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I need some help.

So, hi guys.

 

Yeah. I usually try and stay positive, ignoring the bad stuff and focusing all my attention on something else. But then there are days like today, where I slip. I have a lovely rage and then I fall in a heap crying because I let myself get so angry, so furious that I've either actually broken something or come incredibly close. And then I feel the dark thoughts, the really bad things. Please understand that I will never actually harm myself, that is something that I just cannot do. But I feel like it, and it scares me. Sometimes I'll go on headspace or KHL and rant but by the time I've spoken to them the tears have passed and I'm feeling the aftermath of the storm. 

 

I do things to try and stop it, prevent the rage and sadness. I try to help other people. Make them happier, make sure that people know that there is always someone out there. And I know this. I know my dad always defends me against my siblings. I know my parents love and care for me. I know all this. But I am just so sensitive and emotional that all this logic just hides somewhere in the back of my mind that I can't quite reach but still know it's there. 

 

The trigger? There's multiple triggers but when I add up the times it's always my siblings. My older sister or my younger brother and since the former has moved out my brother has moved into her old room which is closer to mine. And so I can't sleep at night without shouting at him a few or even more times because he's always shouting at 1 in the morning. Build as many bridges as I can, do as much as I can to try and do things right, he is still an obnoxious little brat. I constantly get angry and Mum is always telling me to be nicer to him and such but I am. And I've tried. It's insanity. Try as I may, I always end up feeling the low while he is all happy because he pushed my buttons.

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I know he's had his problems with depression and self-harm, but is that an excuse? He sulks by hurting me emotionally and I don't know how much longer I can last before I really do snap and his face is full of my fist. My hands are still shaking. 

I'm sorry this is so long, I don't know what I'm after, advice? Support? Someone to say, "It's alright, it'll get better." I don't know what to do. 

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Re: I need some help.

I know how you feel - my younger sister gets the special treatment by my mum and whenever she does something wrong, I feel I have to tell her off because my parents won't ever discipline her, then my mum tells me to stop harassing her. At least my dad can understand how I feel, but he's just too busy to do much.

 

And if you're anything like me, you're probably upset that you're always there for other people but it feels like no one is giving the same help to you.

 

All I can suggest is that you try and minimise the contact with your brother as much as possible, maybe have a chat with your mum and dad and ask them why he's such a little brat, see if they can give you a better understanding or at least come up with a plan for dealing with him when he's being bloody annoying. It seems like there is a lot of missing communication and I'm not sure what you've already tried but I've always found that talking to someone that you can trust that also has influence in the house really helps.

 

You don't have to deal with this on your own Smiley Happy It will get better, it just takes time.

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Re: I need some help.

It really will get better  @N1ghtW1ng , but I can totally understand that sometimes it can be hard to remember this when you are in the midst of yucky situations.

 

I grew up with a younger brother and an older sister and I totally relate to how it can sometimes feel like you just cant stand living under the same roof as them anymore! It took a really long time for me to get along with my siblings and I really thought it would never happen but it did and now we are all in a much better place (and I no longer want to scream at them until I passed out) It takes time and space and waiting for them to grow up a bit!! but these relationships do change and most often for the much better.

 

It sounds like you have a good understanding of the way your brother behaves with the intention of pushing your buttons. Something I have used in the past is when you feel these situations arriving, take a few seconds to remind yourself that he is acting this way on purpose and that it has more to do with his stuff then your own. I have found this makes it more difficult for those trying to upset me to be able to do so.. and it also makes me feel like i have more control over the situation in general.

 

I also really liked @persiphone 's idea or minimizing contact whenever you can - when you feel a situation arising, getting as far away from that situation as you can! Sneak of to your room! even the shower if you can (much more difficult for them to get to you there)

 

You constantly show your strength and desire to help others on these forums N1ghtW1ng, and its ok that sometimes the logic is harder to find when you are dealing with your own stuff.. Don't forget we're all here for you as much as you are here for us! Keep up with using headspace and KHL when you need them Smiley Happy

Re: I need some help.

Hey @ N1ghtW1ng

I read your post and was nodding my way through it because I often find myself in somewhat similar situations with my younger brother (who is 5 years my junior).

I don't really have any advice on how to cope with the situations, however I just try my hardest to ignore him, and show him that he's not going to get the reaction he wants. This is, as you probably know, so hard to actually carry out. I have found it takes strength and opportunity.
If my brother is annoying me with sounds and conversation that I just do not want to hear, I nicely) ask him once or twice to stop. If he continues beyond that I just have to ignore him. Often it results in me putting music on to block him out. I do this in a couple different ways. Sometimes I’ll just put headphones in and other times I will sing along. Or I’ll play it through speakers and sing along. At times I (purposely) sing way out of tune and pace to the music, which drives my brother away as he cannot stand the sound. (Please keep in mind he is on the Autism Spectrum, which is why he cannot stand the sound. And I’m sure he realises that when I do this is means he’s been a pain in the butt. If not, he’s usually told later or by mum or dad.)

I also know that when my brother is annoying the Sh*t out of me, he wants attention. And that is his way of getting it, albeit the wrong form. So sometimes I do have to put my big person shoes on and be the entertainer instead of the target. (If that makes sense?!) In other words I have to give him the attention he needs. It means getting him face to face and asking what he wants. If he wants attention, ect.

I don’t really know where to go from here, but I hope this helps you with your brother! And wanted to add that @persiphone had a great idea by avoiding him, that will also work, if you can hide long enough for him. Or even better, find a hiding place he won't find you and play hide and seek! Or tell him to hide and just never look for him.. and when he comes to complain say he was too good and you couldn't find him. It might work. (just an idea that cropped into my mind... I might try that with my bro Smiley Tongue lol)

Good luck. let us know if any of the suggestions work?

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: I need some help.

@persiphone I feel you there, it always feels like my mum is siding with my brother. She trusts him too much, example is that he is addicted to an online game and mum still allows him to play "one game" when he continues to break her trust and the rules. 

I don't usually feel upset about other people not giving me the same help because I usually turn to myself for support. Sometimes though all the self-support gets tiring. The reason why is that my friends now consist of two people and it was seven. Now two. And I don't understand why but that's another thing altogether that I don't care about anymore. I've accepted it and have a level of trust for my two friends. 

Boys will be boys as my mother always says. But I will try to limit contact with my brother. I am usually polite, it is when I loose my temper that I start yelling at him. I just be polite and nice but I've given up on that now and I think that I will limit contact with my brother. I won't try, I will. 

Thank-you though, your reply made me smile today Robot Happy

 

@chelsb Thank-you. And luckily for me my sister has moved out, so now it's only one annoying sibling left. I really do hope that our relationship does change. I know that there are those moments when my brother and I are really getting along. And I love him more than anything. I guess that's why I always kept trying, because I missed those moments. Yeah, I know he does what he does to push buttons, sometimes I can ignore but other times I, give in I guess and start shouting. I never thought about sneaking off into the shower but I think it would be nice and relaxing so I might try it sometimes thank-you. Robot Very Happy

 

@Bee I don't usually use music to block him out, for some reason. I usually prefer cartoons or movies but, since I can't actually sing properly, it would be out of tune. Robot tongue I get what you mean though, with big person shoes, I've done it once or twice before, but it was usually before he started annoying me, when we were both being a nice brother and sister. I love the idea with hide and seek. Look around for a bit, make footsteps and then retreat somewhere. 

 

I'll have to wait until the next time he drives me crazy to see if the suggestions work but I will keep you all posted. Thank-you for your kind words and helpful advice. It has really made my day. Robot LOL

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Re: I need some help.

Hey @N1ghtW1ng 

One of the things that I always admire about your posts is your willingness to look at your behaviour and consider people's input. It's such a great trait. It's how wisdom is built and you definitely come across as someone older than their years. Which might be adding to the issues with your brother. Sometimes when there's only a few years between siblings but a big gap in their respective maturity, it can cause friction. Luckily things often start to equal out when everyone gets into their twenties. 

 

And I think there's some great advice here, and it's so awesome you're prepared to give it a go.

 

Let us know how it turns out. Smiley Happy

Re: I need some help.

@NigioC Thank-you for your post. The worst part is, there is a year between us. Just a year. And he acts so much younger. A few years ago I always forgot his age, still do sometimes.
I'll be looking forward to the twenties Smiley Happy
Thank-you again.
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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: I need some help.

Heya, like the others, I wanna let you know that yr really great at looking after yourself and yr very self aware. You are a great role model here!! 

 

I did just want to drop by to say that distraction is sometimes only a temporary  coping mechanism to get through a crisis time, and eventually you might have to work through the emotions instead of pushing them aside.... The same too for positive thinking - it's great for challenging negative thinking,low self esteem etc... But it won't help with every situation and this one is perhaps not one of them. 

 

Have you got an ongoing counsellor? Or are you only using helplines at the moment? If not, it could be worth checking out the options in your area - Headspace Centre, Community Health Centre, Youth Centre or ask yr GP.

 

What do you think?

Online Community Manager

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Re: I need some help.

Hey @N1ghtW1ng 

Im really sorry to hear things are a bit rough for you at the moment. But i have to agree with the mods on here your presense is noticed and your posts are always so great. So im glad you can also recognise when its your turn to reachout for some help - so awesome work.

 

I hope things pick up becasue it will Smiley Happy

Re: I need some help.

Thank-you all again for your awesome replies. 

 

@Sophie-RO It's a pain, isn't it? Having to work through these emotions. Also, I wanted to say thank-you for what you said. Sometimes I don't really believe that people actually value me, as a person. But I know that's false, just an icky thought. I don't have an ongoing counsellor. But now that school is starting up again next week, I want to make it more permanant to see whether I can really work through all these thoughts. And instead of just working through them silently by myself while binging on Dragons or Criminal Minds I can get help, rather than just my book. 

I don't think that I'll go to places outside of school or home because it is panic inducing but I might try the counselor, counsellor?... Moving on, that I met at school from a misudnerstanding with my teacher and my assignment. Amusing tale. Because I spoke to her all through lunch without noticing it and it made me happy. Which is good. Because I want to try something more permanent than what I do now. 

Thank-you for you kind words and helpful advice. Robot Happy

 

 

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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!