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Intense Battle of the Mind

Hey so just thought Id start a topic to ask around; so I have been diagnosed with a few things like Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety and Complex PTSD; and my question is, for me at the moment I want to be able to keep my daughter with me and to do that my Mental Health has to be ok and my relationship with my daughter has to be unaffected and her not in harms way; I can say the last two are absolute positive; but Ive been battling problems since I was 7 and since May 2015 I decided I wanted to be with my daughter full time properly; and I had to prove to my mum that I can handle things and that I wont self harm or anything like that; so far I havent self harmed since that May (which is an achievement as the longest time I had of not doing it was less than a month); so its very hard but now DHS are involved and I should get my daughter back full time if my mental health is ok; it is but I feel like Im forced to be ok even if I might not feel it, Ive done good in being able to ignore it or not notice (its harder if im up past 9pm as everything I would of felt that day comes up), but I havent really been able to be supported to get better and not do anything, its been sheer will and so I feel if I dont feel well that I cant say or do anything and have nothing to do to cope through it, I just have to have it come up and sit there as it passes on by (which sometimes can take a while); anyway long story, but wondering if other people might be feeling the same but obviously with different situations?

Hope this is ok Smiley Happy
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Re: Intense Battle of the Mind

Hey @CasKat91

 

Wow, it certainly does sound like an intense battle of the mind! I've read your post and I'm really sorry to hear you have so much going on at the moment. Having all of those diagnosis is intense, but it's great you've created this thread to hear others experiences.

 

It sounds like although have made some really positive steps following your diagnosis, there are still some on-going issues that maybe a GP or a psychologist could support you with? Particularly when your recovery and being 'well' is imperative in having your daughter back. I'd really like to emphasise how awesome it is that you are already brain-storming and reflecting on how your mental health may impact your relationship with your daughter. 

 

I can really empathise with the feeling of feeling like you are 'forced' to be okay and feeling like you are just ignoring your symptoms. I found having a really tight-knit support group of clinical (like a psychologist and my GP) and personal people in my life really helped me ensure I was consistently well and on the right track. Then I was able to differ whether I was actually getting better...they can be more objective than our own minds! Smiley LOL

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Re: Intense Battle of the Mind

hey @ms_xt thanks for the comment; I had supports, I have a gp who is like an hour away on public transport (I still see her cause shes the only one Im comfortable with and have seen the longest who has understood when my mental health has gone kaput) I see her when I need to (trying to just get to mid december when this stuff about my daughter should finish cause I dont want to dwell on anything with ANYONE that could make my head think to much before I get my daughter back as the battle is stress enough Smiley Tongue I had a headspace worker but the amount of sessions for the year has finished . . . so until then thats all my supports at the moment (I have a regular KHL worker but sometimes I just miss them for the day or its hard to catch them Smiley Happy ) I hate that you only get a small number of sessions to see psychologists for free theough mental health care plan; they need ways or options to get more especially for people who need it
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Re: Intense Battle of the Mind

That's good to hear that you have some supports @CasKat91.
Make sure you remember that to properly look after other people, so you daughter, you must first look after yourself.
I understand that you may feel like you always have to be ok, but everyone has their ups and downs and working through them will serve you better in the long run.
I hope you are going well.
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Re: Intense Battle of the Mind

Hey @CasKat91,

I want to start by acknowledging and congratulating you on not self-harming for so long. That's something you should be very proud of! And that you've managed to do this for your daughter really says something about you as a mother.

What you're talking about, that feeling of not being allowed to be anything other than okay, is completely normal and probably way more common than people feel.
I've certainly felt it whenever I've had changes in my life (changes like seeing a psych less or not at all, starting work, moving in with new people). I still feel it now sometimes, but it's at the beginning of the change when I feel it the most.


But I think that when I'm feeling it, what I'm really doing is looking at the situation the wrong way.


When I started work I felt like I wasn't allowed to break down or need a mental health day any more because I was now in a position to really lose something and screw up my life. So this all meant that I needed to be okay, when really it means that I need to let myself be okay.

By 'let myself be okay' I mean that it's reason to take care of myself. It's reason to be keeping an eye on my mental health and making use of supports when I think I might need them, rather than thinking that 'I need to be okay and so need to be doing this on my own because if i'm not doing this on my own i'm not okay'.

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Re: Intense Battle of the Mind

Hey thanks @Birdeye that was a good read; yea its good to be able to take care of yourself Smiley Happy And I agree, if O think about it, alot of my mental health problems always pop up when theres been a change Smiley Happy I noticed that in 2013 but completely forgot so thanks for reminding me Smiley Happy Thanks so much friends for posting Smiley Happy it was very helpful from everyone who posted 👍🏻
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Re: Intense Battle of the Mind

Hey @CasKat91, I really admire your determination to be a good mother for your daughter. As someone who has struggled with self-harm, I know how strong you must be to have not done that since May, especially with all you've got going on. Well done on coming so far!

 

Please know that it's okay for you to not be okay. ReachOut is a supportive and anonymous community, and you're always free to express your real feelings/experiences here and we'll try to help you out as best we can. Heart 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //
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Re: Intense Battle of the Mind

Thanks Im finding this a great way and space to get some thoughts out and peoplea ppinions and experiences to that aswell Smiley Happy its great encouragement on this place Smiley Happy
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Re: Intense Battle of the Mind

Well done on not self harming!! That's a huge achievement!! And this seems like quite a lot of stress, you're doing a good job of managing. 

 

I second the ideas in this thread - a good support system is the way to go. 

It's important to know that somedays, we are just not okay. I think as a mother its especially important that you realise somedays you will need a break. You need some 'you' time, and in order to be a good mum its important that you look after yourself. 

 

Do you have friends or family who live nearby/what's your support network like? Having someone you can chat to over coffee about your problems could be a big help, as well as people you can call on to look after your daughter when things might get a bit much and you need some help. Even posting on these forums and asking to chat to someone here is good!! 

 

In doing university work, I've found knowing when to take a break is SO important. It prevents getting burnt out, it helps me keep enjoying what I'm doing. Also recognising when I'm not coping and letting others help me is a big deal. I really hope this works out for you though.

 

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Re: Intense Battle of the Mind

thanks; Im trying to keep supports, working out options with one of my workers so Im not limited by medicare Smiley Happy
looking forward to end of december and working out what I can do and trying to settle down and settling and knowing whats going on