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Supporting others

I tried getting help for this elsewhere by going to a service that was suggested to me because there was supposed to people there to chat to but nobody really came and talked to me and I felt too scared to approach anyone so I just sat there on my own for a bit then left. So that’s annoying. 

Anyway, the actual issue. 

Just looking for someone to talk to because one of my brothers, he’s 18, or maybe 19 👀 

 I have spent a number of years supporting him, I guess almost acting as a parent for him and it’s been really really hard trying to help him out by keeping those boundaries, but he really needs help getting things together at the moment so he’ll be here for a bit. He needs support with a lot of things. I told him he’s got to get a job or go and do something during the day like tafe or a group  activity if he is going to live here.

But yeah basically just looking to talk to some other people around supporting others (especially when you are trying to help yourself at the same time). I’m mindful of slipping back into that parental role which was detrimental to me in the past... but he also needs help, but need someone like me to just be a friend too

hmm 

 

Re: Supporting others

Hey @Saltwaterdreamtime! I’m in a similar situation.. well kinda.

someone in my class is going through a really hard time and I’ve been his only support and in fact he told me I’m the first person to support him in this area. Well I’m not being mindful of parenting him.. I’m being mindful of him thinking we’re in a relationship because I feel he might think that.. anyway this is your thread so I wanted to share a bit of how I’m KIND OF in a similar place to you so that you know I kind of understand.. setting boundaries is actually a pretty good idea.. thanks!

do you feel your brother relys on you a bit more than he should? Does this put pressure on you when you’re wanting support but your brother needs it from you? I know it certainly does when that person needs support from me when I’m struggling.. 

Sorry if I didn’t help

Re: Supporting others

Yeah relies on me a bit but also he really needs that so I don’t like pushing him away 

Re: Supporting others

That’s understandable.. I feel the same about this person in my class.. he’s suicidal and I feel pressured to talk to him because I’m scared of what would happen then I’d never forgive myself. Do you enjoy supporting your brother? Does it make your relationship with him stronger?

Re: Supporting others

Hey @Bananatime04 and @Saltwaterdreamtime! Smiley Happy

 

Saltwater - I love how self-aware you are about this situation with your brother. Well done for seeking other services, and I'm sorry they didn't prove helpful. I can definitely relate to that feeling of wanting to help someone but needing to set boundaries for yourself. Hmm... have you introduced your brother to some of your friends/support people? Maybe he could find support there too?

 

Bananatime - that's a tricky situation. I admire how you were able to see the similarities between it and what Saltwater has posted about, and I hope that the forums have been/are able to provide  some support Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Supporting others

I have tried to introduce him to other supports but doesn’t take to them @letitgo he has been pushed away from a lot over the years

Re: Supporting others

Overall compared to a few years ago when we had our struggles he is doing well i’ll give him that

Re: Supporting others

Hey @Saltwaterdreamtime

 

I'm glad to hear that your brother has improved over the last couple of years. A fun fact to you - most people's mental health conditions improve over time, especially if they get the right support Cat Happy

 

I also think it is great that you are taking such an interest in your brother's well-being. Kudos to you. Receiving familial support can make a world of difference for a person who is struggling. 

 

In your first post you mentioned you went to seek support. Can you tell me what kind of support it was that you tried to seek? Just because it seems you are still interested in receiving such/similar support. If you provide me with more of an idea about what support you need, I may be able to help you or to refer you to places. 

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Re: Supporting others

Yeah @TOM-RO it was a lot of behavioural stuff a few years ago but seemed to mellow out just a little bit now.
I just went there hoping to speak to a worker it was suggested by my youth support worker but it wasn’t specific to the issue, they just mentioned it and thought it might be of help. thanks for the offer but yeah not looking to be referred elsewhere, just want to talk it out with someone

Re: Supporting others

Anyone to talk to?