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My Mum died and I don’t know how to cope (TW)

When I was two my mum died from cancer. I know that was a long time ago but it really hit me this year. It finally hit me that she’s gone and isn’t coming back. I just feel so alone because I don’t have any full siblings and the only ones I have, have different mums. No one understands and I can’t explain it to them because they think that if it happened so long ago then I should be over it. I’m so alone and no one understands. Sometimes I just want to die and get it over with, because it would be easier if it was me not her.

Re: My Mum died and I don’t know how to cope (TW)

Hey @alonechild3 ,

 

Welcome to the forum Heart.  I am so sorry to learn about your mum.  I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been for you.  It does not matter that it happened so long ago; losing a mother is among the most difficult things in life.  Therefore it's not fair for someone to say you 'should be over it'.  Coming on here and disclosing shows real courage from you!  You are not alone though as we are here to support you.

 

I just want to check it to ensure you're safe?  If you need additional support please call KHL (1800 551 800 , or Headspace (1800 650 890) .  They have phone counsellors do support you during this difficult time.

 

 

 

Re: My Mum died and I don’t know how to cope (TW)

Hi @alonechild3! Welcome to the forums!

I can understand how you are still mourning your mum even though she died when you were two. I think the loss of a parent isn't something that you can get over completely. There are some things that you would want your mum to be around for, such as the milestones in your life and the challenges that you face when growing up. It's tough not being able to have the support of a parent or not being able to see how proud they are of you during those times. I'm sure that there is a void that your family feels without your mum.

I've heard lots of people say that they only started grieving someone they lost in their childhood when they were teenagers or adults, so it's not uncommon to be processing the loss at an older age.

I know they won't replace your mum, but do you have any people you are close to? It could be a teacher or member of your extend family, for example.  Are you able to confide in them about how you feel? If not, do you think that seeing a psychologist or counsellor would help you work through your loss?

Re: My Mum died and I don’t know how to cope (TW)

Hi @alonechild3 

 

That sounds like a really difficult thing to try to cope with, especially if you were too young to process it at the time...

Grieving works really differently for everyone, and there isn't some set time when you "should be over it". I'm so sorry that the people around you aren't understanding of that...

 

As well as the resources that @TOM-RO put up here, I believe there are also grief and bereavement helplines (or webchats if you prefer to use text) that can help you through some of this. Would you like me to find the links to a few of them?

 

I know that there are others here who've lost parents and are struggling, and they might really understand what you're going through.

Some of us here haven't had a similar experience, but we're still here to listen and to support you as best as we can.

 

You're welcome here, as are all of your experiences, emotions and everything else that comes with that.

I really hope that the forums help you feel less alone in all this.

Re: My Mum died and I don’t know how to cope (TW)

Hey @alonechild3,

 

I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. It's such a difficult thing to deal with, regardless of your age, but I can imagine it would be really hard to come to terms with given you were two when it happened. 

 

As @TOM-RO  and @Tiny_leaf mentioned, I don't think you ever get over losing a parent, so I'm sorry people around you are making as feel as though you should be over it. I lost my dad earlier this year and my partner lost their mum at 11, both to cancer and while it happened to both of us at really different times and stages in our lives, it doesn't make the loss any easier to deal with. 

 

You mentioned you feel alone in dealing with this, what did you think of @WheresMySquishy's suggestion about somebody close to you that you could confide in? Also, have you heard of Canteen? It's a really great community that brings together a whole host of young people that have/had cancer themselves or within their family. Sometimes it can be really helpful talking to others that have been through something similar.

 

Take care @alonechild3 and let us know how you're getting on

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Re: My Mum died and I don’t know how to cope (TW)

Thanks I really needed that

Re: My Mum died and I don’t know how to cope (TW)

hi @alonechild3
im very sorry for your loss Heart
just wanted to check in to see how your coping?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**