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Post about...... life? WARNING: Graphic Self Harming\Suicide mentioning. (I'll Highlight in red)

I've joined Reach Out because basically I've been self harming pretty badly lately. My moods decreased to so low I've never ever thought I'd never think about 'IT'. 'IT' being something I've heard about being thought of but never took notice until now. (I know who to contact in emergency's & if I need someone to talk to) 

I'm not your usual girl. I'm the one whose hair is half shaved off, the one who listens to music that reaches out to her in messages & waves & emotions, the one who doesn't listen to the new hottest trends; who wears her converses & Doc Martins around, the one who always had trouble with ONE word. The word everyone does easily somehow that she can never do. Socialization. Socialization has always been a major issue for me. I have been to multiple high schools & been outcasted or bullied because of who I am. Or what they say, WHAT I am. And now I think; What I Have. (Not now.) 

     But you see, I don't care what they call me. Call me fat, call me an Emo, call me what you want. Its who I am & I can't help it. Nor will I change it. Its the fact right now, this moment I realized the only two people I have are my two family members who I live with. No one else. I know its better than some people but its not fair that I see friends out in public or in my newsfeed & realizing I have none. No one likes who I am because I'm Me? What is this bull s***? 

        I've been to social groups & stuff but as I said, my social skills aren't the best. If I was at a party, I wouldn't be dancing or talking to anyone, I'd be befriending their dog or cat instead. I know the day will come someone will try to befriend me & I'll stand there completely still wondering how this even happened. 

              I mentioned before about self harming. I think you get one reason why I am now. Look I'll be fine. I'm just some stupid f***wit of a b**** whose only looking for attention. Don't worry. 

Re: Post about...... life? WARNING: Graphic Self Harming\Suicide mentioning. (I'll Highlight in red)

Hey @RubyTuesday19
I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad day. Is there anyone you can talk at the moment? Any of the services?
I think it's great that you have different tastes and challenge norms (shaving hair half off, as an example.)

Ah, that magic word, socialisation. It is definitely a difficult concept for some people to understand. Bullying is also a major issue, but I think it's awesome that you don't care what people call you. You are who you are and it's not something that needs changing.

There is this one girl in our exchange group who, during our trip, became really 'cuddly'(I don't really know how to describe it) but she seemed to really focus her attention on me. Which I was completely flabbergasted by. But I hope that we do become friends, which is why she was very forward with me.

Have you checked out the factsheets about communication on the website? Have they been of any help?

You're not stupid for having trouble with socialisation. And looking for attention isn't bad either.

Re: Post about...... life? WARNING: Graphic Self Harming\Suicide mentioning. (I'll Highlight in red)

Hey @RubyTuesday19,

 

That sucks to hear. Like @N1ghtW1ng said, there's nothing wrong with finding some things difficult. It's great that you know who to contact if things aren't going so well - have you spoken to your family or any support services about what you're going through? Also I have to ask: does the "it" in your post refer to suicide? If you're having thoughts of suicide it's really important that you talk to someone ASAP about how you're feeling and work out how to keep yourself safe.

 

High school can be really tricky to navigate but it's important to realise that very soon these people won't be in your life and eventually you will find people who'll accept you for who you are. I know that since starting university people have become much more accepting of my quirks, so as hard as it is try and stay true to yourself like you've already been doing Smiley Happy

 

Do you have any strategies which help when you feel the urge to self-harm? There's a few factsheets and stories written by young people who've self-harmed here which you might want to take a look at.

 

I hope things get better for you soon. Stay strong Smiley Happy

______________________________________________________
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: Post about...... life? WARNING: Graphic Self Harming\Suicide mentioning. (I'll Highlight in red)

Hey @RubyTuesday19, welcome to RO! It does sound like you've been going through some tough times at school, although it is great that you have someone to talk to. If you do want information about how to find specific support services, let us know and we can help you out Smiley Happy

Socialising definitely isn't easy, especially in high school where people can be particularly judgemental. It's amazing that in the face of that, you still keep your head up and are proud of who you are. That being said, you don't particularly have to stay isolated on these forums! Check out our September introductions thread!

Like @lokifish said, we do have resources on social skills, if you would like to look at them here. And don't feel bad about talking about the tough times you've been through. Everyone deserves a chance to open up about their darkest times, and it is not the same as attention seeking.

 

Hope to see you around the forums Smiley Happy

Re: Post about...... life? WARNING: Graphic Self Harming\Suicide mentioning. (I'll Highlight in red)

Hey @RubyTuesday19 - you sound very sure of who you are and I love that you said you won't change because of anyone's opinion. Hell yes to shaving your head and listening to powerful music and wearing Docs! Sounds pretty damn cool to me.

Like the others have said, social skills are something you can work on if you want to. Making friends doesn't come easily to a lot of people, but it's sort of like a muscle - the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

 

Have you ever spoken to anyone about the self harm and what triggers the compulsion to do it? We have some self help techniques for staying safe, and speaking to a counsellor can really help too.

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Re: Post about...... life? WARNING: Graphic Self Harming\Suicide mentioning. (I'll Highlight in red)

Hey! @RubyTuesday19. You sound like me! I have a under cut, I hardly ever take off my docs and I love death metal and screamo. I'm not your typical girl. I also struggle with self harm. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. You are never alone. Keep smiling!