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Running out of time!

K...

I have been bullied for 9 years. I don't get bullied anymore because I moved interstate.

Since I moved I have been attempting suicide a lot. In August 2012, I almost died and I had to stay in hospital for 3 weeks. I haven't made another attempt since... But I still think about commiting suicide a lot.

I also self harm... But I haven't self harmed for a month or two now. A lot of the time I have the urge to self harm but I don't want to do it because I don't want to go through the trouble of trying to hide it....

I currently struggle with my eating. I have an undiagnosed eating disorder. I starve myself on and off and when ever I eat something that has too much calories I feel really bad about it and have to urge to self harm, exercise or purge. I mainly purge. I pure at least once a week.

I don't want to purge anymore because its starting to ruin my teeth.

For a few weeks now I have been feeling faint/dizzy nearly everyday! I'm sick of it.

My psychologist wants me to get a dietition so my mum is trying to get me one.

I am so sick and tired of my depression and eating disorder. If I don't get to see a dietition and the dentist I'm going to kill myself. 

Honsetly. I'm considering it right now. I'm just think about when is the right time to do it.

 

By the way, I am safe tonight and tomorrow and on monday I have an appointment to see the school counsellor. So please please please don't think that I'm at risk of hurting myself dramaticly and call the police on me.....

I'M SAFE!!!!

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Re: Running out of time!

I like how no one is bothering to help me out.... -.-

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Re: Running out of time!

Hello Becky,

 

It is good that you aren't being bullied anymore, bullying is such a terrible thing. It is also a good thing that you haven't self-harmed. I can tell you are a very strong person. ReachOut has some factsheets on Eating Disorders that might help. 

Just remember, don't stop believing in yourself and others. Things will change. 

 

Ah, I just read that message. Sorry this took so long. I was searching for a link Smiley Happy The link is a message written by Sofia titled There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. It is very inspiring

 

Also, sorry it took so long to write this message. You're not alone, you're never alone. 

 

N1ghtW1ng

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Re: Running out of time!

Hey Becky

 

Sorry about the hold up! It sounds like you're really working through something difficult there but what I most admire about your post is your personal strength and your self awareness. You're aware of the issues you're facing, you know what has to be done to stop the problems you're facing and you know that suicide and self harm aren't the solutions.

You also know that 'knowing' is only half the battle.

 

In terms of suicide, definitely give the Suicide Call Back Service a bell on 1300 659 467. They can help immensely, they're there 24/7 and this way you don't have to wait until Monday to speak to someone.

Have you made a safe plan just to be sure? This article we have goes into some good detail about what's involved in making a safe plan.

 

It sounds like you're pretty lucky in that your mum is being supportive and helping you where it's necessary. A dietitian will hopefully help you change how you think about food, too, which can help.

 

If you haven't checked out N1ghtW1ng's links yet, they're totally worth exploring too.

 

Hope your night is progressing positively! Smiley Happy

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Re: Running out of time!

Hi Becky,

 

I'm so sorry to hear that things are really tough for you at the moment. It sounds like you've been through a lot. I can imagine it must feel as though it's all too much sometimes and it must be very overwhelming for you. I think it's amazing that, in the midst of your pain, you found the strength to come onto Reach Out to ask for support. It also sounds as though, even when things great really, really hard, you still find the strength to ask for help, whether it be from your mum or your psychologist. That's so awesome. It means that through all your pain you've become really resilient and that even when things are at their darkest, you're still able to see a glimmer of hope. 

The dietician sounds like a great idea. Did your psychologist mention The Butterfly Foundation? There may be some support there for you and your mum.

I'm glad your safe and I hope the weekend has been ok for you. Let us know how you go.