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Struggling to come out to my family

I thought i'd post because why not.


I have struggled my whole life to be the person that i really am, i thought the feelings i had were wrong and promised that i would never act on them. Before starting uni a year ago the thought of someone finding out really got to me it was my biggest fear in life. Uni being a very un judgmental place has definitely made me more comfortable with who i am, even having an encounter with another guy. I have an amazing group of friends there who didn't bat an eye lid which was really comforting to me. With the confident boost i allowed some of my closest friends outside of uni to find out, they are an amazing bunch of friends that are nothing but supportive which seems to be the only thing getting me through.  i knew they wouldn't mind but the fact that they knew my personal life and family scared me. My Family on the other hand have stated multiple times that they would't deal with a "gay" kid very well but would except it. This has caused me a lot of grief as I have a lot of love for them, it caused me to become distant and have hatred towards them. I can't think of life without them but i can't be who i am around them. I've never had a proper relationship as i avoided them at all costs in order to hide who i am. This was all well and good until a couple of months ago when i met a guy who made me a happier person, he's clearly expressed how he feels about me but i kept pushing him away in order to protect myself. I don't see him very often as he lives interstate, the other day when i left i didn't want to leave him but once again i forced myself. Its gotten me into a really dark place, the only people stopping me from being truely happy for the first time in my life are my parents.


I know a lot of people would have gone through the same situation and were most likely much worse off. How did you bring yourself to take the plunge and come out? 


Re: Struggling to come out to my family

Hi @Chaz2 welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing, it takes a lot of courage. I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling and can only imagine how tough it has been on you. It's great to hear that you have an amazing group of friends and that uni has been non-judgemental. It's really hard when we feel like our parents aren't accepting or supportive of who we are. I'm wondering if you've considered chatting to a counsellor about how are you are feeling? A really good resource and support is QLife, they offer telephone counselling and online web chat. In the mean time how are you looking after yourself during this time? I'm certain other members of our community will also respond with some support and advice. We're here to listen and support you Heart


Re: Struggling to come out to my family

Hey @Chaz2,


What you're going through sounds super tough, I'm sorry that you're in such a dark place right now. It's such a hard position to be in when you want to be yourself, but something is holding you back.

It's so great that you've got a group of supportive friends and have met somebody that makes you happy, would you consider speaking to them about where you're at?



Not that long ago I came out to my mum. Although I hadn't planned on telling her in that moment, after years of thinking about it, I felt ready. Before I'd considered coming out to anybody, it was important for me to make sure I was in a solid position in other aspects of my life, so I could support myself if the conversation didn't end positively. 


Is there a family member you could talk to first? I personally felt my mum was a safe family member to have this conversation with, maybe you have somebody who could be that person for you?







Re: Struggling to come out to my family

Hey there @Chaz2 and welcome to ReachOut! Smiley Happy

It's amazing that you have some excellent supports in your friends both in and outside of university. Have you been able to talk to them about how you're feeling with your parents?

The others have given some fantastic advice so far, what did you think?

I hope you're having an excellent weekend Smiley Happy