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Life feels pointless

Right now I hate myself and I feel really pathetic. My sisters having a party and I'm too afraid to join in (to the point where i'm not eating because the foods outside my room). I've been going through depression and anxiety for the last 2 years and I feel like I'm going no where. I almost lasted a week of not beating myself up or giving in to fear and misery but I'm scared for the future. I'm only 16 and yet I worry way too more then I should. I'm just tired of being asked "why are you so quite?" "Why are you sitting alone?" Even my friends ask why I'm so "shy all the time".  It makes me feel like a total loser. I thought I was being quite open but apparently not. It's really destroyed the little confidence I have.  I don't know how to be happy without having lots of friends around to support me otherwise I feel I have no purpose. I feel like I shouldn't share my emotions because I already require so much attention just to function. I feel I'm a burden to everyone whenever I show how sad I really am. I'm worried I'm attention desperate because I always feel sad in the happiest moments and bring everyone down. I don't feel like I'm capable of achieving anything i n life. Often it takes one insignificant problem and I'm in a spiral again. I don't know how I'n going to cope as an adult.

Re: Life feels pointless

Hi @StrawberryShortcake, welcome to the forums!

 

Can I just say that I feel you, parties can be terrifying. I've definitely had the being too afraid to get food part... not fun at all.

 

You mentioned having anxiety and depression. Do you think that some of the things you're beating yourself up over are actually their symptoms, rather than anything wrong with you as a person?

Re: Life feels pointless

Hey @StrawberryShortcake 

 

Firstly, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story. It was very courageous of you to express yourself. I hope that you find the forums helpful. Smiley Happy

 

Secondly, there are many people who can relate to what you're going through. I know that doesn't make things any easier but at least you know you aren't alone. Depression and anxiety are very widespread and well-known, which means they are well-researched and that there is a lot of help out there for such conditions.  I'd really encourage you to seek professional support, and sooner rather than later if possible Heart. Things can definitely get better! 

 

On that note, are you seeking any professional support such as seeing a counselor or psychologist? Have you spoken to a parent or guardian about any of this? 

Re: Life feels pointless

@strawberryshortcake I’m 15 in a month and I relate to this soooooo much
My therapist said being a teenagers just messed up for some people and everything will be different when you’re an adult so I wouldn’t worry
Also party’s are the worst...for my party’s I just have 5 of my really close friends sleep over it’s much more chill
Everyone has good days and bad days and just coz it’s worse now doesn’t make your week of not beating yourself up any less valid, you should be proud Smiley Happy

it’s progress. Progress counts even if it’s small.♥️

Re: Life feels pointless

Hi @StrawberryShortcake! Welcome to the forums!

How are you feeling today? I hope you're feeling better. Heart

I echo the other comments. Parties can be really anxiety-inducing. Smiley Sad
When I was your age, people told me that I shouldn't be worrying or stressing out a lot at that age, but that was easier said than done.

Do you have any friends you are particularly close to?
Often, we just need a few friends who are really there for us and whom we can confide in. Heart

Re: Life feels pointless

Hi. Thankyou for the reply. I am feeling much better thankyou. It's just been rough patch in my life especially over the past 4 days but things are better. I'm glad someone can relate. How are you btw? Yes I have a couple good friends I just don't really let anybody know how I'm feeling, I don't want to bring people down or be an energy vampire.

Re: Life feels pointless

Hi. Thankyou for your kindness. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I guess I need to keep in mind that things will get better. I'm feeling much better but sometimes I just feel so stuck! I guess that's everyone at times though. Hope you have a good day. ❤️

Re: Life feels pointless

Glad someone can relate. It isn't very nice is it? Well yeah now that I think about it I beat myself up a lot about being sad and anxious, I just feel like I probably bring others down. Thanks for the reply.

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Re: Life feels pointless

Thankyou for being so supportive. My mum knows and I did start seeing a therapist but something was off about him so we stopped. We've got medicine to help me and a couple books. I also have a very supportive mum which I'm very fortunate to have but we haven't tried to find a professional further to that.

Re: Life feels pointless

Hi @StrawberryShortcake and thank you for checking back in with us.

 

It is good to hear that yesterday was a better day for you Heart You have mentioned seeking support in past, and having a supportive mum- good on you for taking that step to seek help! Even thought the first counsellor didn't gel, I hope that you are able to find someone you click with. Just like friendships, or other people in your life, it is okay to not gel with every professional and try meeting different professionals before deciding which one you are most comfortable with. Would you be open to looking at other options for professional support?

 

You've also mentioned medication. Is this something that you are seeing a GP or Psychiatrist for?

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