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Re: Needing someone to talk to

That is an awesome, detailed schedule @Sean8573. Can I ask which bits of it tend to get messed up? And which bits are pretty great and stable?

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Re: Needing someone to talk to

Well to start with I don't find any of it mentally stimulating so therefore boring except my game, gardening etc and cooking dinner. Things get stuffed up when work takes over most of the day or if I am struggling physically and/or mentally usually from staying up until 2, 3, 4, 5am or all night or if things have built up because of previous days when I have not done all the things to look after myself. I usually find as well I can go really well for about 3 weeks and then my enthusiasm drops off that's when I need motivation and encouragement etc the most to keep going and keep looking after myself because it does work very well when I am on top of it. For some reason I get complacent and think I feel good I should be right. Very often makes me feel like an idiot because I can't work out how to conquer it myself.
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Re: Needing someone to talk to

@Sean8573 yeah I have wondered why people can't just spend all of their time doing only things they enjoy. I guess it's all part of living and going through this journey called life. The best we can do is try to incorporate more of the things we really love in with the things we have to do because they are good for our stability (and paying bills in some cases!). That said, what are some of your other interests/ passions that you think you could bring into your life (when you're ready)?

 

It's so great to hear that you have such a supportive partner and I can see that you really appreciate her and don't want to burden her. That shows you have high awareness. It's totally okay and healthy and desirable to get help when we need it. Sometimes we need it more than other times. In your case you need a bit of an extra push every 3 weeks and that's okay. Doing the same thing repeatedly is not easy for majority of people so try not to be so hard on yourself. You've made some amazing strides in just the last little while.

 

Can I ask what keeps you up at night? Are there nights when you are able to get enough sleep (if yes, what's different about that day/evening)? 

 

I can also sense that when you don't get to do everything on the list, you feel quite bad about it after. Going a bit easy on yourself because you are human like the rest of us could really help you. In my own life it has taken me some trial and error to realise that if I'm not being hard on myself, it doesn't mean I'm being complacent. In fact, I've become complacent about stuff when I've been really hard on myself for a long time which eventually results in fatigue, anxiety and lack of motivation. Do you think you could try a bit more of self-acceptance when you find yourself falling behind on stuff and then feeling very bad about it?

 

Sorry for alllll the questions in one post!! You can ignore or address whichever ones you like Smiley Happy

 

 

 

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Re: Needing someone to talk to

That's ok thanks for asking. I don't have any hobbies like most people I don't understand why really but I know I need mentally stimulating stuff and/or feeling I am doing good. I know I am very intelligent and want to learn and absorb everything, I know my flaws too. We are looking at going into commercial mowing so its a bit easier on me physically which I will enjoy until its built up and then it will bore me but like you said you have to pay the bills. After that I would like to work on business projects because I am good at thinking about every detail, set up the business and either sell it or have other people run it because I'm not a people person. That's what I feel my destiny is and it would keep me mentally stimulated enough. If only it would happen yesterdaySmiley Wink

Yeah that's right just to know someone cares and an extra push every 3 weeks is all I want to help me be the best me I can, I don't want flash clothes, items or to be rich or anything else.

Yes I am slowly learning how to be kinder to myself although it is a deep rooted thing that is hard to shake. The mindfulness and cognitive re-enforcement help but when I don't get to or don't complete my list my mental state isn't as good. Here is what I use for cognitive re-enforcement

You deserve good things in your life and to be happy because

-you have been through plenty of crap
-99.9% of the time you are a good person
-you are honest, loving and want to do the right thing without even trying
-you could be dead tomorrow
-you are not worthless

You are not worthless because

-you contribute joy to others lives, you love them, would be there for them and would do anything for them
-everyone is worth something including you

Forgive yourself for past mistakes because

-99.9% of the time you are not that person
-you must redeem yourself and become who you really are, you must strive and thrive
-you are learning all the time and growing. You didn't know as much back then.

You are not what others think you are because

-they honestly don't know you that well
-they honestly don't want to know you that well
-their view of you is convenient for them, forgive them for this
-you know who you are be that person it is ok now, you know this
-you will attract the right people

You will be able to do this because

-the tough days will pass and your future self will thank you for not giving up
-you have all the capabilities
-you will get through this day and the next day and all the rest of the days just like you have gotten through very tough days before

Look at all the great things you have achieved

-improved yourself and continue to learn and improve
-love for wife
-love for your kids
-love for your family
-adapted to aspergers
-an IQ of 136
-great scores at a university level
-art
-quit smoking
-improved yourself mentally
-beaten ill mental health
-survived every physical and mental hardship
-you remain positive

Be grateful for the things you have

-Wife's love
-your home
-your family
-your business
-your strengths
-you can walk,talk, hear, see, smell,
-you are not an arsehole
-you have food to eat and water to drink
-you are not homeless
-all your family are alive
-you are not in jail

Things that are not stupid or a pain and you need to stop thinking like that and have a positive outlook on life

-you are not stupid
-doing the things you need to, to get better is not stupid
-maintaining your great life and working towards projects is not stupid
-physical effort is not stupid
-life in general is not stupid
-building your relationships with people is not stupid

Challenge those inner voices

-you are good enough
-you are worthy
-socialising is not a pain
-maintenance does not suck
-you love your body
-things are not boring
-you don't just want to rest
-you don't want to be self destructive
-you don't want to procrastinate and miss your dreams


-Wife's children will love you, you need do nothing at all
-Your children will love you, you need do nothing at all
Life is a marathon not a sprint, hang in keep fighting stay calm enjoy the good you have right now

My brain or pain keeps me up at night. If I look after myself or if my wife and I ummm 'snuggle' I get a good sleep or alcohol use to help but I haven't had any alcohol or coke because of my anxiety and depression since I first posted on this site (although it's tempting as hell).

