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My cry for help!


I have been in an abusive relationship for the past 4 and a half years. Everyday and every moment I think its going to go away or get better. But it doesnt. My husband has been verbally abusing me and the rest of his family and it happens when he picks up the bottle and starts to drink away. In fact, I am aware he binge drinks however he has informed me in a number of occasions that he is not an alcoholic and this situation can change. Over the past 4 years, I have relentlessly listened to empty promises and how things will change but nothing has ever happened. Thats incorrect actually... Change happens but its only for that moment and for a very short period of time. Does this sound familiar to anyone?


His family is very supportive about the situation and they keep telling me let us know what you want to do? I am not sure what to do?... I have tried the angry wife, the loving and sweet wife ..the AA meetings.. the counselling and  every way that one can think off  in the book., I have always feared that one day he would lay his hands on me. And yesterday, he pushed me to the door and told me to get out of the house (which is his mantra when he is drunk)... I have been told  by him and my in laws that the house is also mine and I should not go. And I did not leave the house. To my good luck, my father in law arrived and he saw what his son was doing and was hurting me and managed to diffuse the situation. At the moment,  there is a sharp pain around the left shoulder blade and along my right arm. And he comes in the morning, apologising to me about this telling me he is sorry. .. again!!!!!!!!


I know that I actually fear for my life and the life of my precious  two and half year old son as I am terrified for him. I do not want him to  think that it is ok to abuse or for him to be abused in the process.  I am totally lost and am so unsure what to do and how to deal with this situation because whatever I do never happens.. as I have tried to leave but he told me to come back  .. and due to family pressure I did go back .. however now I realise I might be in this rutt for the rest of my life...!!!!


Can anyone help me ?


Re: My cry for help!

Hey, @rr. Welcome to Thanks for posting, though I'm sorry to hear about what has brought you to do so. I'll preface this by saying that is designed to support young people aged up to 25 years who might be going through a hard time. I don't know how old you are, but I just want to make sure you know that, should you be any older than 25, mightn't be able to provide the support that you seek. In saying that, though, if you do feel as though it is of benefit to you being on the forums, then, by all means, please stick around. We're more than happy for you to do that.


The first thing I would say to you is that domestic and family violence is a criminal offence. It's certainly not something you have to put up with. As you yourself found, though, it's not always as easy as simply walking away. Have you considered involving police? I know that too is not always an easy thing to do, but, to tell you the truth, I don't know that there are many easy options available to you at the moment. Whichever way you look at it, the road ahead is a tough one. But you're a survivor, rr. You've always made it. And you're gonna make it again this time...


Re: My cry for help!

Hey @rr


I don't have much to add to the above post. All I can think is that it looks like you've been pushed to the only remaining option, which is to contact the police. If you are currently experiencing pain, you should see a doctor just to be sure there isn't any more serious damage.


Even if you're not feeling threatened right now (if you are, please call 000) it's better to at least visit a police station and let them know what's happening now, so they can provide you with some solutions. It's better to do that now than wait until you need to contact them through 000.


Any form of violence, physical, emotional or mental, regardless of intoxication, is absolutely 100% unacceptable and 100% illegal. In my personal and very humble opinion, the best lesson you can teach your child is that abuse should never, ever, be tolerated.


Re: My cry for help!

Hi rr, 


I am sorry to hear that this has been happening to you during these past few years. 

Your situation resonates quite strongly with me - as I too have previously been in an abusive relationship. What's been going on does sound very familiar to me. It's very hurtful when someone that you care about constantly lies to you or says they'll change their habits but they don't. You do end up feeling very frustrated at this person and at yourself because even if you've tried really hard to taking the steps to get help, you still don't know what you're doing, you don't know where to start, it hasn't gone anywhere or you feel no one understands.


What you've been doing is a great step into looking for help and I can understand that you've tried to approach it from many angles. Personally, what worked for me is talking about it with close friends and seeing a counsellor or psychologist to see if they can provide any advice. Even though you don't know what to do, could you talk to your in-laws about it? As his wife, you may have your ways of approaching him but his family may have other ways. 


Violence is definitely not ok - it never is. It is really important to look after yourself and your son so ensure that you are prepared. If it escalates, call triple zero (000) in the case of emergency/immediate danger. You can also find toll-free numbers or resources in your local area that can provide shelter or emergency accomodation, particularly for women and children, if you ever need to leave the house. Having the phone numbers of family members, friends or other people can trust can also come in handy as a quick getaway or just to let them know that you are safe. 


I hope this helps. Stay strong!

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