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Not sure if this is abuse or not.

I have a friend and she has been telling me stuff about her family life. Her past with her parents wasn't what you would call happy and fantastic. I know she was abused by her father and bullied a lot but the police took care of it and just took her away from them for a while. She was given back but she's telling me more stuff, her parents treat her differently from her siblings. When she is sick or injured, they wait and procrastinate for weeks until they get to the doctor. When it's her siblings that are sick or injured they take them directly to the doctor. She is often the one that does lthe cleaning and often doesn't have time for homework and assignments and they rarely pay her school fees, they only pay her siblings. She has told me that she gets yelled at all the time and her father often calls her b*tch and stupid and other mean names. Her siblings treat her badly even though she does basically everything for them. They say that she can tell them what she is feeling but when she does, she just gets yelled at and they blame everything on her, she often bottles all her emotions because of that and I'm afraid she might go into depression if this keeps on happening.  Do you guys think this is abuse? if so, what type?

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Re: Not sure if this is abuse or not.

Hi @Tammy6879 your friend is going through a pretty hard time at home. I'm sorry for all the pain she's bearing. Nobody deserves to be treated so poorly and your home is meant to be a safe place. You're a very good friend for listening to her and reaching out here for her. From what you've described, she's going through emotional abuse. It is really important she gets the right kind of support so that she can learn coping skills and start thinking about what she wants her life to be like. Please ask her to contact the following services:  

 

She can also talk to the school counselor and take it from there.

 

I hope your friend can find the right support. Please also make sure you are taking care of yourself while you're there for her. 

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Re: Not sure if this is abuse or not.

She doesn't like going to someone for help, should I tell the counselor instead?
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Re: Not sure if this is abuse or not.

Hey @Tammy6879 I hear you, sounds like she has some concerns around seeking help; could even be due to previous experiences with opening up. Definitely could be good for you to head to the school counsellor for a chat. Counsellor's know how to work around confidentiality and support not only your friend, but also offer you some advice during this turbulence.

 

Sounds like you're doing everything you can for her Heart Are you looking after yourself during all of this as well? 

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Re: Not sure if this is abuse or not.

hi @Tammy6879 thank you for being a good friend to her. 

this is only my experience so i cant make diagnosis or anything so please bear that in mind while reading. 

 

myself and your friend have very similar experiences and what your desrcibing here except for me with the police bit but im currently seeing a counsellor and i brought up the stuff thats happening to me which is similar to your friend and i wa told it is emotional abuse. whihc is a form of abuse but instead of sexually or physically it is screwing with the mind and emotions making them feel totally worthless. 

i would keep encouraging your friend to seek some help

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: Not sure if this is abuse or not.

What does the counsellor do if you are being abused? Do they notify the police or tell parents?
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Re: Not sure if this is abuse or not.

Hey @Tammy6879 it's a fair question. There are mandatory reporting laws but it depends on the extent of what they discover once they start working with your friend. And of course that would be between the counsellor and your friend. Would you consider going to chat to the counsellor yourself?  They will be able to tell you more about how this works Smiley Happy You can also call a kids helpline counsellor and get some advice, they're super helpful and free. The number is 1800 55 1800.

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Re: Not sure if this is abuse or not.

Thankyou
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Re: Not sure if this is abuse or not.

Hey @Tammy6879 it's great that you're doing your best to support your friend. Hope it all goes well!

// Spiral outward, keep going. //