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TW: It feels like that time I was raped

I started talking to this guy and he seemed really nice. We've been talking for a while and everything was going good. He came over yesterday and we said we were going to watch a movie. 10 minutes in I felt his hand on my thigh, I thought "oh okay maybe he's just resting it there no big deal" next thing I know his lips were on mine and we were kissing. Like most teenagers with our crazy hormones I was fine with it, hey I was getting into it a bit but after a while I felt pressured and uncomfortable. He asked if I was okay and I said yes cause I felt bad. He asked if he could keep going and I just nodded and gave a fake smile. After he left I just sat there and didn't know how I felt and couldn't quite comprehend what happened. I washed my sheets cause they smelt like him and I scrubbed my body hoping his touch would disappear. I feel numb and dirty and I'm still not sure what happened. 

TW: It feels like that time I was raped

Hi @Tabs, that must have been hard to share. I'm glad you're seeking some help. It sounds like you're confused about the situation and it felt like a negative experience for you. It's ok to feel how you are, especially since you've had an awful experience in the past. No one can really predict how they will feel after an intimate moment. Try not to be too harsh on yourself, but caring & kind. 

It would be really good if you could talk to someone about your feelings, maybe a friend, or you can even call 1800 RESPECT. Have you been able to talk to anyone?

Some self care would be really important this weekend for you too. What can you do that's self soothing?

 

-Lina/RO

TW: It feels like that time I was raped

hi @Tabs it can be very confusing to know if its your homones that want it or if its really you. it sounds like you were more curious than wanting and that is perfectly fine. 

1800 respect and also kidhelpline are really good if you would like some more professional advice. 

 

here to listen to you Smiley Happy Heart

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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TW: It feels like that time I was raped

@Tabs Thank you for reaching out, I'm sorry this experience was so painful for you and that you didn't feel like you could say no to him. Please remember that what your rapist did to you was not your fault; and just because you've experienced rape in the past doesn't mean that every intimate encounter that you have is going to be so emotionally painful. 

 

I understand that feeling of dirtiness, however you are NOT dirty. You have done nothing wrong. It's normal to be confused and numb when something triggers memories of trauma. I often find that art and writing help me to deal with those kinds of triggers. Is there anything similar that works for you?

 

We're here for you Heart

TW: It feels like that time I was raped

@DruidChildI've been doing a lot of writing and drawing, it's been helping a bit but not much

TW: It feels like that time I was raped

hey @Tabs how are you feeling now?  We're all here for you as you go through the motions.

 Heart You're doing super well opening up about to us and talking it out - this is a safe space and a lot of the member's have lived experience of SA, you're not alone.

Some strategies a friend of mine shared around the body remembering after an assault ... Have you tried these sorts of things before? 

 

Rhythmic movement. Rhythm can be very healing. It helps us relax and regain a sense of control over our bodies. Anything that combines rhythm and movement will work: dancing, drumming, marching. You can even incorporate it into your walking or running routine by concentrating on the back and forth movements of your arms and legs.

Mindfulness meditation. can be practiced anywhere, even while you are walking or eating. Simply focus on what you’re feeling in the present movement—including any bodily sensations and emotions. The goal is to observe without judgement.

Yoga, Tai Chi, and Qigong. These activities combine body awareness with relaxing, focused movement and can help relieve symptoms of PTSD and trauma.

TW: It feels like that time I was raped

Did you give anymore thought to chatting with 1800 Respect @Tabs? The online chat link is here. It's super confidential and can be really helpful. 

Re: TW: It feels like that time I was raped

Hey @Tabs, good on you for trying the writing and drawing; I'm sorry it didnt help as much as you were hoping. How have you been doing lately? I've been thinking of you but I've had no internet for a while so I couldn't check in. 

How do you feel about trying out some of @Bree-RO's suggestions, and/or giving a helpline a call?