Stealing my dearest friend

[Sofia]

After being through a lot of tough times with self harm and even atempting to let life go over the past years I found that a teddy bear was a great help for me. Trusting no professionals it was the only true friend I found that always was there to listen, hug and dry my.tears...

I have however started to talk to a counsellor (after being convinced) and she's decided that a teddy is nothing for an 18 year old.... And so she's decided together with my parents that I'm going to give it to her and not get to see it for a long while As silly as it sounds it's my dearest friend and I don't think it's fair to take it without letting me say good bye...

[Shadow]

Well, that's incredibly unprofessional! Regardless of how she feels about you relying on a teddy, it's not up to her to decide it's not helping!

How does she think taking your only support away will help??

Did she ask your permission to talk to your parents? As you are probably aware: The only time she can disclose stuff to others is if you are suicidal. Since she hasn't said anything along those lines, she's breaking one of the most important

rules: Never disclose anything a client says to others, unless they are suicidal. 

I'd complain about your treatment- What she's doing?  That's just wrong.

.

I hope this situation gets sorted soon- I was in your shoes once and it can leave deep scars that take years to heal if not addressed in a supportive matter. I hope this isn't the case for you.

You are always welcome here.

Take care

[fosterthepeople]

hi sofia

i am totally curious as to how the counsellor believes taking away a teddy bear is going to be therapeutic

anyways, i like shadow's point. and you are 18 as well.

hope the situation works on for everyone

[Sofia]

Thanks Shadow!!! Since I've had a couple of counsellors before that managed to break promises and loose my trust I'm rather skeptical to even talking to her and it's something I've been almost forced into.

She seems to think that taking my teddy is going to "help" me open up to her because I've got nothing else to rely on...

I get the point of being dependent on a teddy to sleep isn't the greatest thing at my age... But I believe there's better ways to get better with it, prob just me being stupid though...

And sadly the only way for me to get the professional help is by letting my parents know all about it.. They don't trust "people like that" and claims that whatever I tell them I tell the professional I must also tell them because they're much closer to me .....

[BennyW]

Hey Sofia,

I can see why you are upset with your parents and your therapist. It sounds like they are taking a quite simplistic and indelicate approach, but I also get the impression deep down you can see why they are concerned and why your level of dependence on your teddy might not be completely healthy in the long term.

Maybe if you are able to acknowledge this to them, and suggest a plan for how you could be less reliant on old Ted, you might be able to reach a compromise.

What do you think?

[Birdeye]

Hey Sofia, 

I'm also confused/curious as to what she's trying to achieve and what's brought her to this conclusion.

Have you told her (or your parents) about how you don't want to have your teddy taken away from you? It is (or should be) ultimately your decision as to what happens to your teddy.

 Perhaps you could find a compromise?

You mentioned that she wants it to allow you to open up to her, would bringing the teddy into the session with you achieve a similar result? or working out a way to share your teddy time with her by recording your talks with the teddy or writing things done during/after it to give her?

If she wants to take it away because she believes you're relying on it too much and need some independence form it, you could suggest approaching it differently - such as taking it step-by-step ultimately leading up to something you wouldn't be able to do now.

With your parents, you are 18, you are under no real obligation to tell them everything about your session. As much as they want to know, it's your choice how much they do know. You can tell them everything, a little bit, or nothing; whatever you want. 

Why do you think the only way you'll get help is by telling your parents everything? If you don't like the situation have you told them that?

[Sofia]

I've told them that I don't like the idea of giving it away! And they know I have been trying to, and have managed to, cut down on using it.. But it doesn't seem to be enough for them sadly

I have brought my teddy to the session before but it always ends up in an argument of how I depend too much on it I don't know how to do it step-by-step and she has said that if it comes from me she'll consider it, but until then her idea is going to come through....

About my parents they seem to be of the idea that because I'm still living at home they still have to know about everything. Sure I can choose to not tell things, but sooner or later they will find out and I don't want to be around when they do...

[_sagira_]

Sofia I am 25 and still sleep with a teddy bear. My sisters actually bought it for me for my 18th birthday.

I don't think anyone should be taking it away from you and it's great that you have limited your use on it. It means you know you can live without it, but you choose not to, because you don't have to.

I can sleep without mine easily, it's more just to make my arm comfortable really, I so I shove my bed quilt or another pillow under my arm for that.

Maybe they just feel concerned because they think you're using it as an outlet (which I really don't see as being the case?), or are you attached to your bear? Because intense attachment isn't helpful either.

Hmmm...I don't know, but really the counselor should be making suggestions and you should be deciding for yourself whether or not you need to. No one can force you to do anything

[Sofia]

I have limited it to not needing it in the middle of the day! Still feel like I sleep much much worse without it on my arm. I am aware I do use it as my outlet, didn't know that was such a crime :'(

I don't wish to be as attached as I am, but wish that wouldn't equal to never ever getting to touch it, which is where I feel that my counsellor is trying to take it

[Bee]

Hey Sofia,

Everyone else has said some great points, but i wanted to have my input

I do think it's your choice how you go with your teddy. If it's helping you, I say why not? Though if you find you can't go anywhere without it, it might need some intervention of somesort. But it comes down to where YOU draw the line. What you say is enough.

I kind of get what you mean when you say the only way to get help is by telling your parents, mine are the same.. well my mum is. I saw the school counsellor, she found out and she asked me that many questions I just wanted to turn invisible! Even with my mentor and teachers, any conversation and I'm obliged to tell her everything!

--
Everyone else;
I'm just wanting to clarify, Shadow said that they can't tell your parents - anyone, unless your suicidal. I'm wondering whether this rule still applies with school counsellors?