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TW: Dealing with the loss of a loved one

Hey RO Community! Happy Friday! Sorry I haven't been around all that much lately. I debated whether or not to make a post about what I've been going through lately, but thought what better a place for some peer support Smiley Happy 


About 3 weeks ago, my dad died. He had been sick for a while, but his death was quite unexpected and sudden. I'd been a carer for my dad since I was 16, but for the last couple of months, I'd been my dad's primary carer. We'd always been close and spent a lot of time together, but for those months we quite literally spent 24/7 together. While for the most part, I didn't know our time together was nearing an end, this time together is something I will cherish forever. 


It's a strange feeling losing him, I'm still not sure it feels real and I am constantly conflicted as to how I should be acting and feeling. It seems like everybody else's world has kept on spinning and so many facets of my life have kept on going even when I haven't been present, but the part that makes me present (not physically, but mentally) has stopped. 


Dad's really well known where I'm from and I've quite literally received hundreds of texts/Facebook messages etc of people offering support, which is amazing and I am so grateful, but this doesn't fill the dad sized void left in my life. Despite all of these messages and all of these awesome people, I feel so lonely. 


So, I'm wondering, does anybody in the RO community have any tips on dealing with the loss of a loved one? 

Re: TW: Dealing with the loss of a loved one

Hey @Sunflower18, no need to apologise. We all take breaks for various reasons and it is more than okay to do so. I am really sorry to hear about your dad, it really sucks. It sounds like he was really important to you and you both had a close relationship. It is never easy losing a parental figure, whether it was expected or unexpected. I think that is the saddest thing about grief - the world keeps on spinning while you can be stuck in what feels like another world. From my own experience with grief, time does help make things easier.. but it does not mean we forget. A lot of time we don't want to forget anyway but it is okay to have days where we are upset about the loss we have experienced Heart Give yourself time and space to grieve. Sometimes also talking about memories with those who have experienced the very same loss can also help.

Re: TW: Dealing with the loss of a loved one

Hey @Sunflower18 and thank you so much for sharing what's been going on for you. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. There aren't any words for how much that sucks Smiley Sad

Grief is a huge, tricky thing. And it makes sense that you might feel alone despite the support pouring in, because none of that changes what you've lost.

I think it's going to be really important for you to be as honest as possible about how you're feeling. Your experiences and feelings are valid, and there's no time limit to grief.

One thing that helps me when I'm upset in general is writing, so perhaps you might write about how you're feeling?

Sending you heaps of support. <3 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: TW: Dealing with the loss of a loved one

hey @Sunflower18 im so sorry for your loss. hugs Heart
take your time in grieving and dont force or chastise yourself for not feeling how others are. everyone grieves in their own way and is valid. because youve been a carer for so long and its been your life, you need time to adjust to your new reality from that perspective as well, not just your dad himself. its almost like grieving for your job as well.

somethings that help me are to light a candle for them when i feel sad, visit their graves, journal how im feeling, writting letters to them- so if theres something in my day i really wouldve liked to tell them i would wirte about that, cooking their favourite meals, and LOTS of SELF CARE
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**