It has been so long since I have posted on here; I guess I felt I needed a break and maybe I felt I was doing okay. I still am doing relatively okay given my childhood and my past but I've also been accessing support. Support in a way that feels comfortable for me and support that I've been able to trust over a 5 year period, with minor hiccups here and there. In short, KHL has been my main service for 5 years now, I've had 3 counsellors with them over the years, one whom did convince me that it was okay to allow somone face to face into my recovery... she was also preparing to leave at the time, so over a 3 month period, we linked me in with a face to face support and transferred my care to another counsellor at KHL. That therapeutic relationships with KHL and ultimately my trust in KHL broke down in December 2013 and then so did my face to face support in February 2014. I tried multiple times from around June 2014 to access KHL again with no one there be willing to explain why things had broken down with them for me. I did eventually give up.
This year, I lost a client to suicide and for so many different reasons, this for me was an incredibly hard experience both personally and professionally. I re-contacted KHL and luckily for me the counsellor who answered my webchat didn't access my history and allowed me too talk. On learning about my "access plan" as they called it, she was willing to discuss this with her supervisors and this "access plan" was changed and I was allowed to re-engage with KHL in an ongoing way. That was 6 months ago... they now want to change my access plan again and link me in with a GP and a psychologist in my area, something that I am not ready for. I have tried to explain my reasons why I am not ready, the main reason being I do not see a reason for allowing more people to know this part of my life when I am moving states in 12 months and will just have to meet someone new again... my past experience with psychologists has also not been helpful and a dealing with my last one has not left me feeling very good about them. I just don't know how much they are understanding and I have strong feeling after 4 more sessions they are just going to leave my out on my own... that is what they did last time! They're reasoning for this change... they supposedly want what is best for me and believe that the work I need to do cannot be done via phone / web counselling. I disagree. Aside from my school psychologist and a counsellor I saw through headsapce before linking up with KHL, they have been the most helpful support for me... well the 2 counsellors I managed to "click" with. I know in 12 months I will be too old for their service and that is fine with me and I happy to cross the bridge when it comes, I would have moved by then and I will only be needing to link in with person, which I feel is more appropriate, rather than linking in with someone for 12 months and then changing again... I don't do well with changes and I struggle learning to trust others. It will take me the 12 months to trust the person and then I will move.
I guess I'm just after advice on how I can explain this too KHL so that they can understand where I am coming from and the fears that I have? I have tried but I feel like I am not being heard and that they have already made their mind up.
Update** regardless of what I want, I have 3 sessions left with my KHL counsellor... thank you KHL for NOTHING
Hi @bg_xx, welcome back to the forums. I'm glad to hear that you've been doing relatively ok and had the support of KHL to help you through the difficult times for the past five years. I'm sorry that they have decided to stop offering regular sessions. Will they still be available to you in a crisis situation?
As you mentioned, it can take a little while to feel comfortable with a new counsellor, and you don't always 'click' with the first, second or even third one you speak with. This applies to face-to-face professionals, as well as telephone. I hope you will be able to give face-to-face counselling another shot. If you visit a GP, you can get ten free sessions with a psychologist under the mental health plan, which might be worth pursuing if budget is a factor. Perhpas in the remaining sessions with KHL you could discuss some techniques and strategies for finding a new counsellor, and how to cope with that change?
Change can be scary, and quite often we focus on the negative outcomes instead of the positives.
Whilst your situation is completely different to mine, I have had 5 counsellors in the past 2 years. Each of which has helped me in different way to the other with the shortest being 3 sessions.
The point of me telling you this is that your next counsellor might be the best so far and if they aren't, that's okay. Just like @ElleBelle said, we don't always 'click' with our counsellors.
We can only make the best of the circumstances we are given.
My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ
Hey @bg_xx thanks for chatting to us here! I can see from what you're saying why it feels like such a big step to move to face to face counseling! That would mean a lot of sudden changes in the way you're doing things and a lot of trust building. I know that for a lot of people it can be really hard to share that things are not okay and so having to do the process all over again can feel like a pretty daunting task, especially if you've had bad experiences with a professional and feel worried that it won't be worth your time. All we can do here is help you explore your options and see if together we can work out a way around these problems!
I am wondering if there's anything that would help you feel a bit more comfortable about taking that step and reaching out to someone else? Can you have a go at thinking about what your ideal situation would look like? What do you need to feel like a person trusts and respects you and how do you go about building that trust with a person?
Also, have you tried eHeadspace?
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