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Messed Up

Hey Peeps, how's everyone this fine tuesday eveming?
I am feeling quite messed up in the head at the moment for once life is going pretty great I've found a sport I enjoy, I'm actually doing quite well at tafe and I have started interacting with people again. But here is where the problem
Is, I don't feel the same way about people anymore and since a falling out with my best friend in January where she basically just stopped talking to me for no reason, I find myself not trusting anyone, not letting myself get close to anyone. This has gotten between other good friendships I have had and now I can truely say I don't have a best friend, I don't know if it is something to do with me or what? This effecting me in ways that I wouldn't of thought, I am second guessing myself about being social and I am worried about how this will affect future relationships with people... Will I ever have a best friend again? Or will I be lonely forever pretending that I am comfortable around people?

Re: Messed Up

Hey @Grake,

The cool thing about the future is that it isn't set in stone. It might feel like things could continue forever but that doesn't mean they will.

Have you spoken to anyone about how you're feeling? Any of your other relationships you mentioned? They might be able to offer you some support within your friendship.

It is hard to trust others when you've had a bad experience. One method is to take things slow. Try talking to three or two people every day you're at tafe or sports, general "the weather's nice" talk. Then, when you feel ready, build it up with one or two people. Work towards building trust between other people. If you feel comfortable, you could share that you had a falling out with an old friend that now makes you uncomfortable. A lot of people can be more understanding than they seem.

ReachOut also has some pretty cool factsheets around here about making friends and trust. I can't link because I'm on my phone but perhaps they can offer you some more advice.

It's awesome that things have been going well for you. You can get past this and we're here to help you through.

Re: Messed Up

Hey @Grake

 

My Tuesday night was alright, not too special Smiley Happy

 

How're you feeling this Wednesday? 

 

Gosh, you sound so busy! It's great to hear that you're doing well at TAFE and that you've found a sport that you're enjoying. What sort of sport is it? Been wanting to try some different ones out too!

 

@N1ghtW1ng has offered some great advice - it could be worth 'building up' on getting to know different people. It's definitely disheartening when, who you thought was a close friend, leaves you in the lurch. But for every bad experience, there's always something to be learnt from it and it doesn't necessarily mean that nothing positive comes out of it either. 

 

Since you're at TAFE and that you've joined a new sport too, do you think that spending more time on hobbies or stuff that interests you could be a more cosy environment to meet people? 

___________________________________________________
Stay excellent
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Re: Messed Up

Hey @Grake,

 

@Myvo and @N1ghtW1ng have given you some awesome starters!

 

It can be really difficult  when our old friends aren't as close to us any more. It seems like this has really affected you. It sounds like you are really looking for a close friendship with 1 person, do you think that having 1 single 'best friend' is the right way to think about friendships? Or do you think you could open up to being good friends with many people? (There's no "wrong" answer by the way - just something to think about)

 

How did you stop talking to each other? Do you think you could reconnect with this person?

 

You don't need to second guess yourself. Sometimes friends come and go, this can be quite normal. I don't think you will be lonely forever - you seem like someone who really seeks out and values friendships with others.

 

I really think that engaging in sport is a great way to connect with new people, and so is TAFE. What sport are you playing at the moment?

 

Here are some of the fact sheets that we've been talking about on making friends, communicating, and this story about someone's life moving on from school and how that affected frienships.

 

Here to help,

 

Lahna