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Mother selfish decision or ungrateful children ?, asking for second opinion

Hello, I realized everyone has their own family issues, however I have no idea who to talk to. I would like to talk to a counselor but I always cant bring myself to do it, I have also tried talking to my friends however as this also related to financial issues it become a very difficult topic to asked.

 

I lived in city center with my elder brother and our mother. My father passed away when I was in high school and now I just started to work, However, now my mum keeps pestering me to give her more financial support (which I cant because I am also savings up for myself). I am able unable to support her more than now and I suggested her to move in to my grandma house which will be out of the city as it will have less living expense. However, my mum still want to stay in city because she wants to stay in the house she used to live with my dad.

My elder brother trying to give an extra financial support for my mum, but I also noticed since he increase his support, he become more temperament and always making my mum cried. I asked my mum to stop receiving additional support from my brother so she will not be oppressed, however my mum still choose to continue as she need that extra financial support to stay in our old house even with the oppression.

 

Right now I don't know what to do, should I respect her decision and ignore her oppression or keep asking her to move out of the city since we cant support her financially or gives all my savings so she can stay in our old house without being oppressed or perhaps there is something else that may help

Re: Mother selfish decision or ungrateful children ?, asking for second opinion

This is a hard situation to be in @Arle ! Is your mum currently working? If she's been out of the work force a while it may be harder to find a job but there are many entry level jobs for adults out there which she could do (such as cleaning) which means she could be financially independent instead of relying on you and your brother.

I do understand where your mum is coming from but her reasons are selfish and she shouldn't make you or your brother support her because of her wants. Maybe moving out of the city would be good for her and let her have a fresh start.

It's great that you're saving money as you never know when you might need it.

I would explain to her that you are unable to give her anymore money and if she wants to continue to stay in the house then she will need to figure her own ways to do it.

Have you spoken to your brother about this and how your mum is guilting you into giving her more money? You could also speak to your grandma about this and maybe she could convince your mum to move in with her?

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Whatever it takes I know I can make it through!

Re: Mother selfish decision or ungrateful children ?, asking for second opinion

Hi @Arle,
It sounds like you are in a really difficult situation at the moment and are confused about what to do. 

Can you tell me how it makes you feel when your Mum asks to give her financial support?

Also can I ask is your Mum working at the moment?

 

Perhaps you could arrange a time to talk to your Mum about the situation, how it is making you feel, suggest possible options to give her more support - helping your Mum connect with people who can help her manage her finances, find a sustainable job, or ask for financial assistance (e.g. Centrelink). Also, to let her know the pressure it is putting on you at the moment. 

 

Does this idea sound along the right track?

 

What do you think you want to see happen next in your current situation? And what can we do to help you in this situation?