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Moving out of home

Hi everyone!

 

I just wanted to start a new thread because my parents have made the decision to move back to our hometown, which means I will be moving out in a few weeks. I'm a little nervous, because I have never lived out of home before, and although I will be living with my sister, I am a bit concerned about loneliness, as well as taking on the responsibility of doing everything for myself (e.g. cooking, cleaning, paying bills) on top of university and work. I like to think I am pretty organised, but I know that added stress can trigger my OCD and I guess I am a little concerned about how I will cope with the change.

 

Does anyone have any advice for living out of home with a mental illness? I would love to hear from someone who may have been through this experience and get their perspective on the highs and lows of moving out and 'adulting' for the first time.

Re: Moving out of home

Hey @queenP 

 

Moving out for the first time is a big step and it's completely understandable that you are nervous!

Do you and your sister get along well? Maybe you could schedule certain times throughout the week to spend time together so you don't feel so alone?

One thing I find really helpful to keep on top of everything is a whiteboard in the kitchen with all the things I need to do on it. My friend keeps a calendar hanging on her fridge with all the dates her bills and things are due. I find that planning everything out really helps ease some of the anxiety I feel about how much I have to do on top of work.

 

Hope this is a bit helpful Smiley Happy

Re: Moving out of home

Wow, that's a huge step @queenP! Moving out of home is such a big milestone, and it's so good that you're thinking through how to make the adjustment go as smoothly as possible.

 

I agree with everything @dog_lover94 has said, haha I've actually got a whiteboard hanging in my kitchen for the exact same reason.

 

One piece of advice I have is to take time to step back from the stress and enjoy the positive things about the experience, and try and do that each day. Maybe finding a spot you like in your new place and relax there, or enjoy having more say over decorating/ furniture arranging of the whole house instead of just your room, or invite friends round (I find it feels exciting and different when it's your house and not your parents), or make a meal you love but didn't have often at home.

 

Scheduling is great too. Both to keep on top of stuff you need to do, and to set aside time for stuff you want to do. If (for example) you know you're going to do your cleaning/ washing every Saturday morning and go over your budget the first Monday of every month, it helps to know you're on top of those things and takes a lot of the stress out of it. And it helps having at least a few things that you enjoy doing that you schedule in once a week so you've got stuff to look forward to. Think about the things you need (whether that's time with other people, or doing a hobby, or something relaxing) and try and set aside time for that to happen.

 

I'd also suggest having a conversation with your sister about how to divide up household responsibilities, and how you can bring up issues with each other that might come up.

 

And one more thing I'd say is to utilize your support network. Do you have much of a support network already? Having people you can talk to about how you're feeling about it all when it's stressful or hard, or call just to chat if you're feeling lonely, makes a huge difference. I'd also suggest thinking about if you'll need anything different types of support from people you're close to in this new phase of life. (For instance if you're close with your parents and knew they'd be willing to help you out if you had an unexpected cost come up, that might make the transition feel a lot less stressful and pressured).

 

Good luck, and let us know how you go Smiley Happy

Re: Moving out of home

Moving out of home can be exciting and scary at the same time @queenP. It's awesome that your parents trust you and your sister to live on your own. Smiley Happy I just wanted to let you know that if you don't like it or feel as though you can't cope, it's okay to ask for help. I haven't lived out of home before, but because my parents are often out all day, I've been having to take on a lot more responsibilities as well as looking out for my grandma. I'm hopefully going to get some extra support soon with regard to her care.

It can sometimes help to write down some priorities about what you would like to focus on and what needs to be done. I have a physical diary, a calendar app on my phone that can sync to my computer, a timetable app and some other apps that can help with reminders, notes and to-dos. It has really helped me to keep a folders of medical and other information that I can quickly refer to. I also find it useful to keep records of addresses, contact details of supports and services (e.g., companies you pay bills to and repair companies), expenses (there are lots of apps and sites which can also help you plan a budget), useful websites, etc.

It is also helpful to have a plan about how to 'troubleshoot' household appliances, electricity, internet, etc. We have had to know where our electricity box is and what the controls do (e.g., sometimes we only need to turn on and off electricity to one part of the house). It can be useful to write down websites where you can check if services to your area are working correctly.

