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Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

@Tiny_leaf how are you going after last night?

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

@Bananatime04 a lot better, thank you. My friend was able to help me a lot, and we spent the next while talking about a story idea she has, which was good.

How about you, did you get any further with your assignment? 

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

That’s good @Tiny_leaf! I’m happy your feeling better
I did finish my assignment last night and it wasn’t that bad.. I was up pretty late tho but I got it done and submitted! I also had a maths test and a science test today. My best subjects so that wasn’t too bad.
What have you been doing today?

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

Currently crying and feeling useless..
I waited in the queue for like an hour for my counsellor and I got a drink then i missed the counsellor that was there then I got on again and checked Snapchat quickly and it took me out of the queue 😭 now the queue is full!!!! I need this so bad and I haven’t talked to her in so long! I really need her rn
I really feel so worthless atm and I just feel like I’d be better off dead

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

Hey @Bananatime04, do you want me to turn off commenting on the other thread? I think it may get confusing with the two threads otherwise. That really sucks.. it is an easy mistake to make though. For next time, could you join the queue or a different device so you can do more than one thing at once? Hopefully it won't take much longer to get back into the queue.. unless you'd prefer to contact another service instead? Have you thought about having more than one service to go to in case one is busy? Are you safe right now? Heart

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

@Bananatime04 I'm so sorry that happened...

We all really care about you. You're not worthless to me or to lots of other people here. 

Having more than one service like @Taylor-RO suggested might help, I could help you find a couple more if you want.

Another thing, I know that KHL has email counselling, one of my friends used it for a while. The responses are a lot slower, but you don't need to wait in a queue to ask for help, or be online for when someone gets back to you.

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

I’m sorry @Taylor-RO I couldn’t reply to you because I wasn’t feeling safe but I was scared to say it because I didn’t know what you’d do.. sorry @Tiny_leaf and @Taylor-RO
I do have other supports like beyond blue and lifeline if I need them but it’s my regular counsellor that I wanted to talk to last night.. I was just a bit distressed after what happened because I waited in the queue for a further 2 hours after you posted just to find out she finished 20 minutes ago. That was heartbreaking. Legit I felt like I was really to give up but my friend helped me stay strong

I can’t get another counsellor on kids helpline because mine doesn’t work on emails. She’s just on web and phones and I’ve became way to attached to her and have build a relationship that I’m so scared to lose. I trust her more than I’ve ever trusted anyone so I can’t just stop talking to her and find someone else
Thank you though

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

@Bananatime04 that sounds awful... 

I don't know for sure, so it might be best to check, but I think you can do both email and webchat with different people.

Also, you don't have to stop talking to her to be able to speak to someone else. One thing you can do is start to build up a similar relationship with another counselor on Beyond Blue or something. Your current counselor will still be the first one you try to contact, but if she's not there then you've at least got a backup until you get to speak to her again.

 

Do you think we could talk a bit more about safety plans?

I honestly need to go over mine, since it's a bit out of date and I've had a medication change recently.. but it does mean that you have the chance to go through the planning with someone else, and I can give a few suggestions if you're stuck on anything. 

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

I don’t really want another regular support.. and beyondblue isn’t able to give you the same person anyway.
I think I’m just better off alone. I don’t deserve any of you Smiley Sad
Can we do the safety plan tonight? I’m kinda doing something atm. Nothing bad I’m totally safe I’m just busy so I’ll take a long time to reply

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

@Bananatime04 well I think you deserve support. If you don't want to use beyond blue then that's fair enough though.

And yeah, I just found out I'll be going to the movies with my family tonight really soon..

But afterwards I'll be free and we can look at it.