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Re: OCD is a b*tch

Thank you @DruidChild Smiley Very Happy My main obsession is the moment is about OCD itself - I have dealt with so many obsessions that now my greatest fear is not being able to break free of OCD and not being able to tell when I am doing compulsions. It's agonising at times, not to mention incredibly confusing. I have had a few other things going on as well , so depression has now been thrown into the mix, which is not something I have dealt with long-term before. Uni has still been a good distraction, but I'm finding it harder and harder to get there. But that's okay, you do what you can. I try not to distract myself too much, I'm working on just sitting in the discomfort and immersing myself in it as I find that works better for me. 


I'm sorry that your depression is playing up and that other things are adding stress. What have you been doing to keep yourself going at the moment? It can be so hard sometimes. 

Re: OCD is a b*tch

Thanks everyone! <3

Good luck with your new meds @queenP, I hope they take the edge off at least! I'm going to have to find a psychiatrist soon myself: my meds have worked super well for both my OCD/depression for about three years but unfortunately it's just stopped being as effective as before. I'm honestly super scared because I remember feeling really bad during the weeks I was getting used to the meds and I'm scared about side effects... but I suppose that is just the OCD talking at the moment. 

Also, thanks for recommending 'Turtles All the Way Down'! I haven't read it yet but I'm hoping to -- I've heard John Green deals with OCD himself so I imagine it'd be a good portrayal. I'm always looking for more pieces of media that accurately depict OCD. It's sad and frustrating that it's not often talked about or portrayed accurately, but it's for this reason that I get motivated and excited to work within the mental health field one day.

@DruidChild ah, I can definitely relate to that. Uni is a tough time. I don't know if I've mentioned it in this thread yet, but I recently had to take a semester off uni because I was starting to become really unhealthy trying to balance my OCD/depression and assignments. Hang in there! <3 

Re: OCD is a b*tch

Hey @Hozzles, thanks for sharing and updating us all. Your experience is very valuable and insightful. Do you know how you might go about finding a psychiatrist? I think it is normal to feel anxious or worried about changing medication, although there are benefits that also come from this change too.

What have you been up to now that you have the semester off uni? How did you manage throughout that time? Heart

Re: OCD is a b*tch

@queenP it seems we posted at the same time and I didn't see your post! I totally relate to OCD being the obsession itself, right now I feel like one of my most predominant obsession is that I don't actually have OCD and I'm just making up my symptoms. Super annoying. Again, hang in there! 

@Taylor-RO - I have an appointment with my GP soon so I'll ask for a referral then. I'd like to ask for someone that specialises in OCD/anxiety, as I feel like my past psychologists were more experienced/ focused in other areas and I feel like I'm at a point that I just really need to tackle this head-on.

In the meantime, since taking uni off I've mostly been throwing myself into volunteering (here + at my local Headspace) and taking little steps towards self improvement (like trying to eat well, working out and just trying to get out of the house in general). Some days are worse than others and I still have a long way to go, but I'm getting there. Hopefully I'll be seeing a psychiatrist before the next trimester starts.

Re: OCD is a b*tch

@queenP that sounds like a distressing thing to be going through, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with depression on top of it as well, that’s a lot to cope with Heart I’m glad uni is still helpful, I wondered if you’re linked in with your uni’s disability people? Mine really helped me to get accomodations like special consideration for missed classes and extensions for assignments so if you’re struggling it could be worth finding out about! 


It can be hard...atm I’m trying to sit with my wise mind and think about what the ‘wisest’ thing to do is in a situation, especially when I have strong urges to do harmful or impulsive things. 


@Hozzles Good luck with your psychiatrist! I really hope that some new meds work out for you Heart



Re: OCD is a b*tch

@queenP Hey, i haven't been on RO  for a while, i have actually been feeling alright lately. I finished my six week therapy with headspace and since then i'd like to say i have been coping okay. I definitely still have bad days, and still feel weird and shitty a lot but its not as profoundly intense as it use to be. At the moment tho my obsessional thoughts seemed to have taken claim to the idea of fearing suicide. i think its because suicidal thoughts are something i have battled with alot in the past years and i think now that im finally feeling a bit better im starting to fear that i might relapse and get bad again. i just feel like im seeing the world as though its a place i could live in and love life and now im afraid that this feeling of ambition and hope will be taken away. Anyway, i will hopefully overcome this soon although im struggling a the moment. 


Also I love that this thread has reached so many people now, i hope it has extended some support, keep strong, you are more than your mental health.


Re: OCD is a b*tch

@DruidChild I have an Academic Plan with my uni's disability team, and OMG it has been the best thing this semester. It gives me an additional week for all written assignments, which has taken so much pressure off in the past few weeks. I feel like I can breathe, and that university can sometimes take the backseat when I need to prioritise my mental health. I'm glad it's working out for you too! 


@indieinsanus I'm glad your experience with headspace has been pretty positive and that you're coping okay! I have been there with obsessional thoughts about suicide and I can agree, it's mighty scary. I know that nothing I can say will take away that fear and discomfort, but know that you are strong enough to get through this. As you said, life is good, and you deserve to live it freely and I truly believe that you can. Keep taking things day by day and eventually, you won't even notice your more distressing thoughts anymore. Stay strong, I'll be thinking of you xx

Re: OCD is a b*tch

@queenP My thoughts are doing this weird thing were they kinda fluctuate and change and ruminate. Its like a mess in my head of just weird and disturbing sh$t right now. argh, its so frustrating. I recently watched a movie that had like some murderer in it and now my thoughts have jumped back on the morality train. Im trying to just let the thoughts and feelings come and go as they will, but its hard not to respond to them. 

Anyway its holidays now which is great. But im already kinda bored haha. Im planning on trying to reconnect with nature and go outside at night to look at the stars more often in these next couple of weeks. Also its easter soon which means lots of chocolate , yum. 

@DruidChild @Hozzles Hope everyone is going well. 

Re: OCD is a b*tch

Hey @indieinsanus, that sounds tough to manage. Your plan to get out in nature sounds great. Have you got any other plans for the holidays? It can be hard to keep busy at times. It sounds like you have some helpful strategies for these thoughts already. Is there anything else you learned from your therapy with Headspace that might help you through these fluctuating thoughts? Smiley Happy

Re: OCD is a b*tch

@Taylor-RO I think i am just going to try and remember they are just thoughts and i can live with them, just because i think these things or have these weird feelings does not determine anything about my character. Im just going to try and enjoy my holidays. Smiley Happy