cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

My ex is creeping me out, please help!

I broke up with my ex boyfriend 2 months ago (I'm a girl) He still keeps trying to talk to me every time he sees me which is once a week at my social group. He keeps talking about remaining friends if I don't want to date him. I like someone else, but I'm afraid if I start dating someone new he is going to try to sabotage it try to hurt me or worse because of it. He treated me badly in the relationship and I started falling for my best friend (boy) who I had liked long before I started dating, who my ex had always been jealous of. In the relationship I was always accused of cheating on him with my best friend. I never tried to use him though, I wanted it to work but he just had too many insecurities and no respect for me. Everything I said just went over his head. I'm just really scared for my safety because he's been stalking my Facebook and getting really angry when ever I talk to my best friend. He also gets really angry because I won't tell him where I work or anything new that happens in my life. What can I do without making it worse? Please help!

Re: My ex is creeping me out, please help!

Hello again @Hicks. This guy just won't let go, huh? Not cool.

 

From what you have told us in the past you have been really fair and respectful towards your ex even when he hasn't been very nice in return. The kind of behaviour your ex is displaying towards you is not okay and has nothing to do with being friends, it seems more like he's trying to control you and what you do... unfortunately some guys don't realise that this is a shitty thing to do and can result in some pretty significant consequences too. 

 

You have been very strong before and it's time to do that again and make it clear that he has no power here. He needs to know that he can either start acting like an actual friend or just go away. I feel like this wizard of oz meme is somewhat relevant (although here on RO we like to use our words rather than houses to solve our problems)

 

652.jpg

 

 

It's not okay for him to ask about where you work, it's not okay for him to stalk your facebook, it's not okay for him to sabotage a relationship and basically, it's not okay for him to get angry or aggresive towards you for having a life and feelings for other people - because you can literally do whatever you want and he has no right to an opinion or control of that.

 

Anyway, if I'm on the right track here, then here's some things you could do to start making things a little better:

 

Sometimes it can be helpful to think about things in terms of boundaries, you define for yourself what behaviour is okay and what behaviour is not okay. Do you want to have a go at that? 

 

 

Do you want to talk about what you might be able to say to him to make all of that clear? Do you think you might need some backup to help you out here? Who could help? 

 

Also  1800 RESPECT  can definitely help with this if you want to chat with someone 1 on 1 Smiley Happy 

 

Hope that helps! Let us know how you're doing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Re: My ex is creeping me out, please help!

Hey @Hicks

 

Gosh, that's a significant pickle that you're in. So sorry that you're feeling rather uncomfortable and safe about handling your ex, who is continuously being disrespectful towards you. But it's great that you've tried to set some civil boundaries as you progress with your life too. @Ben-RO has offered some fantastic advice to contact 1800 RESPECT and I hope you find it useful. 

 

You've said that your ex appears to be stalking your Facebook and getting angry when you interact with other people. Have you been able to adjust your privacy settings online? It may prevent him from looking through your profile and using information against you. 

 

It sounds like your best friend is being supportive of during this time too. Do you think that you could set some physical boundaries with your ex, when you're feeling unsafe? This could be going out with a group, rather than on your own. If you're still feeling unsafe, are there any teachers, counsellors, or a person that you trust that could help with this? 

 

Hope this helps and let us know how it all goes

___________________________________________________
Stay excellent

Re: My ex is creeping me out, please help!

I agree with @Myvo taking a look at your privacy settings on facebook is always a good idea!

Re: My ex is creeping me out, please help!

Thanks everyone @mimbochi@Myvo it was quite useful. However I'm still not sure how to deal with when I see him at my social group. He just keeps arguing with me and trying to start a fight. I understand that he might be a little jealous of my best friend because throughout the relationship and even the day I broke up with my now ex about the relationship. I'm just scared that he is going to try and do something to harm me physically.

Re: My ex is creeping me out, please help!

@Hicks I am glad to hear that you found that little suggestion somewhat useful. 

 

In regards to your concerns  that your ex may physcially harm you, I will say that if you do feel as though you are at risk of physical harm you need to contact the police. No one has the right to make you feel unsafe. Is there someone that you are able to talk to in your life, a trusted adult such as a family member, youth worker or family friend? It is definitely a good idea for someone else to be aware of your situation and what you are feeling, and it may help you to feel more at ease. 

 

In addition Headspace and 1800 Respect are both fantastic and can offer some useful tips in relation to managing your own emotions and staying safe in your situation. 

Re: My ex is creeping me out, please help!

I agree @Hicks, if you are worried that your ex may cause you physical harm you need to tell someone. That could one or any of the following:  a teacher, your parents, school counsellor, the police, or the people at 1800 RESPECT. Ideally your ex would get some counselling to help him get over this jealousy, but in the meantime your safety (and sanity!) is the most important thing so please let someone know about your concerns.

Re: My ex is creeping me out, please help!

I have told my mum, she believes he could hurt me. We haven't gone to the police because we feel like that would only make it worse.

Re: My ex is creeping me out, please help!

How about having a chat to 1800 RESPECT with the support of your mum @Hicks, would having that backup help?