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Sick of being poor

I'm just really, really tired of the way not having enough money affects my mental health. On their own both things suck, but together they create such a toxic and hopeless hole that I feel stuck in. 

 

The latest financial crisis is that I need a new phone, and that I'll need to expend a huuuge amount of money getting home from practical classes for two weeks, because by the time class ends there'll be no public transport. I literally do not have enough money to pay for these things, so my parents are paying for me, even though they don't have enough money either. 

 

My mouth is is full of cavities because I haven't been to the dentist in six/seven years. All my clothes have holes and tears and stains and the smell of sweat won't get out no matter how many times I wash them. I want to move out so badly but I have no way of earning enough money for a bond and the rent would be too much for me to be eligible for a rental bond loan. I feel guilty and anxious all the time, waiting for the next crisis, the tipping point. 

 

I feel like I've tried everything. I've tried selling things I make or old books and textbooks but no one wants to buy. I tried working last year but that ended in a nervous breakdown and a suicide attempt. I've tried centrelink but they say they can't help me anymore than they already do. I used to have savings from the couple of summers I was able to work, but I spent all of my savings on psychiatrist appointments. 

 

I'm exhausted and I'm done. I want to kill myself so I don't have to deal with the unrelenting fear and exhaustion and hopelessness.

Re: Sick of being poor

Hey @DruidChild I have a lot I want to speak to in that thread, and a lot of support I want to link you into - however I need to check in on your safety. Are you planning on ending your life? Concerned about the last line Heart

Re: Sick of being poor

Hey @Bree-RO. I'm sorry that I don't post here for weeks at a time and then just turn up to whine about stuff and talk about being suicidal Smiley Sad I'm aware it's a sucky pattern. My EF's been crashing lately, as an explanation. 

 

I am safe right now. I tend to have suicidal meltdowns once a day or so but it passes; I'm feeling a bit better now. 

Re: Sick of being poor

Hey @DruidChild Okay thank you and please don't be sorry Smiley Happy Money is quite overwhelming. Writing a post now Heart

Re: Sick of being poor

@DruidChild Money is an interesting topic hey.. And you're right it can be very painful at times, then as you mentioned - you've also had savings, even though you spent it on Psych appointments; that would have been a good experience with money for you no doubt.

 

The key thing to remember with money is it is completely seasonal. In my opinion one of the most impermanent subjects in life. I have seen very wealthy people, family members in fact, go from wealth to poverty in under three years. I have also seen the flip. I have many friends who've come from your position to very well off, one of them is actually living with bipolar. The point is, it's painful yes, but don't get too attached to the pain for now. It's likely with a few shifts in life it won't be this way forever. It sounds like you're doing everything you can for the moment, and it's a very frustrating place to sit huh? 

 

We're here to listen and support you. In case you're not aware there's two services that could be of assistance, one is Anglicare [Click] the other is FCAN [click here]. These organisations are specialised in financial counselling and advice, especially helpful if you're feeling stuck. 

 

Other members what are your thoughts? 

 

@lokifish @T4ils @redhead

Re: Sick of being poor

@DruidChild hugs I don't really know what to say. Maybe get in contact with the organisations Bree mentioned. I know Anglicares helped my friend financially and helped me personally with bond and a few other things.

Is there a way you could get into a public dentist. And are there any welfare organisations in your town that can help with clothes and stuff like that.

I feel for you.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Sick of being poor

Thanks for the advice and links @Bree-RO! One of the mobile community pantries is in the area where I go to uni, so that could be really helpful, especially if I end up being able to move there. 

 

Im sorry about your family's situation; that sounds very tough. Heart

 

Personally I think it's the emotional rather than the actual financial cost of being poor that's the most impactful. I can take care of myself, I'm centrelink savvy and I can survive with very little. But I grew up poor, all of my family and friends are poor, and especially when you're a kid, that kind of anxiety really contributes to a feeling that the world is unsafe, unstable, and hopeless to an extent. And being dependant on others for financial support feels kinda shameful and makes me feel obligated to put up with things I'd otherwise be uncomfortable with.

It's true that one day I could be financially stable, but that anxiety about being evicted or needing things you know you can't afford is never going to go away. Maybe that's less hopeful than what you said, it's just such a pervasive feeling.

 

Thank you @redhead Heart I definitely will. If the pain in my teeth gets really bad then I might be able to get emergency dental care. Thanks 

Re: Sick of being poor

Hey hun, 

i read your blog about being poor. How is your financial situation now? And what city do you live in?

Re: Sick of being poor

Hi @Carebear8088, thank you for checking in. Is this something you struggle with too? If so, feel free to start a thread or check out some of the links posted above! Smiley Happy 

I’m in much the same situation atm, which is frustrating because there’s stuff I need to save money for for next year. It makes me feel really bad about myself tbh. But I have a roof over my head (even if I don’t feel okay about being here) and food to eat and clean water which is a lot more than most people, so I’m doing okay Smiley Happy 

Idk if the guidelines are okay with me saying my city? I’m in nsw though. 

Re: Sick of being poor

hey @DruidChild, just wanted to step in and say i can definitely relate to what you're going through! i have been a working student most of my adult life; i'm job hunting right now but i'm not eligible for centrelink and recently got hit by a big cost, so now i'm budgeting my meds and psych appointments to make rent.

 

being poor is mentally so existing because you are always worrying about how you will make rent, buy food...every decision requires agonising about your money, even over a $3 sandwich or bag of veggies. 

 

other people have given some great suggestions, and i just want to jump in and say that in my state (vic) they have these things called emergency relief services, where people can help you out with stuff like food vouchers and sometimes even bills. i have also gotten some resources from fb groups (like good karma networks, dumpster diving groups) and people's generosity can be really amazing.