Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

My brothers abusive and toxic relationship

Hi, I am writing this post in regards to my younger brother. He has been in a relarionship for about a year now with this girl. When they got together we had not yet met her until until a few months later as she told us my borther wouldnt let her come to meet us, which I thought was strange of him. Anyway, so we eventually meet her, to our suprise she didnt seem his usual type. After meeting her over a period of a few weeks she seemed friendly enough.


Although I did notice she would only ever really talk about my brother when my Mum and I met up with her. She mainly talked/complained frequently about how my brother treats her (kinda painting my brother as a crappy boyfriend to her).


She would also alot of the time ask for relationship advice from myself and dicuss about how they argue alot. She rarely talked about herself and never asked much about my family.


In the first few months my brother was living at home and I could hear him and her often arguing on the phone. She would call him late at night even though she knew he had an early morning start to work the next day. They would argue and then my brother would go straight round to hers to fix things. Over time he ended up rarely coming back to the family home and staying at her place. 


My brother became stressed and seemed less like himself and more serious. Prior to her he dated another girl and the contrast to their relationships is completely different, he seemed more relaxed and happy. My family and I even went on holiday with him for a few days as he seemed over stressed. I noticed on this holiday she was constantly texting him and calling. 


It has now been a year and things have got out of control. They argue all the time and he had moved out to live at hers. One night a month ago he came home crying as they had a massive argument and she had even hurt. My mum spoke to him told him its not okay or normal and he did his own thing and decided to forgive her and give her one last chance. A week ago he came home upset again and this time it was even worse as she had hurt him. He blocked her online and told us he was done with her. 


But, now shes starting calling him again telling him to man up and that it was his fault she hurt him. She is also saying that she was "sexually assualted" at work which too me sounds like lies. Is she trying to manipulate him? He is from the sounds of it believing her and I can tell he still loves her.


So I am now worried they are going to get back together which I do not want to happen as she hurt him emotionally and physically. She might hurt him worse next time and that scares me. I don't want to say anything to my brother as I do not want to over step my boundaries or push him closer to her. If they do get together I want to have words with her and also try to speak some sense to my brother. What should my family do?




Re: My brothers abusive and toxic relationship

Hey there @LeilaLo


It can be really difficult to see a loved one go through a tough time and be hurt in their relationships. Have you spoken to your other family members about the situation? They might have an idea what you can do for your brother. It's okay that you don't want to say anything to your brother. Sometimes it can be hard for people to see past their love for someone else. 

A great place to contact about this, if you're still unsure, is 1800Respect, as they offer telephone or webchat counseling around relationships and may be able to give you some advice around your brother. What do you think?


I was wondering, do you have any supports that you can talk to about this? While it's great that you're there for your brother, it's also important to take care of yourself during this time. 


Just letting you know that I edited out some of the details in your post, including the name of your brother's girlfriend, to keep anonymity. 



Our new guidelines are now live, check them out here!