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Self inflicted loneliness

Hi, I'm 24 and have been coping with depression and anxiety for over half my life.

A couple of years ago I hit rock bottom again and decided to cut out all social aspects of my life, so that I'd have less stuff to be anxious about. It worked well for a while but recently I've been feeling more and more alone. Although I have a really supportive family, I no longer have any friends.

I'm afraid I'm slipping back into deep depression and don't know what to do. I hate admitting it, but I can't cope on my own. I

need someone else in my life.

Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.

 

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Re: Self inflicted loneliness

Hi @Kalliades

 

Welcome to RO.com.

 

I could relate to the time when I withdraw from all my contacts when life is hard. I thought I don't deserve the company of other people. So I get what you mean when you decided to cut off your social life.

It is great you have a supportive family. Could you talk to them about what's troubling you during this tough time? There are other people out there who you could talk to. Have you tried a psychologist or a psychiatrist before? They could be referred by your local GP.

 

When I am down and wanted someone there, I would call a helpline. Usually Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800). It is great you are sharing your story here, because RO forums could help you connect with other young people who is going through similar experiences.

Another thing I would recommend is try some distraction strategies. Could start by introducing your self with 5 random things about you. Then have a read of what other people did to look after themselves when life got stressful (Self care)

 

See how you go.

 

Doris

Re: Self inflicted loneliness

Hey Kalliades,

Have you tried looking for support groups at all? Something like Grow, were a small group of people that are going through tough times meet up once a week. It could be a good way to ease back into meeting people outside of your family. 

Plus they'll know what you're going through, and may have advice that could help Smiley Happy

 

Re: Self inflicted loneliness

Hi and welcome!

 

I really can understand what you say about being lonely. I had some friends which weren't really any good for me, and I decided I was better off alone. I moved back to the country to be closer to my parents and that was a nightmare!

 

I realised I had to make better friends, or get closer to the better friends I already had.

 

I moved back to the city, and just dived in. I messaged people, and rang people, and most of the time, I didn't get a reply, or get through.

 

One of the things I did was join a meetup.com group. They have all sorts of different groups for different interests, and there is no pressure. I found people to be very accommodating. Another great way to meet people, is to join a sports team, even if it is only a social tournament, and a lower grade than amateur sports. There's no pressure to participate, and you can stay behind, or get there early.

 

The other thing I did was to get closer to the people I knew already. I put in more effort, and it really made a huge difference. I didn't judge them when they were busy and cancelled, and I just tried again to meet the next week.

 

I'm a lot happier now, and even find myself canceling dates with friends, so I can spend time on my own.

 

Its truly up to your own devices, to solve, if you are feeling lonely. You have to make an effort, to be rewarded with friendship.

Re: Self inflicted loneliness

Thanks for the suggestions guys, i'm currently looking into different support groups.

 

One of the things that scares me the most is what if I did get into a relationship? Chances are sooner or later i'll get depressed again so is it fair of me to put another person through the pain I put my family through? 

I believe that being in a relationship means always being there for your partner. When I get depressed, i'm not there for anyone.

 

Re: Self inflicted loneliness

All I can go off is personal experience, but in my case, my boyfriend actually helps quite a lot. I guess what you have to do is find someone that's prepared to stay with you though the good and bad times. Or maybe just wait until you feel like you've got a hang on your health first. 

 

Re: Self inflicted loneliness

hey @Kalliades ,

 

I think it's really natural for everyone to worry and wonder what things they might bring into their first or next relationship. Best advice I ever got was just to wait until I got there.

Also, If you keep working on your personal development, the way you are, don't forget you'll also be bringing a wealth of wisdom and compassion too. 

Re: Self inflicted loneliness

Thanks for the post, Kalliades. I can empathise with how you're feeling. I'd always wanted to be different. I'd almost convinced myself I was, so I'm bound to have convinced others. On reflection, then, if I was ever perceived differently, it's probably an outcome of my own creation and making. But we're not much different from each other. I remember seeing a doco about Aboriginal actor David Gulpilil some years ago. You might have seen him in one - maybe more - of however many of the Crocodile Dundee movies that were made?! He says in this doco that, in the end, we're all 'one red blood.' The differences that exist between us are only skin deep, superficial. I wanted to convey the impression that I was so different from everybody else. As such, I was treated differently. But it started with me, just as your feelings of loneliness started, as you yourself recognise, with you. I say this not to chastise or to condemn, but to empower. You have some control in this, Kalliades! If you acted to cut social ties years ago, then you can re-establish them now! Get in touch with some of your old friends. You'd be surprised at their capacity for forgiveness and understanding. Alternatively, do things to meet new people. Easier said than done, I know, but it is critical, Kalliades. What are your interests? Sports? Join a local team. Art? Enrol in a course. Music? Learn to play an instrument and set up a band. You can do it!