Just ignore this

[redhead]

I don't know what to say to not make this the millionth suicidal rant by redhead.

Anyway it's gonna be one so ignore this. 

Christmas 2017 and I'm alive. Fuck. I wasn't meant to make it through this year, especially to Christmas. 

I should be glad I made it, I have a pen pal over from England, but I spent the majority of the day in bed thinking about ways I could hurt myself without anyone knowing. 

Just over a month ago I came so close to death but it just left me with some nasty side effects that may not get better. Then there's all the other attempts I made this year some of which serious again. 

So why the fuck am I alive and how can I change that...Meaning how can I finally die 

[loves netball]

@redhead I don't want you to die. I will cry my heart out if you do. I wish I could give you a hug.
I'm glad you are here.
Some of your words echo a lot of my thoughts.
I wasn't meant to make it to this year

[DruidChild]

@redhead I get how this feels. For most of this year I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be alive for this Christmas. It's tough. In the last couple of weeks, though, I've seen you post some really positive things for next year - like getting in to your uni course  and feeling ready to be more open about your gender identity. Maybe those things will help 2017 be a better year? If nothing else, you're a super valuable member of RO and we would really miss you if you weren't around! 

Please take care of yourself. We're here to keep talking if you want! Otherwise *hugs*

[N1ghtW1ng]

Hey @redhead,
I'm glad your here, you are such a wonderful and supportive person. It's so cool that you have a penpal! They can be great.
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. It can be really difficult to recover after injuries.
What is something else you'd like to change? Please stay safe tonight.

[redhead]

@loves netball thanks, I don't want you to die either.
@DruidChild I know I have plans for next year but they don't seem to matter, it's like I don't see the point right now.
@N1ghtW1ng I just don't want to be crazy anymore.

[loves netball]

@redhead what is your definition of crazy? I don't believe you are X

[redhead]

@loves netball I'm unstable and psychotic

[loves netball]

what about telling me what it's like to be psychotic? It sounds quite awful, but I don't think it makes you crazy.

[redhead]

I have 6 beings in my head that tell me things. They come from a higher plane of existence and can manipulate things, matter and other people to get what they want. they can also manipulate my brain waves so I can see them sometimes.
Because I believe this I'm psychotic.
I also get paranoid and delusional because of things those beings say.

[loves netball]

Oh I'm really really sorry @redhead. How do you keep in control? How long has it been this way for you? Does anything make them go away?