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Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

Hey @DruidChild,

I just read through this thread and wanted to hop on here and check how you're doing at the moment? It seems like you've got a lot going on at the moment. You seem like a really lovely and caring person, especially in how you're looking after your sister. I'm currently supporting my own sister, who has an ED and it's been pretty stressful if I'm honest. I haven't been through everything you've been through, but I can definitely relate, and I think you're really brave for picking yourself up and keeping on going even when you're experiencing so much stress.


I'm really sorry that your psychologist, counsellor and peer support worker don't seem to be supporting you that well. This might seem like a silly question, but have you brought up how you're feeling about them with them? So for example, have you said to the social worker "Hey, I'm sorry if this comes across as rude, but I feel that I would get more out of our time together if we spoke about/focussed on finding solutions to my problems?". This can help to reshape/reframe the sessions, you could return to goal-setting, or you might ask for a referral to another person if you feel you really can't work with the people you're seeing currently.


I know this might not be the right path for you, but I want to let you know that you deserve to be making progress and feeling better and that there are people out there who are amazing and can help immensely. Sending so many virtual good vibes your way.


“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

Dearest @DruidChild, I am sending you lots of love!

I hear you, and value you immensely. How's your writing going? Smiley Happy 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

Sorry for disappearing again. My OCD and anxiety and depression have all been bad. I’ve been having trauma reactions to stuff I didn’t previously. I’ve been self harming again which I hadn’t for a while Smiley Sad I’m so fucking tired of being frightened literally 24/7 (even when I sleep I have nightmares). 


@Tiny_leaf I hope your cat’s doing okay now Heart That keychain is so cute! 


Thank you @MisoBear! It’s really awesome that you care for your sister, you must be a strong person to help her deal with that. Honestly I don’t trust any mental health people anymore at all and on top of that it’s been really hard to speak at all a lot of the time, let alone speak while keeping the anger out of my voice. 


@letitgo thanks Heart I haven’t written anything in a while, I can’t seem to find the words anymore. 

Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

Hey @DruidChild , I'm sorry you've been feeling worse recently. It sounds like you're really going through it at the moment. 


With the self-harming, what strategies work for you in terms of distracting from these thoughts? There are a few suggestions here that you might like to take a look at. The most important thing is that you stay safe. What do you think might help you to do that at the moment? 


With mental health professionals, I can completely understand why you wouldn't feel you can trust them anymore. Mental health professionals are just people, and like anyone, there are going to be people we connect with and people who we don't. 


If you don't feel that the people you're seeing are treating you with respect, or you don't feel you are progressing, there are many options like asking for a referral to someone else or doing your own search online through Find A Psychologist.


Research on therapy shows the most important factor is the relationship you have with the mental health professional who you're seeing. You're never trapped or stuck seeing the same person. If you dread seeing them/don't trust them/feel you're not getting better, I would suggest writing down a list of traits you would want in a professional you're seeing. For me, that is: 1. Honest 2. Lets me speak without interrupting 3. Non-judgemental 4. Remembers things about me and is engaged during sessions. 


I hope you're able to find mental health professionals who are supportive and caring towards you because you deserve that. They are definitely out there. I know because I have met many of them, but it does take time to build trust. 


Also, you can be angry if you need to. Don't feel you need to hold it in. It can be good to let the anger or sadness or any other emotion out, especially if you're in a safe space such as a therapy room. My therapist always says "Don't apologise. This is the place you can let all of that out and it's okay. You don't ever need to feel bad for expressing how you feel in this room". So if you need to be angry, you can be. It's okay.


Sending good thoughts your way. I'm hoping you're safe and that things will get better for you. 


“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

Hi @DruidChild and thank you for checking back in with us Heart

It sounds like these last couple of weeks have been really stressful, and that you are doing the very best you can to get through each moment Heart That is all anyone can ask when things are feeling so painful- getting through each moment, one at a time.

Experiencing trauma reactions and triggers is really painful, and I can imagine that having these during waking time and sleeping time would take a huge toll on your health too Heart Completely understand that you are tired of feeling frightened- it shows so much resilience that you have been getting through each moment, on top of supporting your family members too.

We may not be able to be there in person to offer you a hug/a tea and someone to listen, but we are always here for you. Particularly those days when it feels like nothing is working and getting through the moment is hard, there are so many people here who can relate and will be an ear to hear you Heart

Have you got any plans for the week to help you get through the tough times?

Check out our community activities calendar here

Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

Thank you so much for your replies @MisoBear and @Jess1-RO Heart


Thank you for the link, I'll check it out Smiley Happy 


I appreciate the advice about changing psychologists! Smiley Happy Unfortunately I don't have much of a choice about the program I'm doing now as it's the only community program that would accept me (apparently I'm too 'complicated' for youth mental health places and a lot of adult mental health places) and as well, because it's a government community MH centre, if I refuse to do it I risk being hospitalised/placed on a CTO/being labelled non compliant (which would really affect the help I would get if I presented to any hospital again later). I can't afford private help atm. 


I can't really plan anything for this week because my carer stuff + my OCD won't let me leave the house except for essentials so idk. 

Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

Hey @DruidChild.
How are you doing lately?
I haven’t seen anything from you in a while. Smiley Happy

// Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m Possible” //

Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

@DruidChild yes, my little cat is feeling much better, he seems a lot happier now that those teeth are out. 


It sucks that you're considered too "complicated"..

If it's a government organisation, it's very possible that you're in another branch of the same program I was with....

I was discharged because they got sick of me not making any progress, and made up some crap about me having mostly recovered.

But I think that it's possible to ask for a change of therapist there. No idea how it works in other govt. organisations though...


Private counselling can be so expensive..

I've heard that phone/ text/ video chat counselling can be a lot cheaper, might that be an option?


The idea of being placed on a CTO or involuntarily hospitalized can be really frightening..

It's the reason I didn't just leave the place I used to go to, even though they were harming me more than anything...

I ended up just trying to bring the focus onto the most tolerable part of the session, and trying to organize other help in the meantime.


One other option is to get treatment at another organisation as well, for only one issue.

For example, you could go to Headspace and say that you want help managing OCD. You'd say that you have other mental health issues, but you wouldn't say what they are.

It means that even if that organization can't address all of the problems you're having, it might be able to give you some ideas on how to address one of them, and often any progress is better than none. 


Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

hey @DruidChild
just wondering how your going?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Nothing’s working (tw)

Hiya, thanks for checking in over the last couple of months @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @Tiny_leaf @scared01 Heart Apologies for going AWOL and I hope everyone's doing okay. I'm probably not going to be around on here much any time soon because of dealing with stuff and trying to create better internet boundaries for myself, but just wanted to drop in and say I'm still alive!!! Take care Smiley Very Happy