Keeping an eye on your expenses and transactions is also really important. Sometimes, companies have deducted twice the amount of money from our account. Once, we tried to cancel a subscription from a meal delivery company. I tried to cancel through the website, but boxes were still being delivered which they were still charging us for. So I emailed them asking for them to cancel our subscription and I received an email back saying that they have now done so. But money was still being deducted from our account, so we had to go to our bank, explain the situation and get them to physically block the company from being able to access our account. I've heard of similar things happening with gym memberships. These things can really add up if you're not paying attention.

Something that a lot of people find useful is downloading a habit tracker app. I use one myself to help me remember and see when I have taken my medication or done things for my health. Although not part of its intended purpose, it can help you remember the last time you did something, such as a household task. There are lots of these kinds of apps out there but this one lets you set an unlimited number of habits and doesn't have any ads.
There are also apps that can help with setting a schedule for repeated household tasks, such as this one, this one and this one.

Cooking and preparing food on your own can also be hard at first. Here is a website that suggests recipes depending on the ingredients that you have at home. Apps such as Google Keep and Remember the Milk can help you share shopping lists with members of your household, so you can tell someone to pick up groceries on the way home for example.

Re: Moving out of home

Thank you all for the really helpful tips! 

 

@dog_lover94 I do get along quite well with my sister, we are best friends so I am sure that we will be able to help each other out when it comes to loneliness. 

 

@hellofriend @WheresMySquishy Thank you for all of the advice, I'll be sure to give all those things a try!

Re: Moving out of home

Hey @queenP wishing you all the best for moving out with your sister!

It definitely is a big step, and I believe in you! Heart

I moved out of home for the first time this year, and managing my mental health has been the biggest challenge. I think the number one thing is to be open with the person you're living with (in your case, your sister) about where you're at and things that might trigger/do trigger you. 

When I haven't discussed my highs and lows with my housemate, my sense of isolation skyrockets and it impacts everything else.

Making lists also tends to help me with organisation e.g. I'll keep a shopping list with me on my phone, and some of those reusable tote bags with me so that I can pop into the grocery store whenever I might need to.

I hope this helps Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //
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Re: Moving out of home

Hey @queenP Smiley Happy
I’m wishing you the best of luck moving into your own home!!
I haven’t personally experienced it but my brother recently built his own house and is living alone.. although it did start out as a bad experience for him as he attempted to commit suicide after feeling lonely, it did get better because he didn’t know how to basically live on his own. But this has brought up conversations in my family about how to help him live on his own!
My favourite piece of advice that I heard is getting a pet.. this depends on how much spare time you and your sister have and might be an option later on but it would help with loneliness and give you something to do!
Another thing I have heard is just because you are moving into a new house on your own, doesn’t mean you need to be totally independent. Like don’t feel like you HAVE to do things on your own now. Know your limits and remember your supports are always there if you need them. Take care of yourself and do each thing at a time Smiley Happy
Also if you’re worried about financial problems and being able to afford living on your own, talk to your sister and split the bills.
And as much as it feels nice to have a clean modern house with plain colours and furniture, make it comfortable.. like buy ornaments and furniture and things that suit your style. I know this sounds pointless but it’s more comforting and actually releases stress after coming home from work, school etc. to a comforting place.
Invite friends over regularly, go out with people, make a movie night once a week with your sister, FaceTime or call friends and finding new hobbies can keep you busy too!

Sorry if this isn’t any help but I hope it goes well!
How long do you have until you have to move out?
If you find that moving in hasn’t been a positive thing then maybe considering moving in with your girlfriend or moving back to your hometown with your parents would be good Smiley Happy

Re: Moving out of home

Thanks @letitgo and @Bananatime04, I'm feeling a lot better! I'm starting to pack up my stuff tomorrow, and I get the keys next weekend so I'm feeling good. I have talked to my sister about expectations and who is going to do what, so we are going to get a whiteboard planner so we know each other's schedules and see how we go! I'm sure it will be a trial and error experience. 

Re: Moving out of home

Well good luck @queenP! Smiley Happy
Remember we’re always here to talk if you need some support during this huge change!
I’m happy to hear you spoke to your sister too and sorted out the whiteboard suggestion Smiley Happy

Re: Moving out of home

That's exciting @queenP!

I'm sure it will be a bit of a learning curve between you and your sister while you figure everything out. But as time goes on it should get easier Smiley Happy

 

Good luck and let us know how the move goes!