I did have a chance to read through your post and i really appreciate the support network you are providing me with and helpful advice I may use these networks when i am having a particularly bad day. I understand it is not great to self-diagnose without a professional but from a lot of research i think i have narrowed my search down. However i may be completely incorrect who knows. The thing is, i don't particularly enjoy hearing that it is 'ok' to question and not accept labels and the like, because it generally triggers my symptoms more as in my mind it is not 'ok' for me. I may be criticized for this opinion but i believe it is an opinion that should be equally accepted. I think it is ok to question but i have no desire to be anything other than straight, which fuels the fire of what i am going through, as well as the fact that the thoughts/constant questioning distress me so i really just want to stop questioning at this point. However hard that may be for me at this point, considering my mental well-being
However, i would like to say that today (well, technically yesterday because it is 1:50 in the morning) i had a pretty good day compared to other ones. Of course the thoughts popped up but very rarely throughout the day. So i guess that's a positive I think it is because i am able to express my feelings on this forum and receive feedback and opinions, so i really appreciate all who have contributed to this page to help not only myself, but others who are going through the same kind of thing, professionally diagnosed or not.
I will try and give updates on how i am going when i can, and maybe try some of the websites and helplines suggested
Hi @comerfordius! I just moved your post to start a new thread in an area of the forum that might be a bit more appropriate, and so that you might get some more support from other users.
I've also renamed the thread as I believe it relates more questioning sexuality. As @gina-RO mentioned here, HOCD isn't a DSM supported diagnosis, and the forums are more about supporting experiences and not about discussing/debating medical advice as you can see here in our Community Guidelines.
Of course we still want you to get all the support and help you going through this tough time, working out our sexuality, who we are attracted to, and how we feel is a really is always going to be a big part of everyone's lives. It's important to remember that everyone is important, and your sexuality, gender or anything else that makes you you, shouldn't be put down or discouraged.
Hope you find the forums helpful, and I really glad to hear that you're open to having a look at a couple of the articles and helplines we linked you too
Hi@comerfordius, it's nice meeting you! I've read through this thread and your previous one regarding HOCD [link for continuity's sake], and I can barely imagine the strain you're under -- it's like you've been placed under siege by your own mind! Being stuck alone with your thoughts can be so tiring sometimes... I think sharing how you feel was a fantastic step to take. You've endured this amazingly so far; I really hope you'll find peace and clarity soon! :hugs:
It IS okay to feel distressed about all this. It'salways distressing to be identified as something you're not, like a guy when you're a girl, or a lazy when you're a hard-worker. If you're straight, then feeling distressed about these thoughts would make sense.
If these are becoming intrusive thoughts, keep remembering that they areintrusive. Because they're in your head, it might look like these ideas are yours. They are not. You've said things like "i have no desire to be anything other than straight", which shows that this identity doesn't 'feel right' to you -- so it's probably not yours.
Eitherway, maybe you'll find it reassuring to think about the "what ifs" if you so happen to not be straight? This might help put things into a new perspective!
So what if you're gay? Well, this probably isn't the case. You definitely seem to be into guys -- you said you've had a crush on a guy for 7 months (that's a hella long time!!), as well as crushes on celebrities. I think you also said that you've been in a relationship with a guy for a while. This means you're either straight or somewhere in the middle, right?
What if you're somewhere in-between? Okay, maybe you do find girls a little attractive on the odd occasion. But remember: you still find guys predominantly attractive. If you don't want to entertain the idea of being in a relationship with a girl, then you don't have to! If you only want relationships with guys, then by all intents and purposes, I'd say this would make you straight even despite.
Sexuality is far more complex than this of course, but sometimes going simple can help give us clarity if we start overthinking or feeling overwhelmed (at least for me!). Anyway, it does seem that how you act on your thoughts is completely up to you. That means that you're in much more control than it might appear at first. What do you think?
I hope this wasn't too big a read and that you found something helpful! You've been doing really well comerfordius, keep at it.