumsy or useless. you are you. you bring the world something beautiful, your pure existence is beautiful. you might hate the thought of your own existence but i do not understand why. You are loved and you will not let the fucking demons inside you win this battle. 

 

we'll do this together. We'll try our hardest to love life, we'll try our hardest to smile again, we'll try our hardest to be happy. we will try and you know what? i love you. i hope you are happy. I hope you know that youre good enough. I hope you know that you are loved and i hope that you win this battle. Please dont leave. just hang in there. I dont care if that thread youre holding onto seems as if its going to snap any moment. I dont care. It will not snap if you dont let it. i do not care about how thin that thread is, but, i do care about you. I care about how you feel and the next time somebody asks you, 'how are you?' i hope that your answer will be 'fucking amazing'. Please stay. please please please, please just stay. be happy my darling, at least try for the sad stranger who cries everynight because her existence scares her, because if you do, if you try, it will lift her spirits up so much because she knows exactly how you feel and nobody, nobody deserves to feel like that. stand up and smile darling. You got this, you can own this shit babe. yes you can Smiley Happy 

Re: I need help

Hi @luna-joy - It's great to hear that you're feeling better and have taken the big step to see a psychologist too, I'm really proud of you! Keep coming on back here to RO whenever you need to! Smiley Happy

 

Take care,

JD.