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Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

Ok. So I've never really had a relationship with anyone and I don't know what to do with this situation. I've been seeing a guy, and I've started to get feelings for him... and I know he likes me too- you know? Anyways, his Muslim and his family 'supposedly' won't let him be with anyone other than who they choose- like an arranged marriage, except he gets to chose the place where his partner will be from. He keeps saying we could never be a thing because of his religion, even though he wants too. Yet, his religion says not to do anything with a female before marriage and we've done plenty. I'm not sure if he's just using me for sex, or he's actually interested. I'm confused. This is like the first person I've ever felt something for. Maybe it's love? What do I do?
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Don't wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect!

Re: Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

Hey there @MJG

 

This is definitely tricky business, both for you and your partner - according to what he's saying about the parental and religious expectations he's dealing with, you would be right in saying that you both have already gone against them. It seems like he's worried about respecting his family and his religion, and it seems like you care about that too, since you care for him and are already considering what the possible consequences of your relationship with him could be, which is really great! Dating is hard enough, but dealing with family and religious expectations can complicate it even more, and the fact that you're being so sensitive to that is wonderful.

 

From here, it seems like it might be a good idea to start talking about what this relationship means to you both going forward, and also figuring out what he actually sees you as. If you're suspicious that he might just be using you for sex, the best thing would be to just be honest about your concerns with him. That could also be a starting point to figure out how this relationship will work in relation to his family and religion going forward. Talking about how you both feel about each other and how to manage those external expectations can also help you both to know how to support each other.

 

What do yout think?

Re: Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

@safari93 thanks for the advice. It's just been so hard because he won't talk about it, no matter how hard I try, like he wants to avoid it. This just makes me feel a bit worse and like stuck. Aggghh
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Don't wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect!

Re: Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

@MJG

 

Hope its going okay for you.

 

From my experience, if there are already difficulties at the start of a relationship then typically it probably won't last very long. I recommend that you give this relationship a bit more thought. Maybe you will be happier to be in a different one or even just being single. 

 

Take care.

Re: Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

Thanks @witheverylight maybe I should just give it up. I thought about doing that a long time ago, but he's given me light in some of my darkest days. I just don't want to end up in that situation again, and I can already feel the storm coming, I just don't want to be alone with it this time. (Literally crying on a bus over this and emotions in general. I don't want to be around anymore-
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Don't wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect!

Re: Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

@MJG

 

If the reason to remain with him is so you have company and support then I dont think its a good reason. I believe reasons to be with someone should be that you enjoy each other's company, you both of similar ideologies/believes and support each other.

 

I too know how hard it is to see the dark stormahead and the fear of being in it. But know that you can get the same support from friends, family and your health professionals. It sounds like you can start working on developing a strong support system.

 

Take care.

Re: Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

@witheverylight that wasn't the only reason I was with him, just one I thought I'd bring up. The whole thing doesn't matter now anyways- things have ended. Thanks for the advice though
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Don't wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect!

Re: Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

@MJG I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. Break ups are awful, and it sounds like you really cared about this guy very deeply.

 

I'm worried about how you're feeling tonight and about your safety. When you say you don't want to be around anymore, are you talking about suicide?

Re: Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

It's been a thought, but not uncommon for me. Thanks @Kaz-RO
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Don't wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect!

Re: Relationship problems- heeeellllpppp me

@MJG that's a big, scary thought to be having. How are you feeling about it?

 

Do you have any kind of plan to end your life?