Yes I am hard on myself when I don't do everything on the list but also if I don't look after myself by doing the things on the list I'm not as well physically or mentally so it's a double whammy. When I'm going well with it I am mentally and physically well and then I tend to get cocky ans forget how bad it is when I dont look after myself and think I'll be ok if I skip this or that and I'm not. Yes you are right being tough on myself ends up contributing to stress and pain and being counter productive.

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Re: Needing someone to talk to

@Mona-RO I forgot that I love learning things especially watching biographies or history shows learning how us humans work.
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Re: Needing someone to talk to

Hey @Sean8573

 

Welcome to ReachOut!

 

I'm also a fan of history shows and biographies - there are definitely some interesting people out there and a lot of weird stuff that has happened in history so far!

 

Looks like you're good at positive self-talk and acknowledging what your strengths and 'room for improvement' stuff is too. You've said that you can be relatively hard on yourself and that when things go well, you tend to become cocky and get ahead of yourself. But, you become disappointed when stuff suddenly goes downhill - is that right? 

 

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and it looks like you're a good goal-setter too. I've seen by your list here that you're working towards improving your overall health and well-being. 

 

How've you been finding building up on your goals and key strengths so far? It can be a slow process for sure but it looks like you're becoming more motivated!

 

Keep us posted and we're always here to hear you out 

___________________________________________________
Stay excellent
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Re: Needing someone to talk to

@Myvo thank you. Yeah lots to learn in history and very interesting hey. Before I was 25 I didn't care about any of it probably because it was all about dates at school. I'm lucky to know when myself and love ones around me were born. Don't ask me what happened in any random year. If someone said what happened in my own life in 2014 or 1998 I would have no clue.

I'm getting better at positive self talk and sort of stand up for myself now and be kind to myself. The main inner voice has been 'you idiot, what is wrong with you, better get it right next time'. It doesn't help with the aspergers when I just don't understand some things especially socially (I was only diagnosed 2 years ago, so thats a lot of years of him beating me up for not getting it right). He still hangs around and is hard to get rid of but maybe one day I will wear him down and he will give up.

Yes I get complacent/cocky/forgetful when I have been looking after myself because I feel good and hyperfocus on all the stuff I can get done once I am feeling good. Yes I get disappointed with this because I don't understand why I can be so forgetful, naive and complacent. I think to myself 'why would you do that you know how much it hurts you physically and mentally when you don't look after yourself'. I haven't found a way to learn that yet.

Honestly I think Ive done great overall. I've been working on myself since I was 25 so that's 18 years. I now have a great understanding of myself especially since the aspergers diagnosis, everything makes sense now. I have an answer to everything that I need to improve to look after myself and I see all those things improving in the future. The only thing I honestly don't know what to do with is the sticking to the looking after myself. I was hoping I might be able to get some help with the NDIS but my wife and I earn too much money. I thought that maybe somewhere online I might be able to find someone to check in on me once a day and motivate me when I get complacent/forget but can't find anything. The only thing I can think of is getting an open minded personal assistant in my business but that would be years off with putting money back into the business to build it up at the moment.

Thank you it helps me even just to talk
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Re: Needing someone to talk to

Hey @Sean8573 I'm really glad that talking here has helped you. With the good work that you're doing, I am quite sure you will continue to make great progress. I quickly wanted to let you know that ReachOut is an online community for people in the age range of 14-25 years. You can continue to get support at SANE Australia (http://saneforums.org/). Like RO, they also have an active community that provides supports Smiley Happy

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Re: Needing someone to talk to

Oh! So sorry I didnt know. Thanks for the info
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Re: Needing someone to talk to

Its all good @Sean8573! I am glad we could help you get a few more steps along in your journey Smiley Happy

 

I think something that would be cool is to turn your list into a flowchart. The reason i suggest this is that you have a list that's great when everything is going okay. Now you can write up plans with steps that help you when life gets a bit more complicated.

 

So for example. You could have a list for a good day, and a bit to the left of the list with things to do when work is busy, or you didn't get enough sleep, or whatever else helps.

 

This suggestion doesn't work for everybody, so it's okay if you don't want to try it or if you try it and it doesn't work too well for you.

 

I also had a look around for forums for people living with Austism Spectrum Disorders or Aspergers I found a few! I like the looks of WrongPlanet

 

Good luck in your journey @Sean8573 it's been so good talking to you!