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My Fault

I tend to believe that everything bad that has happened to me is my fault, especially some really bad things that were going on when I was younger. 

I don't know how to get past this and I'm interested to hear other people's experiences with self blaming and sort of open up a conversation about ways to battle it. 


//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: My Fault

@j95 it sucks when everything seems to be our fault, but it's important to recognise that it's not true.

In cases where I have done something, played a part in the outcome, I accept that it was, in part, my fault and I let it go. I take resoonsibilty for my actions and if possible try to fix the situation.

However, sometimes it is not my fault. It is just something that has happened. One thing that could be done is similar to above, accept what has happened except not because of you, but because of reasons. Outside reasons that you can add if you wish. You had no control over these situations.

Another thing could be to just get it out. Why you blame yourself, things you did that affected the outcome, things you could've done. Get it out and let it go. Burn it, shred it.

Re: My Fault

This is a really awesome idea for a thread @j95 - I know self-blame is such a common thing for us all to experience every now and then, so I'm betting pretty much everyone here will have their own ideas to share. I'm so excited to see what everyone comes up with.


I know @Bay52VU was working a couple of months ago on developing self-compassion which is kind of a similar idea?

Re: My Fault

Cool thanks @Kaz-RO

I just feel like I've done something wrong and I deserve to be this way, everything that happened to me was my fault, I must of messed up along the way for things to go how they did.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: My Fault

Hey J, such a brave thread... Sadly one of the fundamental ways that abuse works is that the victim is made to feel that it is their fault. I've been trying to find a way to explain it properly but I think this page does it better than I can, so have a read.


Basiaclly it says that experiencing any form of trauma/abuse in childhood can affect you as an adult in fundamental ways. There is lots you can do about it, but without help, survivors can be out of touch with their feelings - confused by emotions or reactions they cannot explain.What you experienced taught you to turn negative emotions in on yourself - especially shame and anger...


So you are defintely doing the right things by being open about it and trying to address it... keep it up!


Here's something else I found... How to free yourself from self-blame


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Re: My Fault

Wow thanks @Sophie-RO I had a read of the first link and it made sense. I haven't looked at the last one yet.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//