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Sorry for not being around lately

I'm sorry for not being around and supporting people lately. I care about all of you, I've just been in a bad place. @scared01 @redhead @N1ghtW1ng @j95 @Pariscat16 and everyone else. 

 

Hugs, I love you all Heart 

 

I just honestly feel like I'm already dead. 

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Re: Sorry for not being around lately

Please don't apologise @DruidChild You are so caring - it's so good you are taking time for you.

 

concerned about that last line - are you safe, want to talk about anything?

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Re: Sorry for not being around lately

Thanks @Bree-RO. I'm safe, I'm cat sitting so I have to be around to feed the cats haha. Just super exhausted and mental health stuff is playing up. 

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Re: Sorry for not being around lately

How are the cats going? @DruidChild 

 

Is there a particular part of the mental health stuff that is most burdensome?

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Re: Sorry for not being around lately

I hope they're okay @Bree-RO. I went over and fed them and played with them earlier and then going over again tomorrow. I'm definitely never having pets of my own haha - I haven't been able to breathe properly for days cos I've been so anxious about them, like what if they choke on kibble and there's no one to help them. It's too far away for me to check on them more than once a day. 

 

Hmm, anxiety stuff around the cats and about a friend, I'm doing my compulsive spending shit which always makes me feel awful and yeah just having a really depressive episode I guess, plus a bit of OCD stuff playing up and just...extreme self loathing. Like I said, I just feel kind of dead. 

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Re: Sorry for not being around lately

Def can be nerve wracking! @DruidChild Cats are soooo self reliant though. You're doing a lovely job by the sounds of it Smiley Happy

 

Super sorry to hear about what you're going through right now. The OCD must be frustrating too. Anything kinda instigated this stuff? i.e. argument, boredom, memory etc?

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Re: Sorry for not being around lately

Thanks @Bree-RO I hope so. 

 

Thanks. OCD is the worst and I don't even think I have it at a clinical level. I would willingly live with my other mental health stuff if I could get rid of the OCD, intrusive thoughts are soooooo horrible. I'm not sure, I've been getting worse for months now really, it's the same pattern that I can't seem to break out of. 

 

I'm just sad and I'm scared and I feel evil and I don't know how to motivate myself to stay alive once I don't have kitties to feed. 

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Re: Sorry for not being around lately

It sounds unsettling enough though, definitely not fun. Just found this forum thread on someone who has gotten on top of the intrusive thoughts, have you seen this before?

 

Are you still seeing a mental health practitioner? I am so glad the kitties are a motivator right now, we all really want you here. Heart

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Re: Sorry for not being around lately

It's so upsetting. Like I don't want to do these things. But maybe I do? And then I have to check or touch the ground or something to prove that it's okay. I'll have a look at the link, thanks!! 

 

Uh huh I saw my counsellor on Thursday and I see her again Tuesday, and my gp on Tuesday. They want to put me on a new medication, but my mum wants me to try doing some regular exercise for a month first and seeing if that helps before I start another medication. 

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Re: Sorry for not being around lately

@DruidChild I hear you. I'm sorry that things are so hard atm.
I used to have minor ocd (though mine was more psychosis related rather than from intrusive thoughts) the article @Bree-RO posted seems really good and it has things in it that helped me with my ocd too.

As bree asked I can't remember if you have a mental health professional or just someone to talk to about how you feel.

I would really miss you if you weren't around. I want you to be safe. If things get really bad could you go to the hospital instead of acting on it.
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Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire