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Relationship Break Up making me feel alone & worthless

I just caught my longterm boyfriend- talking to his ex mistress (girl he cheated on his previous girlfriend with  years before) on secret social media accounts he hid from me. One subject they were talking about was breaking up with me. And I found out he'd spent a night with her. When I confronted him he denied and lied about the messages constantly, until the next day. He finally told me he doesn't love me anymore, hasn't for a while and he doesn't want to be with me anymore. 

I feel so used and pathetic. Like all this time I've been living a lie. I feel like I'm unworthy of being truly loved by anyone ever. I've only ever been used my whole life and this proves it to me.

How do I move on from this?

Ive never felt pain or been heartbroken like this before, I don't feel anything now, I've gone emotionally numb. I just feel hatred for him. I want him to feel the pain he caused me :'(.

How can I see the sunshine through all this fucked up rain in my life :'( 

Re: Relationship Break Up making me feel alone & worthless

Hey @SuchIsLife 

 

I'm so sorry to hear all this has happened! That sounds like an absolutely terrible thing to go through, and no one deserves to be treated like that. I think it's completely understandable that you feel used and that you've been living a lie. Smiley Sad I completely believe that you are worthy of love, just as everyone else is. 

 

I'm wondering if you have any friends or family to support you right now?

 

 

 

 

Re: Relationship Break Up making me feel alone & worthless

Not really no.. my family live overseas and I don't really have any friends to lean on. My partner was my bestfriend and his family were like family to me, but now I'm all alone..

Re: Relationship Break Up making me feel alone & worthless

Hey @SuchIsLife

 

Geez that sounds like a really tough thing to go through. Thanks for sharing it with us - that was really brave of you. 

 

I can imagine how hurt you're feeling. It must have been so hard to read the conversations - you would have been in complete shock! It is never nice to feel cheated or rejected. Unfortunately all humans probably experience these feelings at some point in their life, especially the latter. That doesn't lessen the hurt that they cause though and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It must be particularly hard considering he/his family were your main support network. I'd highly encourage you to call some helplines. There are many available. We have a few listed here - Kids HelpLine  is probably the best of the three for you to call if you're feeling safe. I'd imagine that you're thinking about everything over and over, and the anger and hurt is building up and up and up. I think calling a helpline would be particularly beneficial in the sense that they can help you employ some coping strategies to help you relax, talk through some of your feelings, and provide you with some self-care/ distraction ideas. 

 

It might be a good idea to reach out to some family or friends, even if they are overseas. Talking to someone you trust usually helps. Heart

 

I just wanted to point out that I agree with @JanaG. You definitely deserve to be loved, and don't let his treatment towards you make you feel otherwise. I think it says more about him than it does about you, especially because he's done it in the past. You're not the problem here, and you deserve someone who is honest with you. It's really important for you to tell yourself that, and even more important for you to believe it. I know it's easier said than done though. 

 

What are some things you can do to make yourself feel better tonight? 

Re: Relationship Break Up making me feel alone & worthless

Hi @SuchIsLife! Welcome to the forums!

That situation must be so heartbreaking. Being cheated on can be so devastating. What he said must have also really hurt. Smiley Sad

I think you deserve to feel loved and supported. Your boyfriend's actions were his own. I agree with @Maddy-RO that what he did has nothing to do with you, and says more about him than you. Even if he had fallen out of love with you, that doesn't excuse his actions. I think it's normal to experience the kinds of feelings you describe when faced with a major betrayal like this. Heart

Has anything helped you feel better?
We have an article that provides some suggestions about how to cope after you've been cheated on and another one about coping with a breakup if you need any ideas. There is also an app called Breakup Shakeup that can provide some other suggestions.