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Rant about Intervention Order breaches

I really think the system is for protected persons who want to report breaches of intervention orders needs to made simpler.
 
Like to report any breach of the conditions, you have to go into the police station with any evidence (eg. screenshots of messages) and the whole process takes hours.
It is inconvenient for anyone, but especially if you have no transport, have kids or work etc
 
My ex has been sending me emails quite regularly which I have been ignoring.. until this morning *facepalm*. So pretty much it turned into him doing his usual put down, blaming etc. And this is all a breach of the intervention order. And I have wanted to report it and many other similar occassions of the same thing...but to be honest, it all just seems like such hard work that I'd actually rather just deal with it.

So my main point that I wanted to rant about is that the current system for "protected" persons doing the right thing and reporting abusive behaviour to hold perpetrators accountable - most likely doesn't happen until the perpetrator does something *really bad*

Re: Rant about Intervention Order breaches

 

Re: Rant about Intervention Order breaches

Hey @dncinginthedirt, thanks for sharing your experience with this. This sounds really distressing and frustrating and I can understand why you feel like it's too difficult to report the breaches. In an ideal system it should be a really simple and easy process to do this Smiley Sad Sorry if you've talked about this in another thread but would it be an option to change your email address?

I'm sure you're doing this already but please try to keep a record of the breaches so that you can use them in the future if need be. Are you feeling safe?

Re: Rant about Intervention Order breaches

Hi @May_ no I haven't spoken about this before on the forums.

Yes I feel safe.

The last time I saw him in person was the day my friend passed away and he rushed over after he finished work to "support" me. He could not have been a worse "support" and actually made me feel worse. He was getting snippy at me and I said to him "Why did you even come?" and then he just got so enraged that he stormed out of my house. But the worst part of it was was that my son started chasing him down the hallway crying cos he could see him leaving. And this is just one example of several times when he has suddenly walked in and out of our lives with promises for change. 

But this time I could see the hurt and confusion my son is experiencing from this toxic dynamic. Like he's starting to have anxiety around him even if he just leaves the room for a sec cos he thinks that it could be him walking out.

So that combined with my absolute disgust in how he approached the situation in my moment of absolute heartbreak and raw grief has really set in stone I feel that I just can't keep this cycle going.

And because I have not allowed him to see my son or I since or contacted him, he has been sending me "poor me" messages and if I dare respond with an explanation of my choice, he blasts me with abuse calling me every name under the sun. Says I'm not a good mother for "denying" their relationship, etc. When actually what I'm doing is protecting my son from constant uncertainty and instability in their relationship. That stuff affects development sooooo much in these early years. AND children identify most with the parent/parental figure of the same gender. And I don't want my son learning to disrespect me and learn his unhealthy emotional reactions. 

Re: Rant about Intervention Order breaches

@dncinginthedirt  what an awful situation  - I'm so sorry to hear all of this is going on for you. 
It sounds like you've taken a really brave step in taking out the intervention order against your ex. 

 

As @May_  it's a good idea to keep a record of everything that happens, and even if it doesn't seem like it will result in anything, make sure to report each and every breach to the police so that they have it on record close to the time the incidents happened. 

 

What other supports do you have around this? We have a list of services by state that might be helpful for you to look at. I can only imagine how difficult this situation is to navigate for you and your son, and hope that have a support network to help you Heart

 

 

_____________________________________________
I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here

Re: Rant about Intervention Order breaches

Glad to hear that you feel safe. Would like to second what @gina-RO has said - it was really brave of you to take out the intervention order and to put your safety first <3

Re: Rant about Intervention Order breaches

Hi @dncinginthedirt how are you feeling today? It sounds like a really bad, hard situation for you and your son. I haven't been in that situation myself and feel so bad for you. I wish there was a better way of monitoring people who are under intervention orders and alerting you and the police when there is a breach.

What you decide to do is completely up to you. I think it would be a good idea to keep a document with a timeline of the abusive messages and other interactions. You are the most important person in your son's life and you need each other's love and support during this time. I think it would be a good idea to keep an eye out and continue being there for him in case his anxiety and emotions start to affect other situations. You sound like a great parent and a good role model for himSmiley Happy

Re: Rant about Intervention Order breaches

How have you been lately @dncinginthedirt